[imapatient]

I'm feeling some barriers to disclosure with my T.

I've been having phone sessions with my NYC T (old old T) to help cope with my su feelings (contacted him after getting very su and in need of help from someone I know and trust). A lot of what we're dealing with is the termination from my Old T four years ago. It's helpful, but I'm feeling like I have to hold back on a stream of thoughts. He's willing to get in touch with her and try to help us connect, or get info from her as an intermediary.

I'm having thoughts about how things might go if a meaningful exchange of info can't happen--negative thoughts of su. I fear telling him about the negative stuff because it likely will stand in the way of him taking positive steps as an intermediary. He'll think I'm not ready to handle the situation at all if I do spill a bit. So telling him will be self-defeating.

So I feel like going along right now and see where it goes, and if it isn't satisfactory then opening up about the negative thoughts. It's a bit of a catch-22, and I wish I just be fully open about my feelings.

[phoenix7]

((((imapatient)))