[lifelesstraveled]

Hi Everyone!

I saw T today. She works on occassional weekends and saw me today 945. I must say it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I made sure to look at her a little more---trying to make a memory of her face. But a couple of hours later that memory faded---goood grief I dont know what my problem is...jeeesh. Anyways, the session was easy going she didnt try to get too deep with anything, thank goodness

I told her I wasnt sure why I called her, that I regretted having called her and that I hoped she wouldnt call me back....she laughed but i was dead serious . I told her didnt intend on seeing her til feb or march and even then I wasnt sure if I was going to go back at all. She asked what was going on when I decided to call her and I told her what happened at work and my slight overreaction...well more than slight overreaction to what happened at work. She asked why I was thinking of not ever going back to T and I told her it was because I keep trying to tell myself that Im fine and that I don't need T. I told her once upon a time I believed I was fine and was quite convinced of it and thats where I wanna go back to. Anyways, we kind of just grazed over the happenings of the last month or so.

Towards the end she told me that she was impressed with me. With the fact that despite feeling like Im battling btwn a the two sides of me (child and adult) that I chose the adult route of wanting to sort through my problems vs taking letting the child take over and say "screw T! you don't need her!" She said she sees that there's is motivation to move forward, even if it's just a little. She said we have to quiet the child who is screaming "screw this" and make the adult voice louder.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((LLT))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Yay!!!!! Good job, you

T had a great point about choosing the adult (healing) over the child (running). My T always points out at the end of a session if I manage to stay in the adult place the whole time. Apparently, that is a good thing

I'm glad you went to see her, and to reconnect. When will you see her again??

[lifelesstraveled]

thanks EM!

Ummm I dont see her until the 4th of Feb...I got nervous b/c she didn't have any openings any time sooner as she was completely booked over the next week... I thought she didnt have any time for me because she kept flipping through her appointment book...I felt almost a brief panic rush over me. Then she found Feb 4th....

[searchingmysoul]

((((((((lifelesstraveled))))))))

I meant to post on the thread before where you had made the appt- I liked how Lenny said that "sometimes we have to surrender to win"- I kept thinking about how in therapy that is true. Surrender our old thoughts, ways, control, negative internal dialogue, for something else- something healthier and freeing.

I am glad you had a good session- I hope you are impressed with yourself, you deserve that!

[phoenix7]

Sounds like a great session and that you made progress - good on you!

[lifelesstraveled]

Originally Posted by searchingmysoul

((((((((lifelesstraveled))))))))

I meant to post on the thread before where you had made the appt- I liked how Lenny said that "sometimes we have to surrender to win"- I kept thinking about how in therapy that is true. Surrender our old thoughts, ways, control, negative internal dialogue, for something else- something healthier and freeing.

I am glad you had a good session- I hope you are impressed with yourself, you deserve that!

it was a little weird when she said that...for some odd reason I felt a surge of anxiety run through me when she said it. I didn't know how to take or interpret that. But now that I've had to some time to think about it, it makes me feel a little lighter As for me being impressed with myself...I am quite happy that I wasn't mute in session LOL and was able to engage a little more and even look at her a little more.