[chaotic13]

As some of you know, I'm not too keen on the concept having an inner child; but I may have had another glimpse of this... ego state. And it freaked me out a bit.

I had an odd experience this weekend and I was wondering if others have had any similar experiences. Could it be an inner child sighting and what do I do with it?

One problem I continue to have with therapy is an inabilty to get my thoughts organized enough to say what is on my mind. It is like I have different radio frequencies blaring in my head at once and the radio is set on seek mode. I only get bits and pieces of what is playing before the channel changes. When I described this to my T once she said that when thoughts get bottled up they continue bouncing around creating static until they are released. She mentioned that once you are able to dump them (get them out), your mind will eventually but them to bed and move on.

Well this weekend while doing my morning walk, I tapped into one of those frequencies and stayed for a while. It was like a mental ... audio recording playing over and over again. The stuff that was playing really alarmed to me. I wrote some of it down afterward, but I can't write it here. I was really triggered by it and ended up thinking about it all yesterday--guess I am still thinking about it today.

The thing is... what I heard (or the thoughts replaying over and over again) sounded like a child's version of self talk. As an adult, tend to use a lot of self talk to get myself through stressful situations. But this particular loop was more like that of a child and the things being said were very alarming. Now, I have no memories of an actual situation where I was saying these types of things to myself so I don't know if this is related to an actual event or if it is just some mental distortion. This made me think... could this be and inner child encounter? Was there an actual time when I was in a real situation and telling myself these things? Or is this just mental noise that should be ignored and disgarded?

My question is... has anyone else encountered something like this? What did you do with it? Since I was triggered by it, should I avoid tuning in to these frequencies in my head?

[meeka]

Originally Posted by chaotic13

As some of you know, I'm not too keen on the concept having an inner child; but I may have had another glimpse of this... ego state. And it freaked me out a bit.

I had an odd experience this weekend and I was wondering if others have had any similar experiences. Could it be an inner child sighting and what do I do with it?

One problem I continue to have with therapy is an inabilty to get my thoughts organized enough to say what is on my mind. It is like I have different radio frequencies blaring in my head at once and the radio is set on seek mode. I only get bits and pieces of what is playing before the channel changes. When I described this to my T once she said that when thoughts get bottled up they continue bouncing around creating static until they are released. She mentioned that once you are able to dump them (get them out), your mind will eventually but them to bed and move on.

Well this weekend while doing my morning walk, I tapped into one of those frequencies and stayed for a while. It was like a mental ... audio recording playing over and over again. The stuff that was playing really alarmed to me. I wrote some of it down afterward, but I can't write it here. I was really triggered by it and ended up thinking about it all yesterday--guess I am still thinking about it today.

The thing is... what I heard (or the thoughts replaying over and over again) sounded like a child's version of self talk. As an adult, tend to use a lot of self talk to get myself through stressful situations. But this particular loop was more like that of a child and the things being said were very alarming. Now, I have no memories of an actual situation where I was saying these types of things to myself so I don't know if this is related to an actual event or if it is just some mental distortion. This made me think... could this be and inner child encounter? Was there an actual time when I was in a real situation and telling myself these things? Or is this just mental noise that should be ignored and disgarded?

My question is... has anyone else encountered something like this? What did you do with it? Since I was triggered by it, should I avoid tuning in to these frequencies in my head?

I think u should pay attention.... these voices may be real or perceived, It may be difficult to say, may be u might eventually get more clues if u stayed with it.... But the voices may be a link with your conversation with your therapist, something that points to where a certain attitude started in your lifetime...
Often when I encounter an intense discomforting feeling like an intense jealousy, I can figure out that it is a fear of abandonment from a father figure, n that i would like to be looked after, which is not really a need in the adult state, but the mind has frozen in its infantile state for that particular feeling. so when the feeling is exposed, it feels childish and regressed, but thats how it is, we have to deal with it now with an adult perspective...... I hope my explanation had some connection with what you felt?

[MissCharlotte]

As some of you know, I'm not too keen on the concept having an inner child;

Yes Chaotic, I remember this.

