Why am I so set on rejection from T?

Ok...rejection is coming from many levels..

At this particular point I looked at the weather forecast...and wednesday its calling for snow.....my T has simply said she'll only cancel due to sickness or family emergencies...so why....whhhhhyy do/am I worrying she'll cancel wednesday?

I'm also set on her leaving me...see I've been trying my best to get outta the house...well yesterday I didnt...but today I will...so I e-mailed her told her I was disapointed in myself and that I was planning to get out tomorrow ( today)...in the e-mail I also told her I was worried about wednesdays snow....

Basicly I'm worried to tell her of my worries of her rejecting me because I"m afraid that'll make her WANT to reject me...

See I'm not giving my T credit...and I Feel bad about it..I"ve seen her since alst July...and she's never canceled on me...nor has she ever said she's disapointed in me....

Yet I know until wednesday at 4:00 when I come in from school and I ask my mom "T didnt cancel did she" and my mom reply "No..go get rdy we gotta leave to go to your appointment"...I will worrie my head off......

This has only been going on for a month or less....why did it start....does everyone have a time like this in therapy?

Maybe its because this T is the only T that has helped me and the past 3 either A. Sucked. or B. DID reject me....

THanks for listening.

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Moonkin said:
Basicly I'm worried to tell her of my worries of her rejecting me because I"m afraid that'll make her WANT to reject me...

See I'm not giving my T credit

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Actually, you're giving yourself too much credit! You can't control your T, can't make her either want or reject you. Just like you can't control the weather or whether she has family emergencies, etc.

I think it is only in getting to know yourself, the good and the bad, that you can ever get a sense of security; grades depend on how hard we study and how "into" learning we are rather than on the teacher. The importance of grades changes when we start studying and learning for ourself rather than for grades, teachers, parents, or anyone else. Things become easier because we are on our own side rather than working against ourselves.

Therapy works the same way as grades. Going to therapy for what we can learn about ourselves, with our own agenda, and not primarily concentrating on our therapist is the most comfortable way I've found to approach therapy. Truly wondering about ourselves, why we did this instead of that, why we dreamed this symbol, etc. and looking at our day-to-day life and what it reveals, makes things more interesting and understanding comes faster.

If your therapist can't come Wednesday because of snow, it becomes an opportunity, a mini-adventure like in books and movies. How will you play it?

Moonkin
I've gone through periods where I feared my t would say "sorry, can't help you any more". I think it happens because we look to our t's to be there for us. We have shared secrets with them, they understand our pain. What would we do without them?
One day you will find the right opportunity to mention it to her. I think you will be happy with her response.
My t knows she is my safety and she appreciates that.
Good luck

Hi Moonkin,

I think sometimes when there have been repeated hard things in our lives, we get used to that pattern. You mentioned seeing a number of counselors, and either it didn't go well, or they quit. Sometimes we get accustomed to that sort of pattern, however painful it is, and that is what we come to expect the next time in a similar situation - even if the situation is going well. We think the same thing will happen again. It can take bravery to believe a new, better thing is actually possible, that this T truly *is* different, and *is* going to keep working with you. It can take some inside work on your part to let yourself think those more hopeful ideas, and trust in the relationship. Hopefully you are also talking with your T about your fears and concerns. That can help a lot, as well.

I think with me, there were times I worried about things like this when there were other more difficult things going on, and this was an unfortunate distraction from the real work which needed to be done. In other words, even though the T being absent or quitting was hard and scary to think about, it was easier to focus on something like this than the harder things which I needed to work on in therapy. I don't know if that is a factor in your case, but I think sometimes that happens with people. When I found myself doing this, I would try to remind myself that my T would be there next time, he'd always been very consistent in the past, and get busy doing something else - go for a walk, do some crafts, get in touch with friends, clean my apartment, write in my journal - do something productive and try not to dwell on it if possible.

Take care, and I hope things start going better for you.

Take care,
ErinBear

Quote:
"I think with me, there were times I worried about things like this when there were other more difficult things going on, and this was an unfortunate distraction from the real work which needed to be done. In other words, even though the T being absent or quitting was hard and scary to think about, it was easier to focus on something like this than the harder things which I needed to work on in therapy. "

This is so true!
Lily

what my T says is that with my history, it isn't surprising or my fault that i have these strong gut reactions to things... but what i do about them is in my control. It doesn't make it all stop.. not quickly anyway. It will take time, and work and a LOT of agonizing. It won't feel good at all... so you have to really want this.

and what is it you do about it? you talk to your t and ask for self-calming exercises... ask for strategies to help you deal with this. You won't be able to move forward or get much effective out of therapy without first learning how to handle the intense emotions which will wash over you.

deep breaths...