Couch 250: An August Couch

Thanks LT,

Today was my last virtual session with R, which we spent unpacking recent experiences of bravery.

I'm still not sure whether she understands the significance of next Tuesday, or if she's trying to help me by keeping quiet about it.

At least she didn't use the phrase 'back to normal' yet.

Glad you managed to get your walk in - it's raining here, and looks like it's going to rain all weekend.

Hugs, Lost. Could you maybe send a brief email to alert her to the significance of Tuesday's date? And glad she didn't use "back to normal."

Thanks LT,

I think it's going to take me a minute to get back in the swing of email contact.
Could say the same about most of my relationship with her, perhaps.

I'm glad that I've been able to use outside supports, but that doesn't change the fact that the conversations should have happened between us.

In my write-in group this morning I learned that NaNo (National Novel Writing Month), is now allowing participants to write those novels with AI. Big flap, sponsors and authors pulling out, etc.

I don't have any objection to using AI to spark a writing project--I've done it myself with letters of reference--and AI can't write a novel without human guidance. But I do kind of feel there is something essential about putting the words on the page or screen yourself, whether by typing, handwriting, or dictating. It's way more your work anyway. Kind of goes against NaNo's mission of inspiring people to finally start writing and putting the focus more on completing the challenge by hook or by crook.

Ugh, that really bothers me, too.

Yuck.

I'm glad I'm out of that community now.

oh my gosh, @@ I hadn't heard about that. It does seem against the whole idea in general.

So far anyway, from what I've heard the only thing my poetry group uses AI for is to obtain poetry prompts if even that, but not for the actual writing. Then again it's not as big of a thing as NaNoWriMo is I'm sure there are a lot less people involved.

Speaking of my poetry group, our fearless leader just published his first book and did a reading for us on zoom the other night, which was wonderful. He said he's about 90% sure he's going to run the year-long poem a day challenge again in 2025. Yay! Even if he doesn't, I have no plans to end my daily writing habit. I've made a small group of friends during this challenge and we will continue collaborating on projects regardless.

Seeking Couch input on a work thing:

I'm a freelance copy editor with four different contracts. Two are with the same company, but for different groups of research journals. The journal group that I started with 2 years ago, I keep getting lots of negative feedback. The style is really complicated, and I seem to struggle to learn it, which isn't usually an issue for me. And they're really nitpicky about it.

I very rarely get any negative feedback from any of the other contracts I have. So this feels like I'm just not connecting with this style. I asked a higher up if there was an option to switch to a different journal (we had a phone call about it last week). She gave me a couple options, and I picked one tentatively.

Today, she emailed to say she had to inform the people on the team that I'd be leaving, and they both said how sad they were, how they thought I was doing really well. The higher-up asked if I still wanted to make the change. Now I feel conflicted. I also realize now that I should have gone to the people on the team directly about this first, but I also wanted to know what my options were. I'd hit the point where I dreaded getting an email from one of the team members.

I asked if I could have until tomorrow or Monday to let her know. Part of me feels maybe I should stay. But part of me is also like, "OK, if they thought I was doing well, couldn't they have maybe told me that at some point in the past 2 years?" And am I only thinking of staying because they're sad to see me leave, so it makes me feel wanted? At the same time, I don't know what I'm walking into, and it likely will be less work, so less money, but it's in a topic I'm somewhat more interested in.

Thoughts? Conveniently, I see Dr. T tomorrow, and I've talked to him a lot about this, so I figure he can give me guidance. I talked about it briefly with H, too, just now but his advice for now was to ask for time to think about it (then he had to get on a work call).

If you're at the point where you dread getting an email from one of their team, you're better off out of it.

Given that you're more drawn to the other topic, that's a bonus.

Would still be worth talking to Dr. T about it, IMO.

I'd think that yeah, ideally you'd have talked to them first. However, I've learned that it's important that you feel appreciated in your job and like what you're doing. It seems that receiving mostly negative feedback didn't go well for you, and that's totally reasonable. I don't think the team would change this way of working if you voiced it, the type of feedback you get is very dependent on the people and culture I find, it only really changes when you switch teams/companies, not by the needs of one person.