And it freaked me out a bit.

Yes again. When I first became aware of my inner child I completely panicked, as if I had been abducted by aliens.

what do I do with it?

I remember asking T, how do I get rid of it? But the answer here is to love her, cherish her and invite her into your life.

It is like I have different radio frequencies blaring in my head at once and the radio is set on seek mode

I LOVE this description and may have to borrow it.

Was there an actual time when I was in a real situation and telling myself these things? Or is this just mental noise that should be ignored and disgarded?

Yep, once again, I have considered and tried ignoring and disregarding, but now that I know "she" is there, it doesn't work as well anymore. I really do believe that the inner child, once accepted and loved, will being to integrate into our being. I'm working on this right now in therapy.

I have also struggled with the concept of whether the thoughts are representational of actual past events that are unremembered. I have come to the conclusion that is not necessarily so. I think that intrusive thoughts can be indicative of many past experiences. So, it's not as if the thoughts themselves are untrue, but the fact that they intrude can represent times of great stress as a child. Remember, children are unprepared to cope with circumstances that threaten to overwhelm.

((Chaotic))

You are okay now and that is the important thing. Stay in the here and now, and let your inner child be with you.

[sunrise]

chaotic, I don't know if you'll ever know for sure if this is an "inner child sighting", but why don't you just try to "go with it"? Offer her your hand, tell her you'll listen, and give her comfort. She's a part of you. If nothing else, this has been an interesting experience and you will probably learn something about yourself. And that's good!

It is like I have different radio frequencies blaring in my head

Have you seen the movie, "Frequency"? Your comment reminded me of that.

is this just mental noise that should be ignored and disgarded?
My question is... has anyone else encountered something like this? What did you do with it?

The closest I have had to this experience is when I shared about 3 days of consciousness with one of my ego states, an adult male. I could hear/know all his thoughts and we talked. I learned a lot. It sounds outlandish, but my T reassured me that ego states are perfectly normal. However, after a while, I couldn't take it anymore (too crowded in my head!) and sent him away. (Maybe this would be the equivalent of your trying to turn off the radio play in your head.) I have always felt bad about that. That was months ago. Just the last few days, he reappeared with another ego state. They were together (he had his arm around her), and he told me, "you think you know everything that is going on, but you don't." Well, okie dokie then. I try to take it with humor. He's part of me.

Since I was triggered by it, should I avoid tuning in to these frequencies in my head?

What do you mean when you say you were triggered? That you dissociated? That it made you uncomfortable? That it made you anxious? Angry? Being triggered isn't necessarily a bad thing or something to be avoided, depending on what your response is. If you dissociate badly, then yes, you probably want to avoid that trigger until you can work it out in therapy. But avoiding certain things because they make us uncomfortable isn't necessarily a good thing. I think it's called avoidant behavior. Only you know the magnitude of your response to this. Listen closely to that and I think you'll know if this is something you need to avoid right now or not. Take care.

[Mouse_]

Originally Posted by chaotic13

As some of you know, I'm not too keen on the concept having an inner child; but I may have had another glimpse of this... ego state. And it freaked me out a bit.

I had an odd experience this weekend and I was wondering if others have had any similar experiences. Could it be an inner child sighting and what do I do with it?

One problem I continue to have with therapy is an inabilty to get my thoughts organized enough to say what is on my mind. It is like I have different radio frequencies blaring in my head at once and the radio is set on seek mode. I only get bits and pieces of what is playing before the channel changes. When I described this to my T once she said that when thoughts get bottled up they continue bouncing around creating static until they are released. She mentioned that once you are able to dump them (get them out), your mind will eventually but them to bed and move on.

Well this weekend while doing my morning walk, I tapped into one of those frequencies and stayed for a while. It was like a mental ... audio recording playing over and over again. The stuff that was playing really alarmed to me. I wrote some of it down afterward, but I can't write it here. I was really triggered by it and ended up thinking about it all yesterday--guess I am still thinking about it today.

