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Old Oct 18, 2008, 11:43 AM
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Mouse_ Mouse_ is offline
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The last couple of month's I've felt unable to morph T "up", I haven't been able to hold her in mind hardly at all. I've felt the tears and saddness in my chest but could not cry. The pain has been awful, the feeling of no one being there again, the feeling of wanting something that is bigger than this world.

Friday was a good session, T said did I want her to explain to me what had happened? She said I am reluctant to put it like this because of the media representation of this but its that your personality has split, you hold to bits seperate from each other, both existing without each others awareness of each other. On one hand you have the part that is "invincible" then you have the part that feels as if its shattered into a million pieces, then there "ordianary" and when the 2 parts get closer and closer together, the invincible gets to close to the pain of the shattered pieces they split of again to survive.

I was so pleased for the discription because I know T is always reluctant to get into explaining the session away rather then attend to what presents, but I needed something to hold onto at times.

Its helped me to think about these split of parts and know of their existence, and to form some sort of mental mapping of what may be going on. I feel as if I can talk to the invinciple now and say its ok to feel vunrable, its human and I can say to the shattered into a million part that the pain it is remembering is not off this day, its from a long time ago and with that I can bring a middle part in to hold the 2 extreme parts aloft together.

T also said I haven't told you yet have I? and my heart sank and I looked at her and she said, this coming half term I wont be taking it off, you may if you wish and I smiled and said, "what do you think I'm going to say"? and she smiled back!!!

The end!
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  #2  
Old Oct 18, 2008, 03:56 PM
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pachyderm pachyderm is offline
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OK:
    1. The message you have entered is too short. Please lengthen your message to at least 10 characters.
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Now if thou would'st
When all have given him o'er
From death to life
Thou might'st him yet recover
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  #3  
Old Oct 18, 2008, 06:15 PM
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Kiya Kiya is offline
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Pachy - doesn't that 10 character message just BUG you???? gosh.

Mouse - YAY! good that t was able to give an explanation!! and i like how you are making sense of it and bringing them together.
very cool.
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  #4  
Old Oct 18, 2008, 08:30 PM
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MissCharlotte MissCharlotte is offline
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HI Mouse,

It's amazing isn't it, when we become aware-on a feeling level-of the pain we endured as children and how we coped by splitting out. This reminds me of a conversation I had with T when he said I was left unintegrated. Your T's explanation about how the parts split out again when they get close to each other was interesting. It helps me to understand why the pain gets so intense again and again.

Great news that T is not taking that break!

Take care.

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