Your T's Gender

The "women scare me" post reminds me of an article I saw not too long ago about the empty couch syndrome. It talked about the feminization of psychology. How there are more and more female Ts and how a lot of women actually prefer a female T, leaving many male T's couches empty.

My T is male. I wanted to see a male T, not sure why yet. How about you ladies, any preferences? How many of you chose your Ts based on f/m?????

I think this should make an interesting topic.

Hi coconut64, nice to have you here.

I definitely looked for a female T. I called a psychoanalytic institute and asked if they had a female T in my area who is also a candidate at the institute. They only had one and I was so lucky it's such a good fit.

It was quite simple, why I wanted a female T. I wanted a female T to feel close to. I never felt close to my mother and I wanted a female T to kind of fill that role.

I've also had many bad experiences with men and they can be frighteningly intimidating. I have had male T's in the past. One was an REBT therapist and he was good but I didn't care for the REBT; one was great to talk to but not too deep and he disappeared when he was arrested and had his license revoked for having a relationship with his client. As T's they were okay... but they were .. men! lol I know they are professionals but they are still... men! It's definitely a prejudice on my part. I think that men are severely sex-focused and / or behavior-focused and lack emotional awareness and the value of emotional awareness. I know this is my prejudice, but that's the me I have to work with at the moment.

I saw that article, too. It is weird... I'm not sure I believe the 'empty couch' thing. While there surely are a number of people who prefer to see a female therapist, there seem to be a number of people who prefer to see male therapists. Back home male therapists were very much in demand and clinical programs were actively trying to encourage males as they were actively trying to encourage indigenous people.

I personally prefer to see a male therapist. I have a female GP at the moment, and I respect her a lot because I think she is a terrific doctor. I have got on well with female therapists in the past, but male for preference for me.

My therapist actually said yesterday what I'd always thought myself. That he thinks that I would do better with a male therapist than a female one. He's great, and I've really really attached to him. And my experiences with female therapists have been less positive. It's my suspicion that female therapists are more likely to judge me negatively on my appearance, since I'm not terribly attractive and I don't use makeup or anything to try to make that any better. I'm not sure why he thinks I'd do better with a male therapist. He didn't really say.

On the other hand, I've also had negative experiences with male therapists. I think the truth is that very very few therapists of either sex would suit me. Many are way too soft. Many are way too firm. And very very few are just right.

When I saw my first therapist in Fall 2005, it was a woman. I had no choice as the 3 names my EAP gave to me were all women. In a way, I was glad, since my presenting issue was marriage difficulties, a spouse who was cheating, abusive, etc. I had this feeling a male therapist would side with my husband.

She didn't turn out to be terribly helpful due to her therapeutic approach but it wasn't due to her gender. We got along fine, but I moved on to a therapist who had a lot of expertise in my main issues (trauma, marriage/divorce). But he was male! I was a little apprehensive to see him because I worried he would take my husband's side because of their shared gender, but I pushed that thought aside and went anyway. We bonded immediately. My fears were groundless. I realize now that because of my past history with my H, it was so very, very important that I have a warm and caring relationship with a male T. It has been healing in a way that I don't think therapy with a woman could have been. I needed "male" to help heal wounds suffered at the hands of another male. I'm so lucky I went to see him because I had no idea what I needed.

I think it's possible to need different gender therapists at different times in our live for different issues.

I could not see a man. I start to shake when a man stands next to me. To the point my teeth chatter. Might make it hard to talk.

steph

My first T was male. At that time I refused to see a female because I had an underlying hostility toward female authority figures. I've worked through that and now see a great female T.

My counselor is a man, though I didn't specifically seek out a male. I had a history of abuse by a male but didn't realize it was effecting me. I am still physically intimidated by my T at times, but I really trust him, so it is counteracting my fear slowly. I'm glad I chose him.

My first t was a male. When he asked if i had abuse issues i was literally rendered mute for the whole hour. he stared at me, i stared at my shoes. at the end he said "that was a waste of my time and yours".
All my other t's have been female - really just by chance, but i don't think at this time i could work with a male.

100% female

It really depends on preference. I don't think anyone should choose a male therapist just to be politically correct.

It also depends on what your seeing the therapist for.

The downside to this is that if you choose based on gender you may be excluding a therapist that would have been very good for you.

I can speak for the "newcoming" therapists as far as it becoming a female domiated profession. When I was in school for my Master's Degree, the most males we normally had in a class was 3. Sometimes there were no males at all. Actually the only time a large amount of males turned up in a class was for human sexuality, a class in which it is well known that we watch "educational videos," lol... go figure. There were probably guys who didn't even attend the school, hahahaha... Anyway, aside from that observation, I really don't believe in the "empty couch syndrome" for male therapists. Just because more and more women are entering the field does not mean that any less women are requesting male therapists.

I specifially requested a male T. I could never, ever see myself connecting with a female therapist. I could never joke around and be playful with a female T, the way that I am with mine.

I researched local T's for several months before making the actual phone call. My initial decision was that I wanted a male T, would find man easier to talk with, thought it would be good for my son to interact with a positive male. But then part of me knew I tended to avoid close interactions with females and thought heck since I am going to do this lets deal with everything. (What a joke--shows how clueless I really was about myself.)

When when I actually made the call to the practice I had chosen the receptionist asked who I would like to schedule with (there were 3 males and 4 females at the practice). I simply side who ever is most qualified to deal with x, y, z.. --- So in the end I let the receptionist and schedule chose my T. Afterwards, it was very clear to me that there is no such thing as random chance. Some of the T's I see walking around in that office I would NOT have been able to deal with. I think I ended up with T I needed to see. Sometimes I don't like her, but she seems to give me what I needed, when I needed it.

Male --- with a beard.

My T is a male. I did not choose a male specifically but now realize that it is of the utmost importance that I have a male T. I was in therapy once before for 4 years and never came even close to the growth I have experienced in this year and a half with T.

My T is a female. It was totally by chance but I really, really like her so I think it worked out well. I had just called this behavioral health center I found good stuff on the internet about and they set me up with their new T at the practice and it was a perfect match for me.

For me it makes no difference. Ive had good male and female therapists. Ive had bad male and female therapists. Right now i have a female therapist and im very pleased with her so far. I just go with whoever they set me up with.

Mine is female.

Being a young female, as a general rule, men are more intimidating than women...So I picked female. I had the choice though. I could've gone with a male T, and sometimes, I think I would prefer a male...I guess it's just because there's pros and cons to both genders.

I'm female and my therapist is male. I specifically requested male (my only requirement other than T being located in my area!). For some reason, I know I could never work with a female therapist. Actually the thought of trying to share with a female T makes me feel kind of sick, almost like it's gross to me. My theory on this is that my mother was so overbearing that I assume women therapists will be too, and therefore I'd be afraid to express myself or interact fully. And I was never very close to my father (although I love him very much, we never seemed to connect) so maybe I needed to fill that role in my life too. I know my prejudice isn't based on reality -- there are wonderful female Ts out there who would not be overbearing etc. But for me, I can only work with male. And the male T I've found is a perfect fit for me.

Sidony