Asked T "what am I doing here".

I guess I lost it.. got frustrated.....

I asked T "what the hell am I supposed to be doing here".

He said "talking".

I asked "then tell me what the hell is wrong with me!!!!"

He said "so far, depression and anxiety"

The problem is that I have no patience for therapy... things aren't getting better fast enough and he recommended medications. I won't take medications .... should I just quit?

Well.... meds are the fast route - but really only a temp fix or bandaid that might help you get to the route problem... but both roads still lead to therapy (IMO).

Soooooooooo choice is yours, but I wouls say stay with it and try to hang the judgement on it for a while.... it does take time. =(

Learning patience for therapy will be part of your therapy and will help you in all areas of your life.

Hang in there

OMG-You sound like me!!! I have been refusing the meds also. Both my T and MD are pushing for it. But the side effects scare me.
As far as therapy, I'd hang in there. I get very frustrated in therapy also. I want to be healed quickly, but T says it took time for me to get where I am today so it will take time to heal. She also says "I'm fighting the process" and slowing myself down. I just can't help it.
Just hang in there and vent on PC!

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Ltr2Hermione said:
The problem is that I have no patience for therapy... things aren't getting better fast enough and he recommended medications. I won't take medications .... should I just quit?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Ltr2Hermione, why do you have no patience for therapy? Is it because it is moving slowly? Is it because you don't believe in its usefulness? Is it because you want to avoid discovering why you are depressed and anxious because it might be painful or distressing?

I think this topic is worth discussing with your T. It will be hard to make progress in therapy unless you want to be there and believe, at least somewhat, in the process.

I support you in your decision to not take meds, or at least try that approach initially. Drugs aren't the answer for everyone. There is more than one path to try in dealing with issues like depression.

It could also be that the theoretical approach your T uses isn't meshing well with what you want. Because of your impatience with therapy, I'm thinking perhaps you are very goal oriented? Some therapies are more goal-oriented, some more exploratory, at least at first. CBT might be a good approach to look into, as it seems to always keep those goals in the foreground.

Good luck.

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Angel_of_the_Past said:
I have been refusing the meds also. Both my T and MD are pushing for it.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Angel, those word choices sounds like you are locked in a battle with your T/MD over meds. If they don't have faith that you can conquer your situation without meds, then it would be hard for them to engage in successful therapy, I would think. Those professionals need to be empowering and help the client with all the skills and heart they can, whether the client chooses meds or not. I would worry if my T was stuck on the idea of meds, he would not be really attending to my needs, but would be sitting there while I was talking, having negative thoughts, like "this client won't take meds, so this is pointless." See what I mean? Your T needs to have a positive outlook for you so you can make progress.

I hope you can discuss this with him. I think it's really important. At the very least, you could get reassurance that your T is respectful of your no-meds choice and willing to try hard with you to get better.

I'm definitely in a locked mode with the MD over meds; but then that's their focus. As far my T, she really thinks I would feel better and make faster progress if I tried them. The so called "quality of life" focus. She is respectful and supportive of my decision but wants to make sure I know things could be easier.

I have so much going on that I don't want to be looking through "rose colored glasses"; I want to deal with and work on things with a clear head.

My depression is listed as severe and my anxiety is not far behind. Maybe I'm just being stubborn or maybe I'm not thinking clearly, I don't know. Time will tell.

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Angel_of_the_Past said:
As far my T, she really thinks I would feel better and make faster progress if I tried them. The so called "quality of life" focus. She is respectful and supportive of my decision but wants to make sure I know things could be easier.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I'm glad your T is supportive, Angel. It seems like she's suggested the meds, now she can back off and not mention it anymore and focus on your therapy and helping you get better. If she keeps nagging you about it, could you ask her to not do that?

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I'm definitely in a locked mode with the MD over meds; but then that's their focus

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I'm curious about why you are even seeing MD over this problem? Yes, if you were taking psychoactive meds, you would be seeing a pdoc about this, but you're not. So I'm guessing you are talking about your family doctor when you say "MD". If it is your family doctor, can you just not visit her for this problem.? Go for infections and broken bones and such, but leave the psychoactive meds discussions out of her office. If she nags again, just say something like, "thank you for your input. I am considering the best course of action for myself. Now, let's get back to my sore throat..." If she keeps pushing and repeating the same thing over and over, tell her something like, "you've made your opinion on this known and I understand your view. Thank you. You don't need to tell me again."

I'm not trying to make it sound easy, but if you don't want meds right now, do what you can to get these people off of your back. You can always change your mind in the future if the no-meds route is not successful.

Good luck!!

The MD I was talking about was my Internal Med doc. She has "put me back together" so many times that it is hard on her. The last time, I was so black and blue she broke down and cried right there in the exam room. I know she means well and is pushing me in the direction she feels is best, it's just hard. What can I say???

