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Jul 29, 2008 at 11:54 AM
#1
I think I'm quitting therapy. I called T and canceled Friday's appointment and I mailed him a check today for my appointment yesterday. I usually see him twice a week and pay on Friday. Everything in me is screaming RUN. So I'm running. |
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Jul 29, 2008 at 12:03 PM
#2
I'm worried about you... check your PM.
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Legendary
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Jul 29, 2008 at 01:08 PM
#3
I just read about your great appt. and now you want to run. Hmmm, interesting....
__________________ Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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Member
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Jul 29, 2008 at 02:06 PM
#4
the "everything" that is screaming run... is it the same everything linked to the things in life that do not work for you anymore? i mean... maybe this voice of "run" is from a coping style you dont need anymore... maybe this is a time to tell everything that now isn't the time to run. Running isn't always safer, but it's almost always familiar to us.... and familiar won't give us the change we seek.
many blessings em 
__________________    “This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.” -His Holiness, the Dalai Lama I will not kneel, not for anyone. I am courageous, strong and full of light. Find someone else to judge, your best won't work here. |
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Jul 29, 2008 at 03:56 PM
#5
It's too late. I left a message canceling my next appointment, and didn't ask him to call back. So he won't call back, and he'll let me go.
He's probably relieved to be rid of me. This is more familiar. All of that caring and understanding - it was too much, I don't know how to handle it. Now I'll just be on my own, like I'm used to. The edge feels oh so close. |
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jul 2008
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Jul 29, 2008 at 05:01 PM
#6
I was going to say a lot more, but I guess what I really want to say is that I understand how you feel. I'm sorry you are having such a rough time at this point. I hope you can take a deep breath and take a step back from the edge. I'll be thinking of you.
__________________ "What is Real? asked the Velveteen Rabbit one day. "Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real." "Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit. "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt." -The Velveteen Rabbit by Marjorie Williams |
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Legendary
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Jul 29, 2008 at 05:09 PM
#7
Earthmama.... can you sit with this a bit? You can always change your mind. Like they've said in here - run used to be the safe thing - but now it may be time to hang up the shoes. T might call you back (i hope). ANd even if he doesn't, you can always call him back and change your mind. I hope you'll give it some thought. We can't change without going through the painful scary stuff. letting someone care sometimes falls into those categories.
(((((((((((em))))))))))) thinking about you!!! __________________ Credits: ChildlikeEmpress and Pseudonym for this lovely image.   alt="Universal Life Church | ULC" border="0">
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Legendary
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Jul 29, 2008 at 05:40 PM
#8
(((( earthmama )))))
I know that feeling so well. I have run so many times. This time I have vowed to not run from therapy. She asked me to trust the process so I am. But it doesn't stop the wanting to run. Right now I want to run, but from everything except T for a change. Can you say what it is that's making you want to run?
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Wisest Elder Ever
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Jul 29, 2008 at 06:50 PM
#9
__________________ 
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Jul 29, 2008 at 06:55 PM
#10
(((((((((((((((((((((( everyone )))))))))))))))))))))))
T e-mailed and called. We talked. It helped, I think. Helped me get out of the dark, panicky place for now, anyhow. He said he still had my Friday time available. I told him that I was stuck - that I still wanted to run. He said "I would like to ask you to try something different, and not run this time, and come on Friday". I don't know if I'll go, but I think I will. I feel kind of dissociated, but wanted to update and say thanks. |
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Legendary
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Jul 29, 2008 at 07:02 PM
#11
What a great T to email, call, and keep your appointment time open.I hope you'll go, and see what it's like to go when you really want to run. |
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Grand Magnate
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Jul 29, 2008 at 07:37 PM
#12
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
T e-mailed and called. We talked. It helped, I think. Helped me get out of the dark, panicky place for now, anyhow. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> ((((earthmama)))) This sounds so much like last winter when I canceled my appointments on a number of occasions. T never really let them go! I am glad your T didn't either. Go to your appointment, take your time, breathe deeply and all will be okay. I think your T is awesome and I think you two have a solid working relationship, so see if you can conjure up the safety you felt last week and bring a little bit with you. Be well and take gentle care. ((earthmama))
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Grand Magnate
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Jul 29, 2008 at 11:12 PM
#13
(((EM))) Sorry to hear that you are struggling so much this week. I decided on Monday to quit therapy at least for a while. I just can't handle returning at the moment.
I'm glad your T responded and is keeping your Friday slot available if you change your mind. __________________ "Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach) |
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Magnate
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Jul 30, 2008 at 05:43 AM
#14
Earthmama,
I love your T and I don't even know him. I'm so relieved he called and emailed you. Please go to your appt.....please let him try to help you. You are worth it. ktgirl |
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Legendary
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Jul 30, 2008 at 09:30 AM
#15
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
earthmama said: T e-mailed and called. We talked. It helped, I think. Helped me get out of the dark, panicky place for now, anyhow. He said he still had my Friday time available. I told him that I was stuck - that I still wanted to run. He said "I would like to ask you to try something different, and not run this time, and come on Friday". I don't know if I'll go, but I think I will. I feel kind of dissociated, but wanted to update and say thanks. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Yyyyyyyyyeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!! I was so happy to read this! You do have an awesome T! __________________ Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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Member
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Jul 30, 2008 at 09:48 AM
#16
i am so glad your T knows the place you are at and is able to work with you in that. i am also glad to hear you trusting a little more. Hope your day goes well
__________________ “This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.” -His Holiness, the Dalai Lama I will not kneel, not for anyone. I am courageous, strong and full of light. Find someone else to judge, your best won't work here. |
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Poohbah
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Jul 30, 2008 at 10:52 AM
#17
If I canceled mine today, my T wouldn't call and try and convince me to come in...so I say go on Friday.
He's reaching out to help you. You can do this! __________________ My new blog http://www.thetherapybuzz.com "I am not obsessing, I am growing and healing can't you tell?" |
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Aug 01, 2008 at 07:06 PM
#18
Just a quick update -
I DID go to my appointment today. It started out as a really hard session. I did NOT want to let him in, and I think I sat and glared at him more than anything. BUT - some little part of me knew that that was where I needed to be, and that he IS the person who can help me - so after a while, I tried to let him in a little. And before I knew it - maybe halfway through the session, I was able to lay down on his couch and relax (which I only do when I'm feeling young and safe) and just BE there and share and let him take care of me. I never thought I would get to that point today - but I did. At the end, I started feeling the "run!" urge come back a little and I told him I didn't want that over the weekend - I wanted to take the safe, cared for feeling with me. So he said, "what can we do?" and I said "Maybe you could tell me a story" - sort of half joking - but he replied "okay, what kind of story would you like?"  I finally asked him to tell me the story of a piece of art on his wall - and he did, and it was actually a really good, really interesting story.I still feel a little....tenuous? But I am trying to hold on to the safe feeling over the weekend. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
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Aug 01, 2008 at 07:22 PM
#19
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Grand Magnate
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Aug 01, 2008 at 08:43 PM
#20
((earthmama))
You are extremely brave!!!! Kudos to you and your inner child! 
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