Physical contact with your therapist

pinklady59 · Oct 26, 2024 at 08:49 AM

I have been seeing my trauma therapist for 1 1/2 years. In the past few months she has taken to hugging me at the end of every session. Some days I can deal with it, others I cannot. If I refuse to allow her to hug me, her comments make me feel guilty like I am letting her down. And, she will bring it up next time. I have been diagnosed with C-PTSD. I have severe trauma and an aversion to the human touch. I have observed her with other clients, and she hugs them as well, but they don't seem to be bothered as much as I do. I have tried to discuss this with her, but I always end up feeling that I have done something wrong like I am denying her closure to our session; it is as if the "hug" is for her benefit and has nothing to do with me. One of the things I am working on in therapy is setting boundaries, but she refuses to let me set this one. All of this makes me extremely uncomfortable and is having an adverse effect on my therapy.

LonesomeTonight · Oct 26, 2024 at 01:27 PM

Hi, and welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry your therapist is doing this. It seems really inappropriate, especially considering that she's a trauma therapist. She should realize that not all clients want to be touched, let alone hugged. I would try one more time to discuss it with her, to say you don't want to hug at the end of each session (and if there is a time when you want one, you'll initiate it). If you struggle to say it out loud, you could write or type it out and either hand it to her or email/text it (if she allows that). If she won't listen, makes you feel guilty, etc., then I'm sorry, but I think you need to find a new therapist.

ScarletPimpernel · Oct 26, 2024 at 02:39 PM

If you don't want touch, even if sometimes feels good, it is your right to turn down touch. Ot's also your right if you want touch. Please don't ever accept touch if it doesn't feel good. That is a violation. If she won't listen, please do find another therapist.

unaluna · Oct 26, 2024 at 02:55 PM

It IS for her.

I would ask her, where is it written? Cuz we can show you where it is written NOT to.

What is wrong with her? I GET that she is TRYING to be NICE, but she is actually being dangerous, and she needs to stop / be stopped.

stopdog · Oct 27, 2024 at 07:56 PM

It is nuts for a therapist to touch a client without that client's consent. I would tell the therapist to stop - and wear spiky clothing to enforce the no

smileygal · Oct 27, 2024 at 09:37 PM

This sounds like a very difficult situation to be in. Sorry, you are having to experience this. It's very strange that she has just started hugging you after so many years together and not hugging. It's also very strange and completely inappropriate of her as a therapist not to mind a trauma informed therapist to be the one to initiate a hug especially because of your CPTSD and aversion to touch. She should also not be making you feel guilty if you say something. It is perfectly okay to say you are not comfortable with hugs. You do not need to take care of her feelings although I know that can be difficult not to do as someone with CPTSD.

MuddyBoots · Oct 28, 2024 at 01:01 PM

If you've tried setting that boundary and she doesn't listen that's on her, and you can show her you're doing a good job at refusing to let someone/her cross that boundary by leaving her.

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Physical contact with your therapist

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ScarletPimpernel Wise Elder Member Since Nov 2013 Location: US Posts: 8,715 (SuperPoster!) 10 7,185 hugs given	Oct 26, 2024 at 02:39 PM #3 If you don't want touch, even if sometimes feels good, it is your right to turn down touch. Ot's also your right if you want touch. Please don't ever accept touch if it doesn't feel good. That is a violation. If she won't listen, please do find another therapist. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica
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unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 40,888 (SuperPoster!) 13 68.7k hugs given	Oct 26, 2024 at 02:55 PM #4 It IS for her. I would ask her, where is it written? Cuz we can show you where it is written NOT to. What is wrong with her? I GET that she is TRYING to be NICE, but she is actually being dangerous, and she needs to stop / be stopped.
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 5,448 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,368 hugs given	Oct 28, 2024 at 01:01 PM #7 If you've tried setting that boundary and she doesn't listen that's on her, and you can show her you're doing a good job at refusing to let someone/her cross that boundary by leaving her. __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here]
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