[MyBestKids2]

My current therapist and I have been in a therapeutic relationship about a year (on again/off again). He is a clinical psychologist and also has a full time job as Director of the Patuxent Institution which is famous for deaing with incarcerated inmates with mental health issues.

I do feel very comfortable with him. I respect him, and I think he respects me. But I can't call him by his first name. Whenver I am in his office, and a patient leaves they say "Bye R_____".
I can't, I have to call him Dr. N_____

He's not incredibly old and even on our first visit he said I could call him by his first name, but I can't.

Sounds silly, but it really bothers me!

[(JD)]

The reason why it bothers you is more important than what you call him. I have been seeing my pain T for over 20 years, and I still will respect him by calling him Dr Frazier. He wouldn't mind if I call him by his first name, and other patients do. I just don't. It's ok with both of us. He is a clinical psychologist with expertise in pain and stress management. I think the least I can do is honor him with the title.

I call my T, Dr. _____. (and I have two "Dr" degrees)

It sounds really funny, but my expertise is not in T's area of expertise.
For me, it is a sign of respect. (and realistically, probably a way to keep T at a distance!)

Now, once a T asked if he should call me "Dr Dr Rip" at which I proceed to crack up and

I agree with Sky. What is your reasoning? Respect? Trying to keep T at a distance? Other?

[gimmeice]

For my first few appointments I called my T Dr. ____ but then I relaxed a little and now I always call her by her first name.

[sidony]

I call my T "Dr. _____" also even though I know his other clients call him by his first name (something I learned from joining group therapy with them). It never occurred to me to call him anything different. I feel a bit weird in group though, never use his name at all.

I address all my doctors by Dr. ________ unless they've specifically asked me to do otherwise. I just considered it a professional courtesy. But I never thought of asking him his preference. Seems a bit late at this point (2 years in...).

Sid

[okiedokie]

I don't call anybody Dr. anything. I guess I've worked WAY too long in the medical field. Why is that a way to show respect? Because they paid to go to school for a while? I have also paid for school for two degrees, but I don't think people should show me respect on that basis alone.

I have an aunt who is a Dr./Sr. LOL! She is a doctor who is also a nun or vice versa. So now what would you call her?!


Okie

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
okiedokie said:
Why is that a way to show respect?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Respect in the fact that they took the time, energy, and committment to study something to help people. Money aside. It is an extreme committment to get a PhD or MD.

Less than 1% of the population has a PhD. And if the PhD/MD is in the helping professions, that is respectful, IMO, because the degree is used to help people.

(Note: I have both and I don't require anyone to call me Dr. except the kids who have a nickname for me ~ but when I go somewhere to present or talk, it is usually a sign of respect for my abilities and expertise that I am about to share that they use my "title")

And my T, works in a different field, I respect her expertise in that area. Her title is well-deserved.

[Rapunzel]

I call my T by her first name. Everybody does. Even when I took a class from her, before she was my T and before I had met her in person (the class was broadcasted on satelite), everyone called her by her first name, and she told us that she used her title if she needed to get someone's attention, but preferred that most people call her by her first name.

But everybody is different. People who have been respected and honored may find it easier to let go of the need to be addressed by their titles. Not that they are any less proud of their acheivements, but they can afford to be more casual. I read the story once of a black woman who had a phd and was interviewed on a talk show along with several white men who also had phds. The host called the men doctor, and addressed the woman by her first name. She corrected the host on the matter, and the men all responded by saying that the host could call them by their first names too. They didn't understand that this woman was not in a position to afford to let go of her title, because she didn't otherwise get the respect that she deserved and needed.

I wonder if those who can't call your T by their first name may have more of a need for formality and titles because of your own experiences. Not that people who use first names don't need respect, but may be at a different level of development in that area, whether it is one of not recognizing need for respect, or a level where they feel the respect regardless of titles. Both for themselves and others.

