Shouldn't one of the therapists have said something?

Excellent attitude! Who knows fate might have put you in this situation because you are just the right person to help this group become stronger and safer for everyone.

If you hate the thought of losing your T over this issue, then keep communicating with your T and see if you both can work though this issue. I think learning how to repair ruptures and not run from them has been one of the best lessons I've learned so far in therapy.

(((internettie))) good luck tomorrow. I hope your therapy appointment goes well tomorrow.

Internettie, maybe this T is a fine individual therapist. Even if you quit the group, you could still keep going to see her individually.

Ouch.... again I think that this is a good opportunity to heal this wound so that you are not vulnerable to it in the future.

I always thought that one of the group's purposes was to get these types of things out in the open (replaying our family dysfunctions) so that they can be dealt with for everyone's benefit. This was the problem I guess. It wasn't dealt with immediately and out in the open. If it would have been dealt with immediately everyone could have learned from it.

Sorry that you had to suffer all week about this Internettie. You did do good work, however, in sending out that email (recognizing your needs and speaking out about them!), and by reaching out for support here.

When I got home from work this morning I had an email from my therapist. She said that they (she and the other therapist) would help me get through this and that it was not my fault at all. She said that it was an inappropriate hurtful comment.

I get to go talk to my therapist in just 2 hours. I'm so anxious. I want to get this out of the way. I did feel better today though. Work helped distract me and I played some classical music while I sat at work to soothe me. It helped. I'm wondering what direction this will take today. I keep wondering if they'll have the person who made the comment there today so we can talk about this. I'm not sure I'd be too keen on that. I really think this needs to be discussed in group. I'll let you know how it goes.

((((chaotic13))))
((((sunrise))))
((((Sannah))))

((internettie)) I just wanted to wish you well today. I hope you are able to work through this in a way that makes you feel supported and allows you to return to group therapy and feel safe. If that is what you want to do.

I had my appointment with my therapist today. I almost missed my appointment! I took a nap and didn't get up when the alarm went off. Thankfully I woke up just in time.

The first thing my therapist did was to apologize for what happened last week. The first thing I did was to tell her that I wanted an apology from J. Then we talked about how I felt and what I was thinking. I told her that the comment that was made last week was very hurtful and it embarrassed me. I said that because of what happened, group was no longer a safe place for me. I also let her know that this comment wasn't the only thing this person has done that has sent up red flags for me. I felt like my therapist was hearing what I was saying. She said that other people in the group also complained about this person and that at least one person came to her after the last group because they were worried about me because of the comment.

The person who made the comment wanted my phone number. My therapist did NOT give her the number for confidentiality reasons AND because she didn't think she could trust her not to make other comments that would hurt me. This person gave her number to my therapist and asked for me to call her. My therapist said that would not be a good idea, again, because she didn't trust her to not be rude to me.

I really felt that my therapist was sincere and cares about me. I did talk about the issue of the comment not being addressed when it occurred. My therapist said that she was shocked that the comment was made and was afraid if she addressed it right then that the person would make other rude comments and she didn't want it to get worse.

My therapist was going to speak to me right after group, but I got out of there so fast she didn't have a chance to talk to me. She and the other therapist spent about an hour talking about what happened and then they were going to email me. I had already sent her my original email stating that I was going to drop out of group.

My therapist shared, many times, that she and the other therapist discussed the fact that the person who made the comment was not ready to be in a group. With 15 minutes left in my session she went to the other therapist and then came back to tell me that the decision had been made that the person would NOT continue in group therapy for at lease 6 months (or longer depending on how she behaved). I was glad to hear that. My therapist asked if I wanted to speak to the person directly to get an apology and I said that I did. So we are scheduling a meeting for us to get together outside of group (which was my choice). We'll also discuss the incident with the members of the group also (hopefully this Thursday).