Angel,

I understand your fears about meds, and yes definitely no one has a right to push them on you. I was reluctant for a long time as well.
For what it's worth, they have helped me a great deal and I have seen them do similar things for other people.

It does sound to me that the folks around you care a great deal about you and want what is best for you. I guess I think you can't blame them for encouraging you to pursue the most effective treatment regime. (There is alot of strong evidence suggesting that medicine and therapy together are MUCH more effective than either one by itself.) I'm guess that they are empathetic people who really feel your hurt with you when they see you in so much distress.

I also wonder if you have a misunderstanding of how psychiatric meds work. In my experience, medicine has a clarifying affect. The depression and anxiety distort reality. Taking meds helps clear up the distortions. While some anxiety meds can be abused (and a good doctor will help you stay far away from them if you have a propensity toward addictive behavior), properly taken no psychiatric med should make you feel 'high' or give you "rose colored glasses."

No pressure here at all. You will make the best decision for you and that might mean "toughing it out" without meds, but I wanted to share with you what a difference it has made in my life taking the meds I needed for my mental health. One way that it was described to me is that if I had heart disease or diabetis, I would take the meds, so why not for a condition involving the mind/brain?

Hope this is helpful! Hang in there, therapy does take time, but it's worth it.

- FT

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Ltr2Hermione said:
I guess I lost it.. got frustrated.....

I asked T "what the hell am I supposed to be doing here".

He said "talking".

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

This does sound like the response of a nondirective therapist (somebody that just listens and doesn't give much guidance or direction). You may want to discuss with your T if this style is working for you and if not maybe he could refer you to someone with a different approach.

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fellowtraveler said:
In my experience, medicine has a clarifying affect. The depression and anxiety distort reality. Taking meds helps clear up the distortions.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Just my two cents and definately don't want to add to any pressure you may be feeling.....I agree with what fellowtravel said above. I too was very reluctant to take meds for depression and anxiety. I put it off for a long time. In fact, I had the prescription for 6 months before I filled it. I worried that it would make my thinking unclear and take away my ability to make my own decisions. In my experience, this is the opposite of what happened. The meds gav eme enough relief so that I could think clearly. I was able to get more out of T and get myself to the gym. (excersize is key to my personal recovery from depression).

Once again no pressure and everyone is different, but i have found meds useful.

I love your T's response "talking".

My reluctance has to do with my weight. I've worked like a dog to take off the last 120 lbs. I had no surgical intervention, so there is no safety net.. and I put on water weight so fast and furious that I'm afraid of meds that have weight gain as a side effect. Much of my depression comes from my weight.... it'll just make it worse.

For example. My hip gave out on me again, but I continue to work out everyday. I take hydrocodone to get me through the workouts. Well.. without changing my diet or exercise habits, I put on 17 lbs in less than 2 weeks. I can't even IMAGINE what would happen with a drug which CLAIMS weight gain as a side effect.

I read that >1% of people who take hydrocodone experience a fluid retetion side effect... HELLO... I'm in that >1%. Can we say "FEAR"?

I understand your concern. 120lbs.... Wow, I'm sure that did take alot of work!

Have you been exercising regularly to achieve your weight loss? Regular exercise sometimes helps with depression and anxiety.

My other thought is that you could talk with your doctor about your concerns. There may be medications that would help you that don't carry a risk of weight gain. The reason I keep bringing it up is that severe anxiety and depression are absolutely no fun and can be really debilitating affecting your ability to function as well as your quality of life.

Check out this article: http://www.ccjm.org/pdffiles/Deshmuhk703.pdf On the second page (page 616) there is a chart that shows at least two kinds of antidepressants that don't pose a risk of weight gain. I, of course, don't know if they would be appropriate for you specifically, but it might be worth having a conversation about it with your MD.

Take good care,
FT

Thank you..

First... yes... I exercise everyday. 7 days a week I do at least an hour of cardio and 3 days a week I do weights with a trainer as well as my cardio. Sometimes I hit the gym twice a day (can we say "desperate"). I was hoping it would help with the anxiety as well.

I take xanax.. but I take too much, then I run out.. then I'm crazy for 2 weeks until I get it refilled. Right now I have them so I can concentrate. Without the help of the xanax, I have the attention span of a carrot... and I hate that too! I've been on them for years and at one time the .5mg 3 x a day was ok.... now.. no... .5 does nothing - I've developed a tolerance.

Thank you for the article. I'll read it and bring it up with T. He REALLY wanted me to take the Effexor - but the one time I took it.. just once... I was on my BUTT! Thank goodness my x husband was with me because I actually fell asleep in the car on the way home from the Walmart - a total of 8 miles! HAHaha... I'm a chronic insomniac..... and this stuff knocked me on my butt in the middle of the day!

I'll muddle through all this stuff somehow... I just want to feel better.. that's all. I just want to wake up one morning and say "THIS IS GOING TO BE A GREAT DAY".. and actually have a great day.