Pdoc would like me to go into the hospital.

(((Pink)))

No advice just, well wishes.

I haven't read the rest of the replies yet, but had to give you a

You are not a fraud. I wouldn't want a therapist who hadn't experienced being IN therapy. You are going to be a wonderful therapist, I'm sure of it. You are someone who has the courage to explore the difficult things in your own life, and to seek help when you need it.

As for inpatient, I've never been, but I think if my therapist or pdoc wanted me to go, and it was a time in my life when I was able to do it, I would definitely give it a try. I think that sometimes, for me, 50 minutes (or 100 in my case) a week is nothing. It's like throwing bricks in the grand canyon, especially right now when I'm dealing with some really ugly stuff from my past. It's hard to sit with this stuff between appointments. I think it would be so wonderful to be able to get some intensive, daily help. You deserve to do this for yourself, if it's something that would help, and something you want to do.

Now, off to read the other responses

I think if you feel it is something you need ,you should do it. Now is actually a good time being in-between things. In fact you can tell future employer that you want to take a couple weeks of vacation before you start. It is better than getting started with clients than having to take a emergency leave of absence.

Maybe your T feels like he should be doing something more for you to prevent this, so maybe there is some guilt there and loss of pride over his best client. Good luck...

(((Pinksoil))))

I went in-patient for 7 weeks last summer and it was one of the scariest decisions of my life, but also one of the best decisions I ever made. The hospital I was in had a pretty intensive therapy program that I took full advantage of, but what I really needed was to just break the downward spiral I was on & have the time and space to just focus on me and getting better. Lot's of women on the unit I was in, were dealing with cutting or other forms of si, so we even had specific groups around that, but I was in a really good psych hospital.

In some ways you're in the ideal place to go - you haven't started your new job yet, and if you're going to do anything intensive it's probably better to do it before you start your doctoral program because that will be stressful - might as well have as many coping resources at hand as possible right?

And needing help does not make you a fraud. It makes you very brave for admitting that you need and seeking help. Long run, it will probably make you a better T.

I'm cheering for you with whatever you decide to do.

--splitimage

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pinksoil said:
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Kiya said:
He sounds like such a good t!!

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I wish he could come with me. Sigh.

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me too, pink... me too =(

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earthmama said:
You are not a fraud. I wouldn't want a therapist who hadn't experienced being IN therapy.

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Oh my gosh i was sooooooo relieved when T mentioned what therapy was like for her. She's now a PMHNP and a PsyD. you can do it, pink.

I'm about to lose my mind. There are SO many things going on within the next couple of weeks, making it very difficult to schedule a time in which I would go to the hospital (if that's what I decide I want). I have a bridal shower, two concerts, a wedding, my graduation with my in-laws coming to visit, my birthday, and the start of a new job. How stupid I was to think that once I ended school I would have some time for myself. I'm sitting in my office at work, intermittently crying, with lots of new cuts from last night. Maybe I just need to kick my own *** and get it together because obviously my life does not accommodate this %#@&#!.

(((((((((((Pinksoil))))))))))))))

First of all my care and thoughts are with you even though I don't know you and don't post much. I've been in a similar situation myself. One thing I realized early in my career in mental health is if I am going to get anywhere in life I do have to stop my self destructive behaviors and I know yes easy to say but sometimes we have to put our health first, over anything else. The mood swings CAN be controlled. What helped me was actually kicking my own *** figuratively and getting myself into a program for my particular self destructive behavior and then working at it full speed ahead. I was not motivated, believe me but it had to be done and I forced myself to do it. You can do it too. Your career is important and the rest of your life is important. If you need to go to the hospital, that's what you need to do. .Everything else just has to be secondary to that. They might also try some new meds or combinations at the hosp and that can also help. Also try some nutritional approaches, read up on that. Take care and good luck.

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pinksoil said:
I'm about to lose my mind. There are SO many things going on within the next couple of weeks, making it very difficult to schedule a time in which I would go to the hospital (if that's what I decide I want). I have a bridal shower, two concerts, a wedding, my graduation with my in-laws coming to visit, my birthday, and the start of a new job.

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I just realized what an idiot I sound like. Who the hell schedules a time to go into a psychiatric hospital??

Well no, you are not an idiot. In the UK you used to be able to voluntarily go into hospital if you felt you were on the brink so to speak.

I personally think you have been through so much recently and about to start your dream job, can be very stressful. I'm not good with change, even with good change I react the opposite way to what you would think. Suicidal instead of happy!

