[here today]

At the world in general and, specifically, the mental health profession and “professionals”, people who, like my T, want to “help people” and, of course, be respected members of society and get very well paid in the process!

Finally, after 6 years with her, I’ve made some significant progress with personality and dissociative disorders that previous therapists either didn’t recognize or know how to help with – in other words they weren’t a good “fit” because they couldn’t recognize or help with what was going on with me or refer me to anybody who could!!

When I started with her, and several years previously even, I was upset about this but I knew that I had to get “better” before I had a chance of trying to communicate about how absurd and hurtful the “system” is.

Several months ago I wrote about some of this and was considering writing a blog about the process of “getting better” but that’s not really where my “heart” is. Unfortunately, I’m still just mostly pissed. My therapist says that I need to “grieve” all the lousy, unhelpful, harmful therapy that I have gotten over the years. And a life that, now that I’m “better”, I see no point in. A life that I didn’t/couldn’t make, a me that didn’t participate very effectively, and the biological reality that the time is almost up.

My therapist says that the system is broken but that is outside her boundary. She is only interested in trying to help the people who show up at her door. Yes, it’s great if and when she can. . . but part of the reason that she helped me, I believe, is that I put everything I had into the process including interpretations of psychological theory which I researched and then applied to my own situation.

Arghhh. . . I’m close to dying (well, life expectancy-wise, not anything specific). I’m think I’ve got some good ideas – I’m a geek and that’s what we do, if we find a way to be a part of society, which I still haven’t much. Not being a part of society, not finding ways to “fit in”, is the residual of the personality disorder. Chicken and egg – I can’t contribute and participate if I don’t fit in and I didn’t fit in because of the personality disorder.

I’m so tired of failure and rejection – and still don’t know how to be effective in trying to communicate my ideas. Yet the urge goes on. . .

Anybody else interested in discussing ideas and theories about psychology and how, from the inside, we think they could be used better to help us and other people?

I've found through my healing that fitting in its a form of maddness.
I was angry at the world. Mine started with the social care system that knowingly placed me with unfit parents.
I'm over that. I've found ME. I follow my interests. Society is f#%^ked.
Life's imperfections are the same as the human condition. Imperfect.
I like your T's assessment. She helps who is right in front of her. That's the greatest way to effect any change.
Hood luck in your blog or whatever angle you take up.

[here today]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

I've found through my healing that fitting in its a form of maddness.
I was angry at the world. Mine started with the social care system that knowingly placed me with unfit parents.
I'm over that. I've found ME. I follow my interests. Society is f#%^ked.
Life's imperfections are the same as the human condition. Imperfect.
I like your T's assessment. She helps who is right in front of her. That's the greatest way to effect any change.
Hood luck in your blog or whatever angle you take up.

Great perspective. How did you find YOU? Maybe I still haven't done that.

[Skeezyks]

Hello here today: Thanks for this Thread. I appreciated reading it. It sounds like you're an older person. I am as well (67). Although I've struggled with mental health issues my entire life, everyone around me just ignored them my entire life (& they still do.) As long as I didn't make trouble, everyone was perfectly happy to just pretend everything was just fine. And for my part, I've been a master of denial. I've written elsewhere that if denial were blankets, I'd have been crushed by the weight. I managed to hold myself together until I began to unravel in my early fifties when it all began to unravel.

I related to your comment about being pissed. Truth-be-told, I'm angry as well. But I'm mostly angry at myself for allowing my entire life to go down the tubes, so to speak; and for all of the damage I did to other people as a result. And in fact it seems like, lately, my anger is becoming more palpable. Perhaps there is a sense in which I still need to grieve as well...

As I look back over my life, I have concluded that no good has ever resulted from me having anything to do with anyone. So at this point, although I am married, I otherwise keep to myself. By choice I have no friends or even acquaintances really, & no extended family. So maintaining solitude is easy. I've seen a few therapists over the years to no avail & I still technically have a pdoc. At this point, I only touch base with him once a year just to keep my foot in the door, so to speak, in case things go back down hill again in the future. I don't have much use for mental health professionals. I guess some people are helped by pdocs & T's. But none of it has been of much benefit to me.

[here today]

Yes, I'm 69. So that affects things -- more hope behind than ahead. And though I've done my best -- who hasn't? -- not much accomplished and sad regrets, and some of the damage I did to people and relationships came at the suggestions of therapists, and my mis- or incomplete understanding of what they were talking about.