Just some questions...

Hey everyone,
I'm pretty new to the forum, but I've been reading posts for a few months now. I've been in therapy on and off for probably about 4 years now, but never been with a therapist for very long. I was curious how long everyone has been with their current therapist (or favorite..?) and how long it took them to feel like they could really open up. I have a lot of problems with judgement, which is a little silly since I'm paying them to not judge me and just help me. Does anyone ever feel like they're not really sick and they're just wasting everyone's time? Thanks for any comments!

Ro

Ro, I've been in therapy for 11 months. It has probably been only in the last 2-3 months that I've felt that my T was someone I could trust with some of the thoughts i my head.

As for the ...not really sick.. just being overly sensitive... I'm wasting both mine and her time... thoughts, well as of today's session I'm still not completely over this part yet.

Any good therapist won't judge. You go to a T for help, someone to find you where you are, and help you get to where you want to be.

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

Want to share your Christian faith? Click HERE

About 15 months in therapy -- this time.

3yrs and 8months of 2x wkly.

Welcome! I have seen my T a total of 2 years, but only 1 of that is for individual (used to see her for couples). I am still not to the point of opening up.

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Does anyone ever feel like they're not really sick and they're just wasting everyone's time?

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Yes. Often wonder how long it will take for it to sink in that I'm not wasting T & my's time.

Lemon, as long as you wish to see your T, you aren't wasting T's time!

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

Want to share your Christian faith? Click HERE

I've been seeing my T for over 10 years now (EAK) and I was pretty open with her from the start. Obviously with long term therapy, objectives change, and I feel like I'm able to be way more honest with her about really deep stuff in the last year. At no point have I felt like I'm wasting her time.

I do sometimes wonder if I'm wasting my psychiatrists time - she's the clinical director of an intensive in-patient unit at a major psych hospital and sees very few outpatients. I used to wonder if I was sick enough to need her care, until I went inpatient last summer, and since then I've grown to accept that my care is sufficiently complicated to need someone with her expertise.

splitimage

yeah Ro, i do wonder those things, too. I've been in 5 years now, with 5 different t's. Current t is just 7 months and as of yesterday i think i'm a t-flunky. i just can't do it. she even said that it is time i start trying to talk about important things in there. she doens't understand - i tried. the words just wouldn't come out. Depends on the day wether or not i think i'm not sick enough...or think i'm not sick at all... or really know that i need assistance. but every week i feel like i'm wasting my t's time.

Thanks so much for all of your replies!

It really has helped me to see that even though therapy is very personal, a lot of people still go through similar problems! Wow, I feel like I'm in kindergarten with such a simple, yet amazing revelation! (So THATS how you tie a shoe?!)

Once again, thanks so much. I was really nervous about posting, but you all have made it so much easier for me! Okay, now I'm just getting sappy... It's late, what can I say?

Ro

=) everything we need to know we learn in kindegarten

A few months now with the current one, every other week.

Have gone through long and short periods with numerous other Ts.

I feel like I'm wasting my time (and his) and (my) money with a lot of them.

But, I also think that that perception is itself part of a compulsively negative cognitive style I've developed.

Also, I tend to feel like I'm "complaining" the whole time I'm there—I mean, sometimes I am, but I think I've somehow gotten this notion in my mind that's that what I *should* be doing, in part from TV and movies (*terrible* guides for what really goes on in therapy) but more because I come from a family in which talking about almost any problem can get reflexively dismissed as just another "complaint".

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RomanSunburn said:
Hey everyone,
I'm pretty new to the forum, but I've been reading posts for a few months now. I've been in therapy on and off for probably about 4 years now, but never been with a therapist for very long. I was curious how long everyone has been with their current therapist (or favorite..?) and how long it took them to feel like they could really open up. I have a lot of problems with judgement, which is a little silly since I'm paying them to not judge me and just help me. Does anyone ever feel like they're not really sick and they're just wasting everyone's time? Thanks for any comments!

Ro

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Hey Roman--

I really do understand the opening up bit. I DO like my therapist, and I've seen him for about 18 months. I've never seen a therapist before other than years ago for a short time, and I despised all of them, so it didn't last long as I had more important things to do than waste my time. I have problems with opening up, and asked long-time therapy goers how they do it. I never had one satisfactory answer. I decided it has to do with how relaxed I am. I am tense almost all of the time to varying degrees. I go off topic, and I talk about things that are not really the problems I should be discussing, that are on my mind outside of therapy. Part of it is I have ADHD and do not focus very well, especially with the anxiety.The other part is almost like avoidance because the feelings about what is really on my mind are disturbing to me. I take 90 minute sessions most of the time, because I used to have so much anxiety that I'd be wrapped up like a tense ball of fire and also extremely agitated. The agitation has subsided quite a bit, and the anxiety lessened to a degree, but I try to make 90 minute appointments now every time until I make some progress, because it takes me about 25 minutes into the session to even scrape the surface of the heart and core of my symptoms. I do whatever I can to try to relax myself every day, and especially on the day I have therapy. Sometimes distraction works, sometimes not. Sometimes laughing at funny movies or YouTube videos; sometimes reading about a subject I enjoy. I think you'll find that you have good days and then you will have not-so-good days, where your a bit off center and clam up.

I don't worry very much about being judged by my therapist. I figure that no one has the right to judge me. If a therapist was going to be judgmental about something I would ever say in therapy, I'd probably laugh at the T's stupidity and walk out. I think my T is a really good T, and I think liking your T's personality and their professionalism are very important. Being professional would mean NOT JUDGMENTAL. Judgments of the nature your speaking of have no place in any patient/provider relationship. You should also be aware that you are not paying them out of pity to have someone be non-judgmental toward you. You are paying them for their learned and esteemed professional ability to treat your symptoms. You are not a charity case; you are seeking professional help, just like someone with a heart disorder would see a cardiologist.

I suspect that you are only spending a short time with any one T at any given time because you quit therapy when it has only really began (which for anxious, nervous folks like myself can take longer than others) because you are afraid that T won't like you, and you will be judged, so you split. I'm just guessing, but I know people with severe social anxiety disorder who have similar really intense feelings that if people really knew them, they would think they wouldn't like them because they are unlikeable. I think it's somewhat related to a very negative schema involving low self esteem.

Give this T the benefit of the doubt. Stay with them awhile, and tell your T that what you just told us. See how he responds to that. It will probably be a good idea.

Best of luck Roman

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RomanSunburn said:
was curious how long everyone has been with their current therapist (or favorite..?) and how long it took them to feel like they could really open up.

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Well, I've seen... 4 therapists in 3 years. Longest was probably about a year in length ... this is not due to my choice, but the fact that I see counsellors at university and the regular school term only being 8 months long.

I started opening up to my first therapist about 3? months into our therapeutic relationship... it was hard work. It still is sometimes to trust new people with parts of ourselves.

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Does anyone ever feel like they're not really sick and they're just wasting everyone's time?

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Me me me! I think that can be pretty normal in some people with lower self-esteem, or those who have been told that they dont have problems when they were younger. Some people in my life have totally gotten sick of me commenting about how I am "wasting their time" by talking about myself.... sad when it goes way beyond therapy and infiltrates many aspects of my life.