I think you know yourself the best in what you need to do, but I would be inclined to step up the therapy with T and deal with this with him. You trust him the most right?

(((((((((( pinksoil ))))))))))

One thought - not sure if this is an option - but some mental health facilities have an outpatient day program that you still come home at night. But it's intense like a hospital stay. Is there something like this in your area that you could try? Maybe get the intense help that you need...but still be able to take a break and go to your graduation, and the shower, etc. Just a thought.

I've never actually been in one of these programs, I just remember reading about them.

(((Pink))),

Personally, I would rather have a T who not only has book knowledge but has done "field studies" (LOL). I'm a teacher and often feel like, how can I teach kids when I'm so moody, "crazy" etc.? I have come to realize that my greatest weakness is my greatest strength (my "craziness" so to speak). I can reach certain kids and understand them better than my "normal" counterparts. I have horrible to no organizational skills but this helps provide a positive, accepting environment where kids who have learning difficulties/emotional difficulties can learn without the pressures that someone else might exert upon them (I go through a gross of pencils in about a month. No one, including me, can ever find one). I don't know if sharing that helps you any or not.

How are you a FRAUD? Are you going into this just for the money (I know, what money, right?)? Are you doing this just to be in a powerful position (like, do you plan on wearing your purple boots every day)? OR are you taking the job knowing that you can help people like you already have done? I hope you realize that you are better equipped to help these people having gone through what they are going through and by the fact that you are still engaged in battle (which reminds me, if you need the army you know where to get them)?

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I have no idea what to do, so let me do the sensible thing and ask a bunch of people who I don't know-- Should I go?

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I don't have any experience going into hospitals (YET), so I can offer no advice on this one. I do like the fact that you still have your sense of humor, though. Don't ever lose that.

I'm glad that you will be talking to your T to decide, he hasn't led you astray yet. Take care of yourself and know that us strangers care.

(((PINK))). I think you already know the answer to the problem is to be in the hospital in order to get a rest, and get into a more structured and supportive inpatient environment to help you heal and move forward since you are struggling with a lot of things at this time. I think and feel that you would place someone else you were treating that was in the same position as you are at this time into hospitalized treatment if they were in the same boat. Getting professional help as a professional is not a weaknes, it is just the most Successful way of coping with the problem. Take care (((PINK))) try to just think of the stay as being a beneficial part of recovery so you can move on with your future. PM anytime. Soidhonia

Sounds like you have a great T at least. Glad you're getting help with this decision.

I've seen from other threads that you are going through a lot of change right now. I can't imagine how stressful that must be. I'm sure you will make the right decision. Just take care of yourself and be safe. Everything else can wait.

Best wishes.

(((((((((( pink ))))))))))

It sounds really frustrating to be in a positive momentum with your life but to still have these things holding you back.

The hospital will provide a safe environment where you can explore the feelings you have that lead up to cutting without actually harming yourself. I think it has the potential to be a very therapeutic experience for you.

From your posts here you seem like someone who is in control of their life. You know your options, the risks and are well educated on your behavior. Sometimes it can be very hard to just give up that control for a while. I hope that your therapist can help you make this a very positive experience whatever you decide to do.

I thought of an analogy for you pink, as far as being a therapist but still needing a therapist.

Think of it like a weight loss center. Imagine going to see a dietician who was a fully trained expert in nutrition and weight loss, but who was one of those women who is naturally thin and has never had to lose a pound in her life. She has never struggled with emotional eating, never had any kind of eating disorder, always been healthy.

Now imagine that there is an equally-trained expert who not only has all the tools and expertise to help you - but that person also conquered compulsive overeating, and lost over 100 pounds, and kept it off for 10 years.

Both of these people are trained, and both can help you lose weight. But only one of them *REALLY* knows what you're going thru.

It's like therapists. Sure, anyone can be a good therapist if they have the right personality and plenty of training. It's not necessary for them to have suffered a mental illness. But the fact that you have gives you that much more insight into your patients. And it can help show them that wow, even therapists get mental illnesses.

Hang in there pink. You're doing great.

i have been MIA from the boards love.. i am SO sorry i missed this until now...

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I do need a place in which the means to act on the impulses have been removed-- and possibly a place where support is available around the clock.

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these are your words pink... do you need more of an answer than this?

i hope the talk with ash was beneficial today... he knows you best, i would trust his judgement.