The thing is... what I heard (or the thoughts replaying over and over again) sounded like a child's version of self talk. As an adult, tend to use a lot of self talk to get myself through stressful situations. But this particula

r loop was more like that of a child and the things being said were very alarming. Now, I have no memories of an actual situation where I was saying these types of things to myself so I don't know if this is related to an actual event or if it is just some mental distortion. This made me think... could this be and inner child encounter? Was there an actual time when I was in a real situation and telling myself these things? Or is this just mental noise that should be ignored and disgarded?

My question is... has anyone else encountered something like this? What did you do with it? Since I was triggered by it, should I avoid tuning in to these frequencies in my head?

When I first begun therapy, I had this child inner talk quite a bit...but with time the inner talk is becoming more clearer and having a more adult note to it...an inner child is just another way of describing emtions that have never been resolved and they go around and around until we make sense of them in our adult world...its a good sign that you are now trusting youself enought to be able to tap into these old unresolved thoughts adn feelings...

[chaotic13]

Originally Posted by sunrise

why don't you just try to "go with it"?

I think this might have been what I was trying to do only I have a little bit of trouble being empathic towards this part of myself. Although I think I have made some progress in that I didn't just immediately move the channel forward.

I think for me...I guess I am just a little freaked by what was "playing" and it rattled me a bit. And of course once I realized what was playing, I then wanted to know WHY? and if this was related to a specific event or just some distorted mental BS.

See it was... self talk... only childish. Self talk is something I do really well as an adult to calm myself and maintain external control in stressful situations (like recently in the middle of my MT class). However, as an adult the type of self talk heard or tapped into would not be something helpful. I've recorded what the thoughts were and have tried my best to avoid editing them. Unfortunately when start to write stuff down... I can't help doing some editing. I KNOW what you all are going to suggest I do. But as of right now I'm not comfortable sharing what I wrote with my T. I have 2 weeks to decided what to do with this, if anything.

What do you mean when you say you were triggered? That you dissociated? That it made you uncomfortable? That it made you anxious? Angry?

I felt very anxious and uncomfortable. And this feeling has stayed with me. I can still function, it made me want to be by myself over the weekend and limit my interaction with others, but I'm OK. I think I do a lot of things that would be classified as avoidant behavior-- hence probably why I have a bunch of unresolved stuff floating around in my head.

I can push it aside to work and do other things, but when I have down time it creeps back. I think mainly now the feeling is sticking around because I'm trying to understand what it means. 1) Was there an actual situation(s) as a child/preteen/teen where this type of self talk was necessary (i.e. some buried archive of childhood self talk) or 2) is this related to something going on now subconsciously. I don't know the proper psycho babble for how things transition from unconscious to conscious or just my ego creating craziness... LOL

Since I am a good avoider --dismisser and these things don't seem to match well with talk therapy I have trouble figuring out what mental thoughts, feelings, etc to actually listen to and share, which ones to simply say NO to and move on. It seems like CBT is all about hearing the mental loop and then when it is something that is not helpful or healthy you change it to something else. I'm not sure it I am supposed to be focusing on listening or changing.

Sorry if this post doesn't make sense. It is probably just another case of me wanting to do therapy ... without doing therapy... Then again I have a couple of weeks to kill... and feel like I should do something.

[chaotic13]

Originally Posted by Mouse_

..its a good sign that you are now trusting youself enought to be able to tap into these old unresolved thoughts adn feelings...

I'm glad to know that is may be sign of progress. I tend to assume otherwise...and get fearful... Like I am meddling in things that are best left unknown.

[chaotic13]

Miss C said:
I have also struggled with the concept of whether the thoughts are representational of actual past events that are unremembered.

Exactly... I know I often morph things and I want to know for sure if there is a past experience that matches up with this self-talk. See... I have a lot of memory gaps that really bug me. When I tapped into this particular thought loop, I immediately had the urge to call a childhood friend and probe her about our shared experiences. I decided against this course of action because... I didn't want to risk upsetting her and didn't think it was right to take her back with me just because I can't remember things clearly.

This is all probably just brain chatter that means nothing but I am trying to make it mean something.