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Member
Member Since Jun 2008
Location: Minnesota ,twin cities
Posts: 119
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Aug 15, 2008 at 03:50 PM
#1
My therapist says she can feel tension between us! She says I want to tell her something but I am scared. I am now concerned with this. Have any of you been told by T that there is tension? I am scared at times to be totaly open but how can she feel my tension?
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2007
Posts: 3,747
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Aug 15, 2008 at 04:58 PM
#2
Maybe your T's use of the word tension is not meant to be a negative thing. She might have merely been trying to tell you that she was sensing for fear. Maybe by acknowledging it she was trying help you realize that she is safe to talk to.
Recently my T and I had a good exchange about silence. We had very different interpretations of it. When I would encounter silence during the session I would automatically interpret it as ... I was getting the silent treatment from my T because I had disappointed her or said something not acceptable. My T explained that she was being silent because she felt like she was interrupting me all the time. She said from her perspective I had a lot of difficulty gathering my thoughts and attempting to express them. She thought I needed her silence to allow me a chance to express myself without her interrupting. The point here is my T was trying to acknowledge that I was struggling and give me the support and space I need. At the same time, I interpreted this as getting the silent treatment. __________________ "Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach) |
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Member
Member Since Jun 2008
Location: Minnesota ,twin cities
Posts: 119
16 |
Aug 15, 2008 at 06:45 PM
#3
Thank you Chaotic why is Therapy so hard to read? It is like a puzzle and not straight forward. I know many people struggle with this. Like just spell it out for me because I can't seem to figure it out. I guess I'd suck at being a detective! LOL
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2007
Posts: 3,747
17
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Aug 15, 2008 at 10:44 PM
#4
In my case it is likely hard because I make it hard. Often for me a lot of questions surface but I don't ask for clarification. This leaves me with a lot of false assumption. Also I think when I let fear take hold, it interferes other brain functions making me just plain stupid and not able to work though the puzzle.
__________________ "Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach) |
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Legendary
Member Since Jan 2007
Location: U.S.
Posts: 10,383
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Aug 15, 2008 at 11:51 PM
#5
It's helpful when we can learn to ask for clarification from the T. Why did you say that? What did you mean last session when you said that? etc. That is so hard. This happens with me and sometimes I just don't ask. I don't know why. Maybe it doesn't seem puzzling at the time and then the moment is past. Or maybe I think if I ask him, he will be annoyed or think I'm dumb for not understanding or reject me. Or whatever. Who knows the crazy reasons we are scared to ask for clarification. But I find that the longer you know your therapist, and more you trust him/her, the easier it gets. When I have asked for clarification, I have always gotten very straightforward and reasonable answers. This gives me the confidence not to doubt in the future and to freely ask for clarification. This is a skill that can lead to better relationships elsewhere too.
missboots, I hope at next session you can ask what your T meant by tension. It is OK to just ask her to spell it out. __________________ "Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships." |
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