Pdoc would like me to go into the hospital.

I just came back from my appointment with him. He strongly urges me to go into the hospital, thinking that it will be beneficial for me as far as my cutting, if nothing else. He is going to call T and discuss it with him. If I am going to do this, this is the only time for me-- because I am in between school and my new job right now. I'm only working three days per week at my current job, and they wouldn't have a problem if I had to take off for a bit. I have no idea what to do, so let me do the sensible thing and ask a bunch of people who I don't know-- Should I go?

Also, not to be rude, but if your comments are about how the hospital is an awful, scary, terrible place, I do not need to hear them. That is not helpful because I am familiar with the hospital in which I would be staying at. It has separate units (including a women's unit for people with problems similar to mine), private rooms, and gorgeous grounds. Also, I just spent a year as a therapist in an inpatient hospital, learning about all the good the right hospital can do for someone who is willing to accept the help. I was only inpatient once, almost nine years ago, when I was 18. That was not a plesant experience and I left after one day, Against Medical Advice.

Well, now I'm going to meet with the human resources department of my soon to be job as a therapist. Can we say... fraud? That's what I feel like today. Like a fraud. Like nothing is real.

Pink I know you have really been struggling for the last few months with mood swings and your cutting. It might be a helpful thing for you to consider a short stay in the hospital to break the cycle and maybe get back on even footing emotionally. It will be kind of like a "time out" where you just focus on you and getting your cutting under control. I've been in the hospital a couple of times and my experience was not bad at all. A little un-nerving maybe but I found it to be useful time where I could focus only on me and get some healing done. I Hope that this helps you and I wish you luck in your decision.

Actually Pink, I am surprise that he wants you to go for "cutting."

I am starting by saying that I have been in the hospital a number of times and do not have a problem with them.

But, the idea of putting someone in the hospital for cutting does not make sense to me. All being inpatient will do is remove the opportunity from you (and actually I have cut in the hospital and then been given one-on-one supervision)

Cutting requires dealing with the issues in therapy. Being in the hospital does not take those issues away. It just removes the opportunity, as best as it can. When you get out, the issues are still going to be there.

To me, going to the hospital for cutting is a waste of your money and time. You would be better off spending it in therapy with your T dealing with the issues that make you cut.

A good analogy is this:
An overweight kids wants a cookie from mom. Mom hides the cookie jar that day so the kid does not have access to the cookies. But after a week, mom puts the cookie jar back....the kid still wants a cookie.

Unless the hospital is like the SAFE program in Chicago that spends months focusing on the issues behind cutting and everyone their is a cutter, then I don't think it is worth your time.

(((((PINKSOIL)))))
If your Pdoc thinks it might be helpful and you can afford to go, then go. What could it hurt, right?
You said you know about it and you are familiar with the place and it sounds nice enough.

Maybe you should go. It won't be for long, right? You said work would be ok with it.

Just my opinion, but you know yourself and your situation best.



BJ

I didn't mention anywhere in my post that cutting was the only reason that my pdoc wanted me to go into the hospital. Anyone that does cut obviously has other problems besides that one behavior. Like Little Mouse said, I have been struggling for a long time with not only my cutting, but with intense mood swings and other destructive behaviors. My cutting has reached the point in which I can work on it all I want in therapy to figure out the underlying meanings-- but that's not going to stop the behavior. I do need a place in which the means to act on the impulses have been removed-- and possibly a place where support is available around the clock. Sometimes you have you put an intervention in place before you do something really dangerous to your body-- whether the "issues" are worked out or not. I haven't decided yet whether or not I am going. However, I do know that if I do, it is for something more than just cutting, although that is a big part of it. Before I walked out of his office today, I turned to him and said, "Give me one more reason... one more reason to go than just to temporarily stop the cutting..." And he did. So now I have to think.

(((((((Pinksoil))))))))

I think you have a wonderful T and a wonderful Pdoc, both of whom support you tremendously. If, after consultation with T, you decide you need the inpatient support a hospital can give, then you should go. Trust yourself and your process.

Sigh.

People here who think they know what is good for you are fooling themselves, not you, so pay that no mind. Just stay focused on what the next best thing is for you.

Oh, and by the way, I agree with your pdoc. You are not a fraud -- you have illness and you are taking care of it. So there!

Peace and Love coming your way.

xoxoxoxoxox

Well, only you know how bad you really are right now. But I think that it sounds like the timing is right - and it might be best to go NOW, and avoid more problems later on...when you are working and can't afford to take the time off.

I say if you think you'll end up there eventually....go now. If you think you can handle things without it, then don't bother.

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pinksoil said:
I just came back from my appointment with him. He strongly urges me to go into the hospital, thinking that it will be beneficial for me as far as my cutting, if nothing else. Should I go?

.

