[MissCharlotte]

The past six weeks have been most challenging and I find myself using all of my energy staying present.

At one point recently I had my eyes closed and I felt so tired that I knew I could literally fall asleep. Defense/resistance? probably but:

Has anyone here ever really fallen asleep during session?

[Mouse_]

I've felt this way when talking about or experiencing some very scary feelings, but normally once the feelings have been felt does the sleepy feeling come over me, before hand its more a numbing out.

[chaotic13]

No, I would have to feel comfortable to fall asleep. I do sometimes experience physical side effects immediately following therapy, so the physical exhaustion I can relate to.

[MissCharlotte]

Yes, Mouse I think that's it. Great description.

The numbing out you mention is akin to my dissociation. Then you feel and I guess the intense fatigue is almost the body's way of validating what we've been through?

[Perna]

I've had a critically hard time staying awake driving home from intense sessions and/or getting home and having trouble deciding if I would be able to eat before going to bed or would fall asleep in my food :-)

[Jennifer1084]

I have before, or at least came to the point I was about to. I realized with the help of my T that I was using it as a way of avoiding. I still struggle with it off and on. But it's really something you have to fight.

[chaotic13]

I've felt numbing sensations in therapy. Last session when I went in I had all these thoughts I wanted to express, but then a challenging issue was raised and everything just floated out of reach. I hate that because I can't figure out how to reconnect after that happens.

Mainly for me after a session I seem to lose fine motor control. I have trouble getting my hand to work to write out the check. I also totally wrecked my golf league record this past summer when I scheduled therapy before my matches.

[MissCharlotte]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
have trouble getting my hand to work to write out the check.

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I would NEVER be able to write a check after therapy. Sometimes I can't even drive safely and I have to pull over and chill.

I always write my check in advance and put it in my pocket ready to just hand to T.

I highly recommend this method!

[sunrise]

I agree, I always pay my T at the beginning of each session. I think it said he prefers this on the consent form I signed the first day of therapy. But if I forget, he doesn't hassle me, and I just pay it at the end. I tend to pay in cash, not a check, and he seems to like this. He says it saves him a trip to the ATM.

[chaotic13]

OK... so you both have experienced various side effects from therapy sessions, did you disclose these to you Ts?

I'm sure you can guess what my response is.

I experienced so much trouble writing a check 2 sessions ago, that it resulted in a billing error when my check was processed. When I reflect back on how I handled this situation, I cannot deny that I took deliberate steps to keep this problem under my T's radar. Now I have to decide... Is it good enough that I recognized my behavior and the underlying motivation for it? Or Do I have to come completely clean and tell her that I deliberately hide my therapy side effects from her? I have until Tuesday to figure out if I back up and disclose or let it go and try be more open in disclosing future problems.

Ah... the webs we weave.

[Perna]

Sure, the side effects are what are important! I treat them like pointers or flags of where to dig for the treasure :-)

I sat bolt upright in bed, like about Midnight one week because I suddenly realized I hadn't given the check I'd already written to T. At the end of each session it would make me anxious if I had to write the check while she sat and waited for me to write it so I'd make out the check before I went (usually, not always) and just give it to her at the end of the session instead. Well, I jumped out and bed and looked in my wallet and sure enough, I hadn't handed it to her. Well, that just made me think back to what we had been talking about and I'd been angry with her! Eureka! It was wonderful, here I'd unconsciously not paid her because I had been angry and not realized that at the time either but did now. I couldn't wait to get to my next session, called her and told her I had forgotten to pay her, asked did she want me to mail it or write her a check for twice as much the next week, etc. She reassured me next week was fine and we "rejoiced" when I told her what had happened.

It's the little things that can be so important and which come first and "build up", not the huge epiphany, assuming you ever even have one.

[chaotic13]

So in your case you didn't just realize, hey I was mad at her and leave it at that. Then next session you not only fixed the billing issue but also actually told her about what happened. Am I reading your response correctly. Did telling her really matter? You knew what happened either way.

[Perna]

Yes, because it's the sharing of what I'd "discovered" that is what matters. She was as delighted as I was, it was a sign that I could see things I couldn't see earlier, and I got to bask in her warm delight It was a connection between us because it had to do with both of us. We could discuss what had made me angry and why, etc. Eventually I would be able to recognize right away what I was feeling when I was feeling it and let her know and that's the entire goal of therapy, to know one's self and what one is feeling and be able to share it with appropriate others (the person you love, are angry at, enjoy, etc.).