[happyflowergirl]

I had a very intense session, I was shaking incontrollable, the horror, etc of my past life.

He let me take a picture of his painting in his office to help ground me when I feel overwhelmed, when the PTSD has me so scared. It is now on my phone and it is everywhere I go now, a piece of comfort. He wants to see my 2x a week for awhile, never done that before. My old T I saw once every 2 weeks, then this T once a week, and now 2x a week with him. I guess I am pretty bad now.

I told him about a poem I have to write for my creative art/writing class discribing my birth. This is so hard. I tried to look up in the thesaurus words that meant, poison, not wanted, unloved, and I couldn't come up with bad enough words to describe how my mom felt about me when I was born. There are no words to what my mom has done to me my T said.

I was crying all session, telling him how my life is falling apart and now I have to write this poem about my birth. This will be so hard, but actually it probably is the best poem I have ever tried to write. I will share with you all when I am finished. But I have to be careful to not be too overwhelmed, but i Have his painting, a place of safety where nobody can get me, my mom or anyone because the place in the painting doesn't really exist. The only way I will ever feel safe is when she is dead. Then I will not be afraid anymore.
I felt my T cared about me when he talked to me, that makes me nervous, but he really does care, i know he does now for sure.

[RozG]

((((((((((((happyflowergirl))))))))))))

[happyflowergirl]

Thanks Kalamity Jane,

You are a lot of fun on games, my new favorite place!