[phoenix7]

there will be talk of SI and Su so if this may trigger you - please do not read this thread.

ok, so I am not in harms way, let me say that first. I had a good session on monday and will see T in 2 or 3 weeks time (i say maybe 3 because of a comment about the number of sessions i had had (me insecure... never! ) that makes me think maybe I should be tapering therapy off- (this cant go on forever)

I found my little bit of peace in that session - thinking about the aquarium I am going to visit in a couple of weeks time and thats all i need to get by just a little bit of peace.

and heres the but, .....tuesday i went ot work -got angry with someone who was treating me like dirt then let it go (WOW thats amazing for me ) I said to myself either i can be angry aobut this and it will damage me or i can let it go - and i let it go (see miracles do happen) so I had a good day - then when i was shopping i thought ... well lets say I wanted to do serious self harm which may have led to other things. the feeling persisted till today and is still there in the background - I keep the image of the aquarium in my mind to counteract it - I am in control though - eek except of my fingers - how the heck did i change the font!!!! LOL

Anyway the question i have is - is this something that you guys have experienced? you have a good session adn then it comes back to bite you on the you know where? I just dont understand - I must seriously be barking mad !! I have my little bit of peace and that is/should be enough P7

[deliquesce]

P7, i love you - but you already knew that, right? all your posts make me lol (haha font change!), even though they go into some pretty heavy stuff.

first up: this isn't a time to be tapering off therapy. this is where you need to step it up. get the support you need until you aren't having dangerous thoughts anymore. so let's try to make the next session in.... 1 or 2 weeks time?

congrats on letting the poo-head worker not get to you. that's a big achievement!! especially when you're already feeling low.

as for your final question... i don't know. i'm confused about what you mean by "serious self harm which may have led to other things", but you don't need to spell it out if you don't want to.

about having a good session and then feeling like crap? happens to me all the time. but nicer than having a crap session and then feeling like crap.

[phoenix7]

yep definately glad i didnt go for the double crap option! LOL

I wanted to cut myself, my wrists, and i realised i wanted to cut myself deeply until there would never be another time.

I guess I have an appointment coming up that is adding to it - last year I had a brain scan as I was having lots of headaches and they found that I MAY have a brain tumour - I remember her saying if you get cancer this is the best one to get -hmmm dont remember shouting yippee and jumping up and down though then she said i would have to wait a year for another scan as IF it was a tumour they grew very slowly and it could also be just a part of bone that i may have damamged that is growing - or grown - so feb is when i get my next scan - its on my mind, if it is a tumour it is near my frontal lobe - i have seen people with frontal lobe damage - I will not be one of those people - so i guess that has a part to play too - sorry I sound like im complaining and im not - im just saying it is probably a factor in why my mind drifts - not much i can do about that till feb ay! I guess part of me says if im not around i wont have to deal with it which is stupid cos it could be GOOD news! I might just be a bone-head LOL