She's ****ing pregnant again!!!

It really seems like she just isn’t able to provide the care that she used to. It’s like she doesn’t want to take anything away but she can’t keep up so she keeps messing up and hurting you. It must feel like you can’t trust what she says anymore?
I really hope your pdoc can find you a new therapist, even if it’s just for a while

Is she doing all these texts reading and responding on her own time? It seems like a lot. Not sure why she makes these promises. Does she have other clients? Even if you are her only client, that’s just a lot to remember and keep up.

You aren’t wrong for asking her for things, but if it’s too much for her, she shouldn't make promises.

I really think you need a therapist with firmer boundaries. She shares way too much and makes these unrealistic strange promises (like promises not to get pregnant what the heck) but then it’s just inevitable that no one can keep this going, so you get hurt at the end. She means well but no one can keep this up

I’d rely on your pdoc to find you a better fit t.

Hugs, Scarlet. I'm sorry. It is really difficult when they offer to provide something, then don't follow through. It seems like she's promising more than she can provide, which isn't fair to you. I don't know what the answer could be. Possibly for her to check in at some point within 24 hours? I don't know.

I know for me, Dr. T pretty much always replies to emails in the mornings, generally between 7 and 9 am (and he says this, that he will reply to client emails each morning). Recently, there was a time when I emailed the night before and hadn't heard anything back by around 11 am the next morning. I realized maybe it wasn't clear I wanted a reply, so sent an email clarifying that and saying that if it was that he was busy, a reply the next morning was fine, to just let me know. He responded within an hour, apologizing that he'd been to busy, but would reply that night. I knew not to expect that. He didn't reply that night, though did reply the next morning.

I'd have preferred if he'd just said "I'll get back to you by tomorrow" instead of saying he'd respond that evening. I did ultimately talk to him about this yesterday, saying that if he knew he couldn't get back to me in the normal timeline, could he possibly just send a very brief email or text, like, "Busy, sorry, will reply when I can." Just to acknowledge it. He said he could do that. I know that might not work in the situation with L, if it's a case where she might intend to text in the evening but falls asleep, say. But maybe you can figure something else out? That she'd then send you a "good morning" text, say? I don't know.

Thanks everyone. Technically, they are not promises. They are intentions and expectations. Least that's the words we use.

She just broke another expectation right now. Our agreement is for her to reply to any communication (except time specific like the goodnight texts) before noon the next day. If she can't, she simply tells me before noon that she can't, but when I might expect it. We had three email threads going yesterday. And I added one more. So I responded to 4 emails before midnight. The expectation is I'd at least hear something back from her even if her response needs to be delayed. I know that's a lot of email threads (even for us!), but I have heard nothing. Not one thing.

Hugs, Scarlet. I'm sorry. It would be good if she could at least send, say, a few words (literally) saying she can't reply yet. Sounds like you unfortunately need to discuss and renegotiate so that you aren't left waiting and disappointed. It's not fair to you.

Honestly, with so many email threads she probably just didn’t realize there was another and thought it was one she had already replied to.

The amount of constant texting and emails feels chaotic just reading about it. Perhaps it’s adding to your anxiety rather than giving you time to process and let your thoughts and emotions settle a bit. There’s such a thing as too much stimulus. It ends up feeding on itself and expanding which is the opposite of what you want.

Perhaps a bit of a limit on the amount of back and forth is needed to quiet your system down? It’s just a thought. It just sounds so chaotic and counterproductive.

I think she takes on way more than she can handle. She likely had good intentions but just can’t handle it. Maybe her husband tells her that she’s not there for the family in the evenings because she texts and emails all evening. 4 email threads from one person is a lot to read. Who knows how available she is for all this within her home life.

But again not your fault. She’s the one that had to set up realistic expectation from the start. Is she fostering dependency? Making you relying on her all day and night?

This is coming from a person who has poor boundaries between work and home and is there for people responding to texts/emails from them day and night. So I am not a good example of what not to do.

Could you sit down with her and go through expectations and make adjustments. What’s reasonable? What could she do for sure? And she needs to stick to it. One email a day? One thread, not 4? Text but maybe not at night? She needs to commit to what she can really do. Obviously she can’t do what she said she was going to. Some changes need to take place

She finally responded to all four. I know it takes time to read, but it took her less than 15mins to respond to everything. Even if she has a busy day, she could have told me and postponed her responses until she had time. She also never brought up the delay...

This is SO chaotic for me. It's why I was convinced to take a break. But I panicked and changed my mind. You're probably right that I really need to reduce the communication. She keeps hurting me and I'm sure I keep hurting her. She said she's had sleeping problems ever since she told me. Probably why she fell asleep in the afternoon yesterday.

I wish she would be the one to let us go. I'm sure she needs a break from me, too. I don't know why she just doesn't plan another vacation. Why is she holding on?

I really do think I'm addicted to her. I feel like we're enmeshed. And I know she is fostering dependency. She believes you need to get your dependency needs met in order to be more confident to be independent. Or something like that. She does support when I want to be independent like she said she was proud of me for walking out of the session.

I know none of this is healthy for me and probably her. And something needs to change. I don't think she’ll be the one to initiate the change, so I have to. But what? What do I change? Anything at this point is just going to add to the hurt. I feel stuck. What is more painful: sticking with it or leaving.