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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,662
(SuperPoster!)
10 7,088 hugs
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#1
I'm done.
__________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica Last edited by FooZe; Oct 03, 2024 at 06:32 PM.. Reason: thread retitled at OP's request |
AnaWhitney, ArtieTheSequal, ChickenNoodleSoup, Oliviab, SalingerEsme
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,544
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9 76k hugs
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#2
Oh, I'm so sorry, Scarlet... Big hugs to you. I definitely understand your being done at this point.
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ScarletPimpernel
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Poohbah
Member Since Sep 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 1,480
8 41 hugs
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#3
Oh Scarlett,
I'm so sorry you have to do this again so soon. I don't even have words for this. __________________ True happiness comes not when we get rid of all our problems, but when we change our relationship to them, when we see our problems as a potential source of awakening, opportunities to practice patience and learn.~Richard Carlson |
ScarletPimpernel
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert of my soul
Posts: 7,548
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4 5,966 hugs
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#4
omg Scarlet. I'm so sorry this is happening again so very soon.
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ScarletPimpernel
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,662
(SuperPoster!)
10 7,088 hugs
given |
#5
It was an "accident" too. How could she be so careless. She should know how birth control works. And now that we've moved. I'm done with her. She's been cruel to me since her leave. She can barely make time for me now, what the f is she going to do with two little ones? I don't fit into the equation. I never did. I lied to myself thinking I was important. I hate her.
__________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
AnaWhitney, ArtieTheSequal, ChickenNoodleSoup, LonesomeTonight, SalingerEsme, Taylor27
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,833
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9 1,294 hugs
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#6
Why the heck she tells her clients that her pregnancy is accidental. Like what’s the need to share private info. I’d not begrudge people to have children, that’s not unusual and many prefer to have them with only small age difference, but why is she telling these intimate details? What’s wrong with her?
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ScarletPimpernel
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,662
(SuperPoster!)
10 7,088 hugs
given |
#7
Because she told me she would tell me when she started trying again. She did that with the first pregnancy as well. I brought up that she didn't warn me, and that's when she told me it was an accident. I feel it's like a slap in the face especially since she knows my infertility struggles.
__________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
AnaWhitney, ChickenNoodleSoup, LonesomeTonight, SalingerEsme
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,833
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9 1,294 hugs
given |
#8
Quote:
I wonder if you’d do better with older therapist? |
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AnaWhitney, iheartjacques
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Member
Member Since Sep 2022
Location: Eire
Posts: 172
2 2 hugs
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#9
Think you're best out of that situation... Unless it is serving a purpose...
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ScarletPimpernel
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Member
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 441
9 396 hugs
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#10
Oh Scarlet, my heart just sank when I saw the thread, I’m so so sorry you are going through this again ❤️*🩹❤️*🩹
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ScarletPimpernel
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Human Feeling
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,341
13 3,469 hugs
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#11
I'm sorry, Scarlet.
I have no words for how much this sucks for you. It's mad to me to think that she would try again so soon. And yet, here you are having to figure out how to navigate it again. All the hugs, if wanted. Lost __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
ScarletPimpernel
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ScarletPimpernel
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,662
(SuperPoster!)
10 7,088 hugs
given |
#12
I'm mostly fine with her having babies. But to have an "accident"?!?! And having to deal with another leave after the last traumatic one? And having one so soon? She told me she didn't know if they'd have another. She wanted her children to have siblings. But she said she couldn't afford another. And now I'm going to have 3 months without support, her coming back only once a week telehealth for who knows how long now that she'll have a second: two under two. I know she didn't do this to me AND she sure didn't consider me when it comes to her having more children and how it affects me. Not that she would not have children, but the timeline, giving me a chance to get used to the idea, etc. Saying that she had an "accidental" pregnancy is such disrespect. And she's acting like none of this matters. That she isn't affected by this or by me. I don't believe she feels anything. She's probably just happy for herself that she's going to have a new bundle of joy.
__________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,749
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#13
Quote:
Just an observation. I dont know how to reconcile the two views. As you say, her side "always wins." I learned how to accept the negatives in my life from my t, who had similar negatives but overcame them. I dont think i learned much from my ts who always won and didnt understand what it was like to really lose. |
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iheartjacques, ScarletPimpernel
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,662
(SuperPoster!)
10 7,088 hugs
given |
#14
Thanks Luna.
This is why I'm feeling like it's over. Yet again she wins. I can't compete against her and her children's needs. I will always lose to her and I will always lose to them. My needs and even wants are not important. I need stability. Is that too much to ask from a therapist? I just gave up our office of 2.5 years. I am dealing with a lot of things that are unfinished (our ruptures and other misunderstandings). And now, once again, the focus becomes her. She says it doesn't have to be. But how could it not be? This will affect me for well over a year. This impacts me greatly. And she doesn't care. She blamed it on my sensitivities and trauma. Maybe so, but it's still her actions that lead to this. She is still responsible. But maybe I give her too much credit. Maybe she just is an irresponsible person. Especially when she's off her meds. She doesn't seem to own that that itself causes problems. But of course, since she's pregnant and breastfeeding, she can't be on her meds. So at least another 2 years of her uncontrolled behavior. I don't know how to reconcile this. I am looking at the glass half empty. Her stupidity doesn't help me in any way. I do have problems accepting negatives despite having experienced so many. I think it's mostly been having someone to lean on. I haven't taken care of myself since before H. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
ChickenNoodleSoup, LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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unaluna
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,544
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9 76k hugs
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#15
Could you work on finding a new T while still working with L for a bit? How far along is she in this pregnancy?
