[Kiya]

yep - all about the party favors - i win

no - something like 500 views or 100 posts.

KIYA



We are not worthy
We are not worthy

[Kiya]

lol... ok ok...

WHERE'S THAT PARTY!?? I still have 5 more days to go... I could really use a margarita - STAT!!!

[Kiya]

Oooooooooooooooooh my gosh... where is t.... why is t not keeping in touch like she said =( i don't want to feel bad about this. i don't want to need her. i will go back on wed like everything's fine
but i'm getting more and more irritable and depressed... even on meds. and splitting a bit. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
can i just up my meds on my own? probably. should i call her first.... md doesn't care how i do it. so maybe it doesn't matter that much if anyone one knows.
i sat with her crystal a bit today to try and get grounded.. makes me nervous - afraid i'll drop it. i want to get it back to her so i can stop worrying about it. course, i couldn't pay my cobra ins so t's claims were denied. so i may not even have an appnt now.

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Kiya))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am sorry that your t has not called. I know how disappointing that must be. It may not be a good idea to change your meds or amount right now. You have so much going on that another change may not be good. If you feel you must please get hold of someone first.

Maybe you can sit on your bed with your crystal then it won't break if you drop it? Does it comfort you? Please try and use whatever positive skills you have to get through this time. I know how hard it must be.

I am sorry about your insurance. Hopefully it is something that you and your t can work through. Many of them will work on a sliding pay scale for some. You can discuss it when you see her.

Know I am here and I care.

BB

[MissCharlotte]

KIYA,

How ya holding up honey? I know you have till Wednesday to wait. I have until Tuesday, but you know it feels like T is dead. I can't freaking take this anymore. I am exhausted and I feel like I will need a vacation from his vacation. Can't take it. Just cannot take it.

mine isnt dead.. but i am disconnected.. felt that way before he left anyway. i see him tomorrow but i dont really care either way. i'd rather use my money for something important - like food or other bills. i adore him don't get me wrong.. but this break just removed whatever trace of connection. Now he feels like just some guy, a guy who takes all my money (and uses it for nice vacations while i have nothing). Yeah, that is some anger about that.. which adds to the gap between us.

im not sure what, if anything, i want from therapy now. i dont feel like i have any specific goals.

OTOH, i do miss him... and that bothers me. i dont want to miss him. i miss this guy who feels like just some guy.. paradoxical

((((((((((((((((((( Kiya))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry it's so hard. I know Wednesday still feels really far away. Keep posting here - it's not the same, but at least we can listen and send lots of

((((((((( fluff ))))))))))

I hope that you're able to feel reconnected after tomorrow. It's hard when they first come back, especially when we've had so many bad feelings when they were gone. Let us know how it goes.

((((((((((((((( miss charlotte )))))))))))))))

Darn Ts and their vacations! I SO hear you on needing a vacation after the vacation! T will be there for you on Tuesday. I hope you have a really happy reunion.

[Kiya]

Ok - i'm holding. I have work, so I am glad i didn't change anything. Never know when, being a sub.

i don't feel anything when i hold t's crystal... except maybe a slight burning in my palm. not really comforting - hate to admit.

[Kiya]

eh. t is not real any more. gone. poof. can't get an image of her in my head. can't recall her voice. can't remember when wednesday is - might be next year for all it matters.

i am sure all that will change when i'm there... but for now... who is this T person???

Yeah - a vacation from t's vacation. i totally get that.
hugs to you, too

[Kiya]

Fluff, hope your t apnt goes alright. you seem so down lately. =(

[Kiya]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
earthmama said:
((((((((((((((((((( Kiya))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry it's so hard. I know Wednesday still feels really far away. Keep posting here - it's not the same, but at least we can listen and send lots of

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

ty (((((((((((EM))))))))) yeah... i can't even get any meaning for wed or t in my head. the only thing real is that crystal and i have to again transport it back. and i keep thinking "What if i forget it!! Will it become the next Hippo and i will get bawled out for forgetting?!?!" So i am a little freaked about that.... stomach keeps hitting the floor each time when I try to figure out what day it is - see if i messed up yet.

(((Kiya))),
Only two more days after today I'm glad that you have work to keep you busy, I know that helps.

Hippo incidents should be illegal. We need to protest this objectionable practice!

Take care.

[Kiya]

Gahhhhhh... one day down... This time on wednesday... well, give or take. Ppl are having good connections back with their T's..... missing mine still.. sort of... still not really real, but my stomach did a flip to realize i'm in a t week again. and yet i want to say to t - "I don't want to talk about the past two weeks. They never happened. They weren't real." Mind- i can barely remember what happened anyway.

NO MORE HIPPOS NO MORE HIPPOS NO MORE HIPPOS

((((((((((((((((kiya)))))))))))))))))))

mine is back.. i walked in and all that crud vanished. T was.. well, T. Same hair, same smile, same everything.

[Kiya]

that's awesome FLUFF!!!

one more full day for me. and you know, i really have gotten through a lot without her, looking back;
2 flashbacks, a disconnect, a sense of my being contaminated or a monster, several part switches, starting a new job, 3 choir concerts back to back to back each with a solo and only one of my friends coming that i had invited... gosh what else.... went to yoga twice, had a few panic attacks, a med change, and also a job interview!! While i'm in a Masters Program.
*whew*!!! and even no c*tting.
Gold star, kiya.

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
MzJelloFluff said:
i walked in and all that crud vanished.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">What wonderful news. Sounds like a happy reunion.

[Kiya]

today is t day - finally.... tonight. i keep getting a jolt in the tummy when realizing i have to take back the crystal - i keep forgetting about it.

..........please let me remember to return it............