[splitimage]

I call my T by her first name - I started seeing her before she'd finished her PhD. But I always call my pdoc Dr., I view it as a sign of respect and I know she prefers it. My addictions Dr. who I also see for therapy is somewhat problematic for me. I'm in a group with her as well as seeing her privately - about half the people in the group call her by her first name, and about half by her title. I always call her Dr., but if she calls me to cancel or reschedule or an appointment she always says "it's Bonnie" and I'm always like who's Bonnie? for a couple of seconds until it clicks in. I know she's comfortable with being called by her first name, I'm just not that comfortable with her and like the formality / distance using her title provides.

--splitimage

[complic8d]

This is interesting as it is a problem I have too. I recently typed up a "dialogue" between all the parts of my personality (all the arguing that goes on in my head). In it i commented, after I referred to her as Dr._______, that I could only call her that to keep her on the pedestal I have her on. She said maybe I should take her off that pedestal, that maybe that would help. I CAN"T do that, not yet. I don't know why it's so important for me to keep her there, maybe if she's just "human" like me then she can't help me?? I don't know, of course it's just another thing to work on in therapy (as if there wasn't enough!)

[sunrise]

Perhaps part of it has to do with the T's theoretical orientation. My T is of the humanist school, which places a high value on mutualism in the therapeutic relationship. If only one person in the dyad used a title, that would make that person seem superior, and mutualism would be hampered. I have always called my T by his first name. He doesn't have a PhD, but the title for him would be "Mr." and I have never used that. Similarly, I don't expect him to call me "Dr." (I have a PhD). We're on a first name basis--it aids the relationship and is consistent with his theoretical stance. I am comfortable with this and willing to oblige.

I almost never have people call me "Dr." Only when I go to professional conferences and such and in very formal academic situations. That relaxed style of usage is part of the culture of my profession. It would be considered arrogant to always want to be called "Dr." I don't need constant pats on the back in recognition of my "achievement." But I do realize the culture of other professions may be more formal. Also, I think it is good to respect what the T wants to be called. If in doubt, ask the T, or pick up cues from observation.

[kim_johnson]

I don't call my therapist anything at all. If I did need to address him I'd probably call him Dr. Lastname, though. How come? Hmm... Maybe because it fits better with the kind of mutualism that I like in our relationship. He is really very good at not standing over me and at facilitating me find my path. I like to build him up sometimes (so our equality is on a higher level). Lol. I'm not quite sure. Maybe because I feel like it would be so easy for us to be friends sometimes (because I do really like what I know about him as a person). So I find it more comfortable to keep the formalisms in the little things. Make sure I'm respectful of boundaries or something.

I think this is a personal thing that could vary considerably depending on the kind of relationship one has. I've had therapists who I really was comfortable addressing by their first name. Maybe... I'm keen to keep the transference fatherly rather than allowing it to be sexual... I don't know...

[dalila]

<font color="green">Interesting, I call my T Dr. K and always have. She was my dd's therapist first so it was a respect issue. When she became my therapist, I laready felt so close to her that I was concerned about keeping the relationship therapuetic rather than personal. After all this time and reading all these posts I wonder if it is not time for a change. I don't think it would change my respect for her. I am so attached to her now I doubt that calling her by name would change much.</font>

I always call my T by his first name. He doesn't have a doctoral degree. I call him by the shortened version of his first name because he identifies himself that way when leaving a message on my phone or sending me an email.

I have called him lots of other lovely names to his face, but I'll leave that for another thread, lol.

It's so cute-- sometimes he calls me Dr. because I am a future Psy.D. But mostly, he just refers to me by first name. :-)

I had a really hard time using his name for, like, the two years of seeing him. It just seemed weird.

My therapist is not a doctor, and it would just seem weird to call her Mrs. _____. I've always called her by her first name. That's how she answers the phone "Hello, this is _first name_", so I figure she's comfortable with it...

I would find it hard to call her Dr _____. I find our relationship to be mutual, one not above the other - a journey together. I know people who have their doctorate who have paid a lot of money and dedicated a lot of time to get their title, but I don't think I'd be comfortable with it.

If the therapist leaves it up to you, though, take whatever is most comfortable.