So I will be able to tell this person that she hurt me and get an apology. I'll be able to continue in group because she won't be there anymore. I'll keep seeing my therapist for individual therapy also. And, I'll be on my guard for anything like this happening again. I did ask if it was okay for me to say something directly in group if anyone else makes hurtful comments to me or anyone else and my therapist said it would be appropriate to do that. She understood why I didn't say anything last week (the shock and family history).

We actually had some time to discuss other things and that was a good way to end the session.

I did go over my 'script' I wrote out and have been practicing, with my therapist, and she thought I was on the right track.

Sorry this has been so long , but this really is an important issue for me. I appreciate all the encouragement and suggestions.

Sounds like you did a good job of expressing yourself in this meeting. I'm glad you were able to work things out and not let this one person disrupt you individual therapy or your ability to feel safe and comfortable in the group. Its also nice to know that another member of the group was concerned about you and spoke up about how you were treated. Hopefully the rest of the group can become more cohesive now that the trouble maker is gone.

I'm glad you had a positive session today.

Good job internettie! ancing-Chilli: I'm glad it worked out for you!

Thanks, chaotic. I felt like I was able to say everything that I needed to say with my therapist. It was important for me to keep my self respect and I feel like I did. It was nice to know that someone else was concerned about me and that I wasn't the only one with issues with this person. My hope is that Thursday will be the beginning of a great chapter in our group. It was a positive session and I'm so glad it's worked out the way it did. Group will be interesting on Thursday. Right now I'm scheduled to get together with this person and our therapists on Thursday at 6pm, just before group (she will NOT be attending the group, for sure).

Thanks LAS!

Wow, Internettie, what a great outcome! The therapist was concerned about this the whole time and she was working to help you immediately. I think that you are going to learn so much through this!

((((((((((((((((((internettie))))))))))))))))

Wow, I am so proud of how you handled yourself in therapy. What great, GREAT practice in communicating about your feelings and your needs. I hope group goes really well on Thursday.

Internettie, that is a great outcome. You did so well expressing yourself to your therapist. I'm really glad the therapists have reassessed this person's readiness for group therapy and are taking action by having her leave the group since she is not ready. Maybe this incident will also be a wake-up call to the offender and really bring home to her that she has A LOT of work to do in therapy.

I am so happy for you.

((((Sannah))))
((((earthmama))))
((((sunrise))))

Today was my last day at my part time job. Because I dealt with this situation with the person in group, I was able to focus on my last day of work and actually enjoy myself. Nothing went as planned at work (does if ever on a last day? lol) but because I didn't have that situation hanging over me, I was able to concentrate on the people around me (co-workers, patients, etc.) instead of the problems. I'm very relieved to be done with work so that now I can focus on therapy and group for a while.

I'm actually looking forward to group on Thursday! Thanks for letting me vent and do my practice here on the forum. It was very helpful.

Now that I'm a woman of leisure, I think I'll go take a nap. lol

Isn't it great when you can problem solve an issue and then be relieved of the burden!

It is nice to be able to resolve an issue. That's new territory for me. Scary, but nice.

According to my manual for my DBT group "Clients may not form private relationships outside of skills training sessions." I'm new at the group (6 weeks) but found it so helpful even though I'm an outsider in that I'm dxed as bipolar & everyone else is borderline, but I fit right in, unfortunately, with the extreme emotions. It seems to be helpful so I'm hopeful that with medication I will get some stability.--Suzy

Thanks for posting that Suzy. I knew I saw it somewhere that relationships outside the group were frowned upon. I did not ask my therapist specifically about this but I will ask her when I can. If nothing else, I can get her views on it. I'm new at my group also (I think this will be my 6th week too) and I've found it very helpful already. We have a mix of diagnoses in our group too but it doesn't seem to be an issue. We all benefit from the skills we are learning. I hope too that you will make strides in gaining stability with group and medication (that's how I'm doing it).

I think I may need to "shut up" now.

Did I say something wrong? :Oops: