[MissCharlotte]

I woke up with a realization (or at least a partial one) of why the couples session was so hard yesterday. One of the issues I have with H surrounds phone calls and his availability when he is on the road for work....sounds so familiar to my panic when I can't reach T by phone. What happens is I fall into a place where I feel invisible. But I don't see it coming, it's just like BAM I'm in the hole. Once there I often go right into self destruct mode.

I called T this morning and this afternoon he called back. Whew. I told him about going into self-destruct mode last evening and the connection I made about the phone calls. I know the invisibility is related to how I felt when I wasn't allowed to contact my mother as a young child. She had to go to work, but was forced to lie about how many kids she had, in order to get a job. So, only my 2 oldest sibs "existed." I wasn't allowed to contact her or call her at work no matter what. So I had no one to tell about the abuse that was going on in the house perpetuated by grandmother.

I told T that right now, I am too fragile to share my sessions with my H, that I needed him to recognize me else I become invisible. (Of course H is happy about this..) I know we have some work to do but I need to work through some of these other painful memories and child parts of me first. T said that was fine. He said great if it helps me regulate my affect. Tomorrow we will talk about my going into destructo mode so quickly. I'm beginning to really feel a correlation with my childhood. I always thought it was the adolescent in my but now I am not sure.

We only talked for about 10 minutes but I was able to tell him what I needed. Then I thanked him and told him I needed to connect with him and let him know this before tomorrow's session. He responded very gently and said in the softest voice, "All right. Everything is all right." I feel so safe right now, wrapped in his care.

[Kiya]

good that you were able to tell him that. that also helps break the cycle - the calling, being heard, telling what you know and need.

i didn't know you had abuse by your granmother... i do too.

Wow, Miss C! Good for you for telling T what you need. That is awesome.

[kessa19]

[Mouse_]

Miss C! ....Well done!