[ECHOES]

sunny, waaaay back you mentioned the book "In Session". I bought it soon after and read some and really liked it. But often I read books a bit at a time and not necessarily from front to back, I read what looks interesting at the moment....so recently I read some more.

I've posted about my craving for "mothering" before, particularly when I first came here. The craving is so deep, has been unrelenting and so frustrating, embarassing, shameful, and depressing. It's been a focus among other things in therapy; we've talked and talked about it. We've also talked about child development and anxious attachment as the consequence of early child development issues. So interesting, this analysis.

So I recently read the section of the book "Dreams of the Perfect Mother" and "Mothers Lost and Found." It has been so helpful to me. Why I waited so long to read that is beyond me--I can't imagine how or why I didn't turn to those chapters immediately the first time I opened it! These chapters I read talk about someone just like me, with the same cravings for "mothering". I read about different therapeutic approaches to this not-so-uncommon issue, and Kohut's ideas. One is that the importance of these cravings therapeutically is that it shows the therapist at what point child development needs were not met and so it shows where on the developmental continuum I got 'stuck'. There is no going back, but going forward where "the client and therapist together can complete a growth process that is analagous to the thwarted process of development."

This felt so good to read and it has allowed me to make sense of it, to not feel so ashamed, and to be able to let go of it some. It's been relieving. T and I talked about how it helped me just to read that. She said it's 'amazing' I can take that in and apply it to myself. I couldn't have without the year of therapy prior to my reading these parts of the book.

Thank you, sunny, for suggesting this book in your post. It has opened up therapy for me in new ways; it has changed my life.

That's so funny -- I finally just read this too based on hearing about it at PC some time back. It also gave me a lot to think about, so thanks to the OP for the tip.

[Rapunzel]

It's a great book. I read it too, some time ago, after someone here suggested it (sorry, I can't remember who it was now). But I'd call it a must-read if you aren't sure how therapy is supposed to work, or if your relationships with therapists are what they should be.

[sunrise]

ECHOES, I remember when you said you got the book. I'm so glad you finally read those "mom" parts in it and found companions in how you are feeling. (Like you, I rarely read books from start to finish but skip around and read what I want/need to. )

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
One is that the importance of these cravings therapeutically is that it shows the therapist at what point child development needs were not met and so it shows where on the developmental continuum I got 'stuck'.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">My T and I have visited this idea too, using the concept of the healing circle and 4 different phases of human development. What is cool is how it ties into child development too. We identified the key phase of "stuckness" for me, and also for my H and also for my T! (T and I are the same, lol, although he has moved beyond that.)

That is wonderful the book has been so helpful, ECHOES. When I read it, I was early in my relationship with T, feeling obsessed with him and therapy, thinking about it and him all the time (doing stuff like googling his real estate transactions ). It felt scary to me to feel that way, and I felt there was something highly abnormal about it. So reading In Session was very reassuring to me. I passed through that obsession phase quite a while back, but that book helped me get through it by normalizing it. I'm really happy the book has helped you too.