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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,697
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Oct 20, 2024 at 09:57 PM
#41
Thanks, Ana.
Yes, I prefer phone over virtual, too. It helps me not be overstimulated by eye contact. Sometimes seeing her is nice, but it is harder. In-person just is so much better. The withness I miss the most. But then again, I don't have to physically see her stomach virtually or by phone... That's the dilemma now. Can I deal with in-person or will I just be triggered? I wish this was like her first pregnancy. I actually enjoyed watching her grow. 
__________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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 ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,697
(SuperPoster!)
10 7,154 hugs
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Yesterday at 05:48 PM
#42
I don't remember anything about today's session except for talking about scheduling, vacations and leaves; there's good L, bad L, and good and bad L; I was feeling numb; loss of innocence; and something about mother-hunger. I know the topics, but I don't remember the actual point of any of these things.
__________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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| ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,575
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Yesterday at 05:54 PM
#43
Quote:
I'm sorry you don't remember much of it. Could you maybe ask L to fill in the gaps for you? |
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 ScarletPimpernel
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,697
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Yesterday at 10:20 PM
#44
Yes. Actually, I told her about my memory and she offered.
I asked my doctor for a neurologist referral. L said she thinks it's a good idea. I hope I don't have to wait too long for it and to get seen. I know everyone rushes to see doctors at the end of the year. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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| LonesomeTonight
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,697
(SuperPoster!)
10 7,154 hugs
given
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Today at 10:30 AM
#45
L helped me. Now I know what happened!
So we were talking about the 3 L's when we realized that if I accept good and bad L, that means I have to grieve the loss of good L, my old L, who I felt safe and protected with. The loss of innocence is about her. Realizing that she can hurt me this bad, make this bad of a mistake (birth control in this case). It's not about putting her on a pedestal, more believing in the good and ignoring the bad. And losing good L translates to losing my fantasy: my fantasy for her to be my mother in reality. I guess the fantasy can still exist, but the picture of her being a perfect mother is tainted now by reality. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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| LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,842
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Today at 10:39 AM
#46
Okay, now THIS is what i would call a rupture!
 Rupture and repair. There is now a new connection. Like that japanese gold ceramic glue stuff. No longer perfect, but now more nuanced and interesting than before.
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Human Feeling
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,386
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Today at 12:40 PM
#47
That is huge, Scarlet.
I'm glad L helped you to recall what you were discussing. My hope is that you will be able to allow yourself the space to process what this means for you with her support. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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