[happyflowergirl]

It is weird how my mind floats somewhere after doing EMDR set to something that seems unrelated. My T is there looking at me, and I am thinking to myself about something, I don't even realize I stopped talking until he says something to tell him what is going on. It isn't dissociation, I am fully there and aware. This happened 2 times yesterday. One of the times, it was hard to even say what I was thinking, when I tried my voice sounded so soft and weak, he had to ask what I said. Normally I am talking a lot and kinda loud.

Last session I was focusing on my mom's evil eyes during EMDR, and then after the set was over, my mind went to really missing my dad, I wanted my dad to hold me, even though it wasn't something he did when he was alive.
But gosh am I dog tired today and so freaking depressed, just unhappy. EMDR wears me out a lot.

But i was wondering if any of you totally "go off into space" with your thoughts during T? Maybe I am just comfortable enough with him. One thing I do notice is that I hold no eye contact and I am fiddling with my sleeves or zipper or something, I don't look at him. Normally I hold eye contact in regular life well, even talking casually with my T most of the time. But in the middle of it all, I know he is there, but I don't look at him, my mind is within myself, running like a movie. I don't lose track of time, but I almost forget he is there, and my thoughts just take me inside my head. almost like thinking with my eyes closed, except they are open.

Hey. I think it is a kind of a dissociation. Where dissociation is conceived of as 'not being aware' of certain mental states (perceptions, memories, thoughts or whatever). One way to dissociate from some things is to become absorbed in others.

I do this a lot. In therapy I fiddle with my hands or something. Stare intently at the rug. I'm aware my therapist is there... But I'm not aware how how he looks or whatever because my mind is diverted.

Happens a lot with traumatic memories. They can be absorbing sometimes. Sometimes it is like I almost get lost in them. They capture my attention so fully that I'm not really aware of what is going on in the present room right now. Instead I'm back in the past somewhere even though my eyes are open.

Trauma, yeah. Sometimes my t tries to help ground me in the present by encouraging me to hear the birds outside the window or to look at something on his desk or something like that. To feel my feet on the floor even.

Hang in there. Can be hard sometimes.

[Mouse_]

HFG, yes that happens to me also, just-like-you-wrote.

[happyflowergirl]

hi alex,

What you discribe sounds like me. My T does grounding stuff with me too and it usually annoys me, hear my voice, feel the movement of the air, notice the traffic outside the window. But the reason it is annoying is because I am present, I didn't go anywhere, I tell I KNOW where I am! Maybe he is practicing when I am not there or when the memories might get overwhelming especially when we get to the hardest stuff.

I guess EMDR is like dissociation because he takes you to "the moment" while you are there, you have to watch his fingers move back and forth.
only these daydreams aren't happy ones, I guess that is what I discribe it as daydreaming. But to do that in front of my T , must show I trust him because that leaves you vulnerable in a way.
I am on spring break this coming week and have 2 appointments, it will be hard.

Thanks Alex
P.S. I agree with your disappeared messages on that other site.

[happyflowergirl]

Thanks Mouse,

Knowing I am not the only one make me think I am less of a freak.

[Kiya]

yep - happens in t... and out of t when somepne brings it up.
my choir director of all ppl flat out asked me yesterday "were you abused?" and off in to the spinning went my head. "are you in therapy"? as if it was any of his biznez. yes. "how's therapy going for you?" (spinning, spinning, into the darkness) oh it's just peachy!

[MissCharlotte]

Happens to me all the time. I do think it's dissociation, though perhaps a different form than you are accustomed to?

Peace

[splitimage]

Happens to me all the time in Therapy both when we're doing EMDR and not. Happens most with EMDR because it's so intense. It's like I have to go deep inside myself and talk with my ego states to figure out what I'm feeling and I just kind fo get this blank stare where I'm not seeing anything.

It's a bit like dissociation, but not really because I know I'm trying to process an answer to a question.

--spltiimage

[happyflowergirl]

splitimage,

That makes sense because I am always trying to come up with a why, try to intellectize what happened to me. My T asks me what I am thinking because a lot of times EMDR brings up more stuff or more detail. Sometimes I am just completely dumbfounded by what it brings up, sometimes it has nothing to do with the original stuff we were processing.Thanks for posting.