[Mouse_]

I feel like my needs have been met today in T.... I told her straight off how I wish I could have found a way to not come anymore, but when I think like that, I then see the "other" T and I want her back....T said, Yes, ...I said I feel like I'm at 1000 crossroads all at the same time ....I spoke about how fast I feel, how I keep ranting and ranting ...T said, what do you think your really ranting about? and then I said I feel like a pit-bull on a treadmill that has no choice and can't stop running ... T said, and whats driving the treadmill? I said, oh, anger, she said Yes... I then said I hate, hate having to say this, but I feel if I lost my job or something like that, we'd be over ...she nodded and said, no, no, we'd work around that ....she said your working a high level at the moment and it is tiring ... I said how I seem to be a social misfit ...99 people are feeling one way, and I'm the 1 that thinks or feels a different way, T said, and you think you shouldnt? ...then she said I think other peoples feelings scare you, you feel your going to be wiped out by them or smoothered by them...YES! thats it, I didn't realise the feeling i feel at times when I listen to others is me feeling totally obliterated by their feelings .... I just thought I was a miserable mean *****... though I did say to T I am sick...and she nodded yes....I said but others had a much worse life then me...T said I think you minimise how horrendous your life was ....its so wierd hearing your life talked about like that...so I sit here now feeling like someone has finally turned the treadmill off...AMEN!!

((((((((((Mouse)))))))))))))))))

What a great session - sounds like just what you needed.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Mouse_

then she said I think other peoples feelings scare you, you feel your going to be wiped out by them or smoothered by them...YES! thats it, I didn't realise the feeling i feel at times when I listen to others is me feeling totally obliterated by their feelings ....

This is where the "lack of empathy" comes from then (that is part of the diagnosis)? Mouse, your understanding and communication of yourself here is really shining some light and fleshing out NPD. Yes, my fascination is partly because of my insider's knowledge of this disorder because of my mother....... But on the other hand I am just as fascinated with the inner workings of BPD.