[TayQuincy]

I saw my T yesterday and when I left, I felt it was a good session. I talked about what I needed to talk about. But soon after leaving her office, I started thinking about what i said, and how I must have come across to her. I realize I must have come off as judgemental, or even selfish, just spilling out the things I'm trying to cope with (regarding my kids) and going off on a few tangents. I find myself obsessively worrying about how I acted. I've been with T for 6 years and she pretty much knows everything about me, so I don't know why I am being so self-conscious about how i acted in session. I have OCD as one of my dx's, so I think maybe that is what is causing the rumination. Today it seems to be taking on a life of its own, with intrusive thoughts about calling her to apologize for the whole session. Does anyone else ever do this? I really haven't done this very much in the past, but I can't seem to let go of the thoughts.

I told T today that I was worried I was going to leave session and start thinking about what he was thinking about me. He told me that would be magical thinking and irrational, and to put up a big STOP sign if I started doing it.

He left me a message and told me "no magical thinking, trying to guess what I'm thinking. *I* don't even know what I'm thinking half the time" lol

Guessing what T is thinking is just the thing that sends me into my spinning spiral of insanity. If you can't let it go, can you call T for some reassurance?

You said you've been with T for 6 years....sometimes, when I'm in that spiral, I remind myself that one session, or one e-mail, or one phone call isn't going to unravel our entire relationship and all of the work we've done together. That brings me back to reality sometimes.

(((((((((((Tay)))))))))))))))

[madisgram]

well it may be the ocd working on you. another thought is we all want for approval to some degree. our T's don't make wild judgements of us. since you've been with the T for 6 years i doubt it had any negative impact at all.even if you'd been with the T for 1 day, i don't think your T would think less of you. it may have given him some insight on what's going on with you.
you stated, "I realize I must have come off as judgemental, or even selfish, just spilling out the things I'm trying to cope with (regarding my kids) and going off on a few tangents." ...we see the T to use them as a sounding board, they are a "mirror" of our thoughts, and i think that's just what you did. you were talking about things that were on your mind. perhaps things important enough that you needed to vent.
try to be kind to yourself as you would a good friend. we often are so critical of ourselves sometimes, beat up on ourselves, etc. that's not what a good friend would do, so try to let this go. i usually do something physical if i have something i can't stop worrying about. it helps cause it gives my mind a rest.
if you still feel like this tomorrow you can always call your T then. more than likely by then you will see that your worries are not really a worry.
i hope this helps. you can start your day all over whenever you feel like it.

[phoenix7]

I think your T would probably just think you are stressed - please be kind to yourself - try and do something that occupies your thoughts - me im off to play with my kitties - that always helps break the cycle for me for a while - take care P7

[MissCharlotte]

Sounds like a normal therapy aftermath to me!

[Tumnus]

Originally Posted by MissCharlotte

Sounds like a normal therapy aftermath to me!

Sounds like my normal, too!

[SpottedOwl]

(((TayQuincy)))

Originally Posted by TayQuincy

I felt it was a good session. I talked about what I needed to talk about. But soon after leaving her office, I started thinking about what i said, and how I must have come across to her.

You took care of yourself, felt good, talked about what you needed to talk about...how is that a bad thing? Perhaps in the past it was not always acceptable to take care of your needs?

Call T and let her know you are really worrying about how you acted. You certainly don't need to apologize for talking without censoring yourself (T was probably thrilled), but this might be a good opportunity to find out why you're having this reaction.

[TayQuincy]

Thanks so much. It has gotten better over the last few days with being distracted with life.

I know I will have to talk about it in session though. I don't usually ruminate this bad to the point of severe stress like I did this time. I guess I usually ruminate about the things that go well and make me feel connected. Just surprised after a good session I would do this.