Also, it could be that she also wasn't ready to get pregnant again and is also struggling with this in her own ways. But she's trying to be positive about it for herself, and that's how it comes across to you. I'm not sure if that makes sense. Basically, she might be having mixed emotions about it, not all happy. I will add that no form of birth control (aside from a hysterectomy--as even vasectomies can reverse themselves) is 100%, so it could be she was trying to be careful and was one of the small percentage that got pregnant on the pill or whatever she was using. If it was the pill, if she had to take antibiotics at some point, that can make it less effective that month, for example. And if she did make a mistake, like forget to take a pill or something like that, she could be beating herself up for it inside. It does sound like it's best to find a new T at this point though (and I'm not one to generally suggest that, but you also said it first). Or at least to find someone with whom you're comfortable to use as a backup while she's on leave and maybe for part of the telehealth time, then consider resuming with her later. Maybe someone who has no connection to her? |
ChickenNoodleSoup, East17, iheartjacques, ScarletPimpernel
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,662
(SuperPoster!)
10 7,088 hugs
given |
#16
I don't know how to take in what you said about her possible feelings and birth control. Right now, I don't even care about her situation for herself. I know that sounds mean and even cruel, but it's the truth. Right now I'm trying to figure out how I cope and survive this and whether I stay or leave.
Yes, I don't want referrals from her: inside or outside her business. Plus, if I do leave her, I'll need someone who accepts my insurance or is willing to. Like no one in her business accepts insurance, but she's doing it for me. So I'm sure her referrals won't accept my insurance. And that's a fear about her leave. Who is going to see me AND accept my insurance if it's within her business? G did. But would anyone else? I'm going to be alone again. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
AnaWhitney, ArtieTheSequal, ChickenNoodleSoup, LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail, Taylor27
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 35,034
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#17
Given that she is pregnant = what would her caring look like to you - what do you want her to do at this point that would be useful to you? Not whether she will do it or not -that is a different step -but do you in yourself have ideas on how she could help you with the idea that someone can care even when you are not getting what you want?
Also - perhaps this is a time to grow your support base with other people and she could support you through that. Having just a therapist as the lone support might not be serving you well in general. Also - give yourself credit - you made it through the first one and you can make through the second one if you decide you want to do so. You survived without this one for a long time - not to diminish her importance to you but putting it more in perspective where you are able to do it even where you are not completely happy about it. __________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Last edited by stopdog; Aug 29, 2024 at 03:38 PM.. |
iheartjacques, LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2017
Location: In a land far far away
Posts: 1,643
7 1,335 hugs
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#18
I'm so sorry, Scarlet. Thinking of you.
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ScarletPimpernel
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,544
(SuperPoster!)
9 76k hugs
given |
#19
Quote:
I may be explaining it poorly. So, OK, let me try something else. With Dr. T, at first, I thought he was all happy and excited about the move, when all it was doing was being disruptive to me and my sense of safety. But finding out that he had some mixed feelings about it, too, that he'd miss the space and was a bit unsure about the new one, helped me a bit. Because it wasn't just, he was happy and excited, and I was miserable. I even said at one point that I felt better that he was kind of sad about it, too. (This was back before the move turned into a giant mess.) I know this is a different thing--and you've also just dealt with a move. And haven't fully recovered from the ruptures of her last pregnancy. And there's the complicating factor of her meds, too. I do think you need to focus on yourself and what you want and need right now, getting through this, like you said. Would there be an opportunity for you to meet with T, just to talk this through? I know you've been less sure about her lately, but it's someone you know. |
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ScarletPimpernel
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,662
(SuperPoster!)
10 7,088 hugs
given |
#20
SD,
I don't actually think I want or need anything from her anymore. I needed stability and consistency, but clearly that's not going to happen. Maybe I want her to feel things. Guilt, empathy, pain, sorrow, grief, etc. Maybe if she felt these things, maybe I'd believe she cared. But as far as actions, all she has done is failed me. Hugs, sessions... I don't know what else, but those won't heal this. I do need to grow my support system. Mine is very small. If you count my pdoc, I have 6 people and 4 dogs in my life. I have no goals and no purpose except to not hurt those people and animals. I was working on grieving my infertility. That feels pointless to process with her now. You're right. I did do it last time. Two months completely on my own. No therapist. It was just so hard. I don't want to go through this again. But then again, we've had a ton of problems since she's been back, too. So I haven't had her back. And I have a feeling this won't be her last time either. That's why I'm really leaning towards just being done. Her stage in life is not meshing with the support I need. But then again, five years. I gave her my all. She knows literally everything about me. Everything! I'm torn. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail
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