[del12]

As I have posted before I am a little new to this therapy stuff. Since my last session with my T I have been sad and a bit anxious. I am pretty sure it had to do with what we talked about last time. My first reaction is to stuff it and keep busy so I don't feel that way. Now it is getting closer to my next session and I don't want to go and I am nervous about seeing my T on Tuesday. I hate feeling like this (sad and anxious) and it has been awhile since I have had this feeling linger for more than a couple days.
Logically I can say I should go because it will help me sort these feelings out, but deep inside there is this fear of talking to my T about why I feel this way. If that makes any sense. I was wondering if anyone has experience this and how do you deal with the fear of bringing up/dealing with "bad" stuff. I really want to quit stuffing and running away from my feelings which hasn't been very healthy for me. Thanks....

[phoenix7]

its really hard - you need help and you think they can help but reaching out is hard - hard because it makes you vulnerable - because you lay your insecurities open.

But the benefits of getting help far outway the short term safety of not getting help - its ok to feel anxious when going to therapy, most of us feel or have felt that way, your T can help you deal with this - make sure you discuss it with hm/her. Distracting yourself or keeping busy helps - oing good things for yourself too - going for a walk or exercising - what ever takes your mind off it - if its really hard for me to say then I write it down and give it to T - I hope things get better for you soon P7

(((((((((((((((((((((del))))))))))))))))))))))

I used to be so anxious about going to see T that it would actually make me physically sick sometimes. I homeschool, and on T days, we just had to take the day off, because I was so distracted and scared and stressed that I was just useless. I used to play guitar hero to distract myself and pass the time...

It was SO SCARY to go and talk about things I had never talked about before. I remember the first time I really talked about one trauma, when I left, I was literally amazed to still be alive. I don't think I honestly thought I would die if I talked, but on some level, I think I did.

After a while, I learned that I can tell T anything, and I WILL survive, and he WILL accept me, and slowly, slowly over time, the poison will come out and make room for happy, peaceful things inside of me. It was worth it to work past the fear.

If it's too scary to talk, you don't have to push yourself. I've said here before that sometimes all I can say about a trauma in a session is ONE sentence - literally. Like "his eyes were brown" or whatever. And it takes me the whole session just to get that out and then to get regrounded so I can leave.

So take it slow, and if it's too scary to talk, talk about the fear of talking. Talking about the fear of talking helps us learn that T is safe, and helps us get used to talking, and things start to get easier.

(((((((((((((((((((del))))))))))))))))))) Hang in there. The journey is hard, but it is so worth it.

[Sannah]

I agree, you have to go at your own pace, whatever you can handle. Talk to your T about how you are coping, etc.

[peaches100]

Del12,

I've felt the same fear you have felt, many times when I've gone to therapy. You say that you have stuffed things down and want to learn to stop doing that. It's natural that you'd feel very anxious about opening up, especially at first. Take it step by step, you don't have to unload everything at once. At times, I've had to remind myself that the feeling of sadness or fear will not kill me. For so many of us who were raised not being allowed to have or show our feelings, it can be very scary to acknowledge and feel feelings. They can seem to have some ultimate power over us that we will not be able to handle. But we can learn to look at our traumas, and feel our feelings, little bits at a time. It's scary, but there's also a relief in doing so. . .it letting out all that pain that has been stored up inside us and festering for years.