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I was responding to your comment about the cutting where you say the above. This comment makes it appear that the hospital issue is strongly suggested because of your cutting. You mention no other issues in your post, except that this is a good time to go to the hospital and how the grounds of the hospital are well-kept, etc.

You did not say, I have been terribly depressed, having violent mood swings, etc that are affecting my life more now than before. This is what you said and this is what I responded to. Obviously if you are cutting, these issues are here. But the question really is, are your issues interfering more with your life than before. That is when most people are admitted to the hospital. You did not mention this. You mentioned the cutting.

You asked for responses and I responded based on my experience in hospitals and cutting issues. And as I stated, yes, it will prevent you from doing the act while you are there, but once you get out, nothing will have changed. The only thing that will change the behvaior is intensive therapy. If you need scientific referenecs, I will be happy to supply them. Attacking me for responding to what you posted is out of line. I responded to your question.

What you really wanted was support and not suggestions about whether to go or not. Because if you wanted suggestions either way, you would not have been so quick to dismiss my response.

((((((((Pink)))))))))
You trust your Pdoc and your T a lot - Their advice is probably sound and based on solid judgement. Sounds like a "time out" might be needed - gets you away not only from the ability to cut, but also away from being a T and taking in everyone's pain for a bit? Like resetting your system and doing a mental detox?
Hope you're feeling better soon... thinking about you...
Kiya

Apparently T already heard from pdoc and called me right away-- he left a message, but I was in my meeting with the human resources person.

I don't know why I even asked anyone's opinion on here. I don't even know why I left T a message back, asking his opinion. I'm in a %#@&#! spot right now and I can't even express to anyone what it is like to be in the midst of getting a position as a therapist and trying to decide whether or not I should be an inpatient because I have crazy %#@&#! mood swings and can't stop cutting myself up. Do you know how %#@&#! up it feels when one hour ago, I was being asked when I would like to start this job as a therapist, and I'm thinking.... Well, I might be hopsitalized so I have to allow time for that....

I can't stabilize myself in the sense of which is career that I'm entering into. That is %#@&#! sad.

Pink, it sounds as if you also think that hospitalization might help. if that is what your pdoc and T advice, I think it's a good idea. You sound ready for help and it might be a bit of a respite where you won't have to feel afraid. You sound pretty confident about the faciity, but if it should turn out awful, you can just leave again. Also, the timing is in your favor now, with work and all. My opinion is to go for it, but opinions are easily given!
Let us know how it works out. Wish you the best.

(((((((Pinksoil)))))))

I'm not sure what I would do in your place, it must be extremely stressful right now. I am sure you will make the right decision whatever that may be.

I really think you should go. Perhaps it is what you need to help you relax and prepare for your new career.

And I understand what you mean about trying to be a therapist when you still need a therapist. But think of it this way - you *really* know what your patients will be going thru. Not just fake empathy, but real empathy. That is very valuable.

I would go into the hospital and see if I couldn't get a new or different perspective on things as well as break the cutting habit and maybe even a little stress rest. I use to stand on the dresser in my bedroom and look around my room, looks wholly different from that angle :-)

It has to feel messed up to be getting ready to take a job as a therapist and worrying about whether you should go in hospital or not. Maybe you can journal the experience and it will come in handy in your work one day. I would try to think about it a little like journalists do who are embedded in a gang or prison or war, etc. Right now you may be having difficulties but you're also only at the beginning of your "real" training and work, etc. Bipolar ain't easy to get under control all the time. My billionaire uncle had it and lost everything, got out of a hospital stay and made it all back. You will still be you with your personality and skills and knowledge, etc. That you have an illness that's difficult to treat is not about "you" personally and what you are doing with your life. It doesn't reflect on you as a therapist.

Think of Jamison and the therapist with the really deep depression who needed ECT, etc.

Pink, what did t say?

I just spoke with him on the phone. He said that before I do anything, he wants to make sure we see each other on Wednesday. He said that should I decide to go into the hospital, there are things he wants to talk about with me-- things we could do to make sure that my experience is beneficial, not traumatic.

He said that he has the same ambivalence that I do about the decision of whether or not to go in-- he said he needs to figure out his own ambivalence and what that means for him and for me.... and then we will talk about that on Wednesday.

He sounds like such a good t!!

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Kiya said:
He sounds like such a good t!!

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I wish he could come with me. Sigh.

Hey, he's the T of the to-be T who may be going into hospital; think of his feelings? :-)

Cutting is an addictive behavior, and like most addictions, sometimes the only way to STOP is by force. Breaking the cycle can force a person to address it. Think alcoholism. . .a drunk never gets anywhere till they stop drinking; whether by their choice or by commitment.

Pink. . .you know where I stand on this. Got home last night, made it nearly 24 hours on my on so far. Sounds like your place is like mine was.