Need hlep - Parted with my autism+sexuality therapist, quickly losing my sanity

Since 2021 I was working with a therapist who specialized in the intersection of autism spectrum disorder and issues related to sex and sexuality. However we just suddenly and unexpectedly parted ways a couple weeks ago on bad terms, and it couldn't have happened at a worse time. The breakup has exacerbated the very abandonment, rejection, and security issues I was trying to work with her on, so now I am going into a tailspin. It feels like she was the last thread holding me to my sanity and now I really don't see any hope of keeping it together.


It's really hard to find therapists who are trained and experienced in the intersection of issues I am experiencing and I don't know where to even begin. She was the only person in my life I felt like I could trust to be fully honest with, and it took a long time to get to that point with her. I don't have any other emotional safe place or people I can talk to or vent to about the complicated and sensitive issues that plague me. I've tried to in the past and all I get is judgment, condemnation, and ignorance.


She was working pro-bono because I haven't had a stable living wage in years. I get insurance through medicaid, and the offerings for mental health are very basic. I have no faith that anybody in network would have the training and experience necessary to approach and I really don't have money to pay for a specialist out of pocket, and I don't think I can even find one who is licensed for my area.

So I was on the verge of an anxiety attack earlier. My grandpa is not going to make it through the night (see my other threads) and it was triggering emotional issues for myself and members of my family. I tried calling 988 crisis line and told them my situation. All they did was assert I wasn't about to harm myself and tried to make safety plan but they plan they wanted me to do was illogical and didnt make sense. Then they tried to transfer me to a crisis line for my county for further resources, but they couldn't. Then they told me there was nothing else they could do, and then asked if there was anything else they could do for me...(wth?!?) So I just said "you just told me there was nothing else you could do, so what do you mean?" And they basically just apologized, and then said to call them back again if I needed them again later...

I'm sorry that was your experience. That sadly can be the experience with crisis lines. I actually had one tell me that there are others who need more help and rushed me off the line. However, there are also really good counselors who will listen to you, won't solely focus on skills, and work with you to help. You can always call back and try to get a different person. I know it's frustrating to have to do that.

I'm also sorry about your grandpa.