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NP_Complete
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Default Sep 19, 2024 at 12:27 PM
  #21
I realize I never updated here. Life got in the way.

I did share what I wrote with him. It went fine. We've had some more back and forth journaling since then where he more fully explained his stance. One of the things he mentioned is that saying it to a client doesn't typically help. If you don't feel the truth behind the words, it will feel hollow. I think he'd rather I feel the truth, not hear it. The thing is I do feel it. I just don't trust myself enough to believe myself. I've tried to explain this further to him. I think by having this back and forth conversation, we'll more fully understand each other.

Of course this is complicated by the fact that he told me at our last session that he's moving out of state, probably at the beginning of the year. I've been seeing P since 2016, a good chunk of that at 3x week, so this feels like a huge loss. There's going to be this hole in my week where I get to sit in a room with him for 50 minutes. I'm still trying to process that he's actually leaving and our relationship will end. We may be able to continue with virtual sessions once a week, but virtual is not the same and I got the impression the continuing virtual sessions were to make sure we had a good ending, not necessarily as an ongoing thing. I don't think I've full absorbed this information yet. Life is not fair.
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Calla lily12
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Default Sep 20, 2024 at 12:58 PM
  #22
Quote:
Originally Posted by NP_Complete View Post
Thanks for everyone's insight. It all helps.

We have a session today. I wrote in my journal verbatim my original post. I haven't yet decided whether I'm going to share it with him or not.

I also met with my NP/prescriber this week. We talk about my life and stuff going on as well as the meds. I've previously talked to him about my relationship and feelings for P so I brought this up with him also. He said "it's not about him but about what he represents for you". While I get the whole transference concept, it doesn't feel to me that this is 100% transference. It feels like he said your feelings are tricking you which just feels invalidating. I know that it is partly that he listens and pays attention to me which is something I apparently crave, but I don't think that's all of it. Maybe I'm just tricking myself into thinking I like P as a real person and he is just some ideal concept. This has all gotten so confusing and I'm still not sure what to make of it all.
I don't think he meant to invalidate you, but
you know your feelings ...they are valid. I'm
not sure how to take "Your feelings are tricking you". It confuses me.

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