[StrawberryFieldsss]

Well, I wasn't going to bother with therapy again, but I am wondering if going to a male t might be beneficial for me.

Most of my issues are with men, to be honest. I tried a male t way back when but after a few sessions he said something like we might not be a good fit. I went to my female t and everything was fine.

The guy was recommended to me by a friend that was dealing with issues similar to mine and she raved about him and told me how great he was.

So, I guess to anyone dealing with issues with men, how has that worked out for you? Any other thoughts from anyone are welcome.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Most of my issues are with men also, but I was very happy to get a female T. I don;t go to any male doctors any more, if I can help it... I've found that female Drs on the whole are better listeners, more caring, and more ...humble... if I can put it that way.

of course that's just my own take on it. whether I made a right decision I don't know; first timer, nothing to compare it to; but I guess it;s fine because we seem to be working well together.

[madisgram]

i had major issues with men due to abuse. when i got assigned a male t the first time i had treatment i said, "i don't like men, so you stay over there and i'll stay over here. if you so much as move out of your chair i'm outtaa here." well, would you believe it, i had him for my T for over 12 years! now that was just of me. for others it might not work out so well. when i moved i told him he had an incredible gift for helping people.
since you have felt comfortable with a woman before why don't you try to stick with that. i know many people that prefer a woman for all their medical needs. i just don't have to do that for myself. i've had good and bad luck with women and men. just say, next! if something doesn't work out regardless of the gender.

[kim_johnson]

I have issues with both males and females but think that my issues with females make it harder for me to feel safe around and attached to a female t. I typically prefer to see males... But at the end of the day I really do think that the individual fit is so much more important.

I never could imagine seeing a female T...I have a really hard time trusting women who are supposed to help me (mom issues, anyone?). So even though I had SA issues involving men, I knew I could only open up with a male T (and it was still gut-wrenchingly hard)

Now I have a female "Teacher T" along with T, and all of those scary female issues are starting to pop up...even after over a year of really good therapy with (male) T, who I still see.

I guess in the end, I agree that the "fit" with a particular T, male or female, is probably the most important thing....

[chaotic13]

I seem to have issues with both genders. I don't know. I think I connect and ATTACH :-) to men a little easier. I could not decide so the office manager just but me on one of the T's schedule. I still wonder if I would have done better with a male T. But then again, I think working with a female may benefit me in the long run. I thinks fate has but me were I am for a reason

[phoenix7]

I got a male T first for a preset limited number of sessions - he was great for everything except one - SA - he was the first i told about it and he helped me deal with the shame part but i so needed to hear it wasnt my fault - I was only 6 or 7 - he never said it - he just said i should accept and deal with it as a thing that happened - when the sessions were over i felt i still needed help

So I went to another T - Female this time - and she actually said the words I needed to hear - so I guess I needed both to get through it -

different things at different times - I never specifically looked for a male or female T it was just the luck of the draw and I was lucky 2 times

you said you had a female T that was good - is that finished? are you still seeing her?

[coconut64]

I'm with EM here, too many issues with mom. I was afraid a female T would become my mother and would make therapy even harder.

A lot of my issues stem from being hurt by men so I forced myself to chose a male T. I'm just starting to break down walls. One of my greatest fears is getting hurt again. While the fear is very present in the relationship, I know in my heart that he is trust worthy and would never hurt me. He has poven that over and over again. I like that he is kind, that he matches my tone of voice when I'm mellow, that he gets fustrated with me and shows it when I don't let him in, that since I'm just learning to feel, he can guess what I'm feeling spot on, I like that he returns calls always on the same day, mostly with a few hours. I like that he knows when I need extra help even if I can't ask him. I like that he is teaching me about myself, my feelings, my thoughts, and about human relationships.

[deliquesce]

i have a male pdoc. also used to have a male T and a male GP. i switched to a female GP because my male GP was uncomfortable doing physicals on women. fair enough. female GP is great, very caring and patient.

i have issues to do with guys, also. my pdoc is great about it. i feel very safe with him. also - him just being a guy - it challenges my assumptions about men. i can't believe that my pdoc would hurt his wife, or hurt his children, or intentionally hurt anyone he comes into contact with. so we work through some of my stuff together, and he is very gentle.

my male T - he was ok. not as great as my pdoc though. he tried to refer me to a female T to deal with my issues about men, i don't know if it's because he wasn't suited to helping me, or if he thought i would be more comfortable with a female T.

i think it comes down to the individual, in the end. if you find someone who is good for you, then it will work regardless of gender. one thing that is good about having a male pdoc with whom i share a good bond is that we don't need to go through everything together - just him being a guy challenges stuff - he's living proof that not all men are bastards. i would not get this sort of first hand evidence from a female T. but maybe with a female T i would not have as many attachment issues, either. i desperately want my pdoc to like me. i dont really care if my GP does or not.

so +s and -s either way.

[sunrise]

My first T was a female and I really wanted a female. I was going through the explosion of a longterm bad marriage and felt really burned by it and my spouse. I felt if I went to a man, he would someone take the side of my H and not be sympathetic or understanding. (I don't know what I envisioned, really, like did I think a man would say, "what's the big deal if your H is sleeping with other women right and left? that's just how we men are"?) But my T was a female and she was OK, but not too helpful in the long run and I don't think ever really understood the root of my issues (she didn't tend to want to delve deep). I left her and months later found this other T, a male, almost accidentally. I went to see him because I heard he was an expert at helping people get divorced. He turned out to be great and was also a trauma specialist, which I needed, and he was not afraid to go deep, like the female therapist. We bonded very quickly and I am strongly, strongly attached to him. We have a great relationship and it has been very, very healing to have this with a man. It somehow has made men seem all right to me again, like not all men were like my H, not all men would treat me that way. It's just so wonderful to go talk to a man who is NICE to me. I never would have guessed this benefit when I was first looking for a therapist.

[StrawberryFieldsss]

Originally Posted by phoenix7

you said you had a female T that was good - is that finished? are you still seeing her?

I haven't seen her for 18 (?) years? It has been a lonnngg time since I have been in any kind of therapy.

[Brian37]

male therapists just strike me as odd...im an old fashioned hard working,hands on, meat and potatoes guy....so I went with the female therapist

I guess I have a problem with a guy who sits around all day being "touchy,feely"...maybe thats why im in therapy anyway