I'd say if you would still like the new option, go for it. A change in environment is always nice. It doesn't mean you don't like the actual people in the other team, you just didn't vibe with the work there.

Another way to put it: a team will drop you in a heartbeat if you don't meet their standards. They haven't met your standards of giving feedback, and you're just as allowed to drop them.

Thanks, Lost. You make good points. I do sort of feel like I let it go on too long, the dreading getting an email from them. But sometimes it can be easier to stay in a known situation than to make the change.

It was actually when I was in a lot of distress during the week of Dr. T's move that I sent the initial email to the higher-up. So I worried I'd acted too impulsively, but it's also something I've been thinking about for a long time (and H keeps saying to just leave). I think just being at my limit emotionally, then getting another feedback email prompted me to act. But maybe I needed something to get me there?

Thanks, CNS. Some good points here.

It does seem a bit like a personal style thing. There was another team I worked for within the same organization where the main person who communicated with me/assigned the work was very friendly. Like wishing me a good weekend, asking about my daughter, etc. Thanking me for my work on a difficult editing account. I just felt valued. It's all over email, too.

Actually, the other two contracts I have, not with this company, are like that, too, in being personable. Things like that can make a big difference. And I generally will say (to any of them) something like, "Thanks, and have a great weekend!" (if it's Friday).

And good point that they could just drop me. That's part of what's difficult about freelance, too. Though as H says, and like you said, I can just drop them as well.

Honestly, I want to change how I'm working on some level anyway--working on longer-term projects like books maybe (much of what I work on has really tight deadlines, like 2 business days). Or maybe working part-time or even full-time somewhere (though at least partly remote). It would be nice to have things like paid time off...

Being at capacity has an impact on so many different levels.
Could be that this is a good moment to try something new.

If you are thinking of staying because you really like the work then go for it but understand that they will still probably give negative feedback. If you are wanting to stay simply because they said they will sorry to see you go, I would leave. Many people feel the need to say things like that when someone leaves whether they feel that way or not. No offense, and it could actually be true, but they might actually want you to go. No one really knows at this point.

It comes down to what you want. You have to do the job everyday and deal with the people. Change is scary but change can be good. It might be uncomfortable at first but you may end up loving it or learning something new that is valuable to your future success.

Couch Workout Club day 37

I did two sets of my seated boxing workout today, because I fancied shaking things up.

Thanks, Zoie. I find it telling that I'm getting very similar advice from everyone, now adding Dr. T to that list. In fact, he said something extremely similar to what you said, how someone might say something kinder if someone is leaving that doesn't align with how they generally felt about the person/their work.

Something we discussed today is also whether lots of people have decided to stop working for them much more quickly, for the same reasons I did (I'm not the only one working on that group of journals). So they might have just been glad I was still there so they didn't have to train someone completely new. Like it may have been more that I'm a warm body than my particular skill set.

I ended up emailing a bit ago to say that I was opting for the new opportunity. So, we'll see how that goes. I'd basically decided even before my session, but sometimes I need to sit with a decision for a bit before finalizing it.

Okay so im the only glutton for punishment who would have taken their criticisms as "nitpicking me because i am so close to perfect!" I need help. The evil introject is strong, y'all.

Couch Workout Club day 38

4700 steps for the day, included walking around a local craft fair.

LT-on work stuff. It feels good to “feel” wanted but don’t let your heart get in the way of your head. I took a break from my regular career and went to work in a school for a year (I just left the school this past March to go back to what I was doing prior). Anyway when I sat in the Directors office and gave notice she said things like “I grew to love you. And I’m so sorry to see you go”. It definitely tugged the heart strings and I almost caved, but I held strong. On the last day I got so many hugs, so many said I’ll miss you”, so many said “Let’s keep in touch” and “Please come back. There will always be a spot for you here”. I reached out to a few of the co-workers over the months. Never heard back. I don’t say this to be cruel-nobody actually cares. I mean-we here on the forum care about you and your wellbeing but in the professional world it’s different.

Thanks, Jersey. It helps to hear your perspective. I'm glad you didn't cave. And I"m sorry you never heard back from those co-workers.

Realized I never updated the Couch: I decided to leave the account that I'm struggling with, despite their kind words (and their words weren't even directly to me). I'm trying out the other journal.