[Bleah]

So T was saying something about how when I worry that if I tell her certain things that *she* won't be able to handle it, that she will be too affected, that she'll think I'm icky and will dump me, that really those are my fears about myself. Can someone explain that further, or if they even agree with it?

I think she also said dreams are kind of similar. So if currently I'm having a lot of panicked dreams where something happens to her and she can't be there for me, is that actually saying something about me??

Oh dear, I think I need to go get a Psychology degree to understand my therapy.

Isn't that called Projection? When we feel something about ourselves, but we think THE OTHER person is thinking it about us?? (I'm not sure)

I know that I worried A LOT early in therapy that I was "too much", my needs were too big, my story was "too much", etc., etc. I remember one day realizing (and saying to T in a surprised way) - this stuff is too much FOR ME. And I got it. HE was fine- it was really ME having all of those thoughts and feelings.

((((((((((((((((bleah)))))))))))))))

[imapatient]

"So T was saying something about how when I worry that if I tell her certain things that *she* won't be able to handle it, that she will be too affected, that she'll think I'm icky and will dump me, that really those are my fears about myself. Can someone explain that further, or if they even agree with it?"

She's saying you're projecting. That you see yourself as icky, if subconsciously, and don't want to acknowledge those feelings about yourself, so you imagine that she has those feelings (or would if she knew). That way you get to feel that way about yourself, but coming from her not yourself. Make any sense?

"I think she also said dreams are kind of similar. So if currently I'm having a lot of panicked dreams where something happens to her and she can't be there for me, is that actually saying something about me??"

A little harder for me to articulate, but I think she's saying that you're projecting your fears of abandonment onto her, this time you’re abandoned, but by circumstances not by things in your control or by you yourself. Rather than being able to directly understand your fears of being left, you imagine it happening by something other than you yourself. Like being abandoned if she discovers things about you as icky, you'll be abandoned by her, but by circumstances, not you personally. In the dreams scenarios, you don't identify that you'll be abandoned because of who you are, you displace it to a general fear of something happening. In both cases, you're left alone by something going on with your T.

See my post about reasons for termination. You're talking about #'s 3 and 4 as reasons for her to terminate. The biggest fears people have in getting known by others. You're inherently bad--icky--therefore once found out you'll be rejected.