Briere's therapy treatment ideas - Wow, kind of answered everything...

Someone posted a link to a Briere chapter a while back (http://johnbriere.com/stm.htm), and I've been slowly trying to digest it. There is a lot there. When I brought it up to my T, she said that it's one of her favorite works, that she finds his work to be very humane.

Interestingly, despite the fact that I read this piece and really liked it, it also has caused problems for me with T. Now I feel like she's judging me from a clincial perspective. When she asks me things, I respond "Well, Briere and you would say..." It's a mess. Definitely in an I-hate-therapy-and-it's-a-waste-of-my-time place right now. But trying not to be rash. Maybe it's a period of transition and processing.

Anyway, here are some parts I really liked:

Yeah, it's definitely going against every impulse I have to keep going back and telling her more things, rather than walking away and never speaking to her again. Very difficult.

That makes sense to me. Why I'm always looking for proof in the way she acts.

This discussion was huge to me, explained what the theoretical purpose of the therapy relationship was supposed to be. Before I was just doing it, blindly; now I have an idea of what it's supposed to accomplish and how.

Someone asked about this in another thread. Pretty interesting.

Unlearning is hard and takes time. I often go in expecting my T will want to argue with me about something and am ready to fight back. And then she doesn't, she takes a different, more gentle approach. It's always unexpected to me.

There's a lot more there. Thanks to whoever posted this article previously on PC (kim_johnson?) -- it was a big relevation to me to find it.

I read and re-read Briere too, and eventually I learned a lot about what was supposed to be happening in Ts office (and in me), and it helped so much. He really gave me some light into what was just scariness before.

His use of the term "self-trauma" confused me until I started reading James Chu's "Rebuilding Shattered Lives" at the same time. Chu wrote that in working with trauma, the T must establish safety FIRST and over all; if that work is not done, or not done thoroughly, the "uncovering" just causes more pain.

So Briere too - first works on safety (self) and when that is bolstered, he works on uncovering (trauma), then back to self, etc.

I noticed something that is apparently important - over and over again, Briere cautions that the impulse of the trauma patient is to flee therapy. Since reading that, I have tried to keep an eye out for my own desires to quit - trying to keep in mind that quitting is NOT the answer. hang in there........

Thanks Sitting. I'll have to look at that other book you mentioned.

It's so true about the urge to flee. In fact, my T recently told me that she always feels like she's on the edge of losing me. I don't know what she meant exactly. But when I get upset, I do often feel like the only option I have is to walk away. But so far I've always pushed through and come back, I guess because I just resolved that I was going to do therapy no matter how hard it was...but at some point, enough is enough... Ugh.

(((notme9)))

I have not read Briere, but I am definitely going to check it out. I have read a bunch of other books, articles, theories in an attempt to understand not only what I was experiencing but what the heck was supposed to happen in therapy.

From a physical point of view, this has recently been confirmed with the discovery of 'mirror neurons' in our brains. These neurons only fire not only when we are doing something, but when we observe someone else authentically doing something.

In the therapeutic sense, I think that when T is authentically showing me kindness (for example), it allows my brain to learn how to 'fire' and feel that kindness for myself.

Knowing there is scientific evidence that supports therapy helped me a lot to really commit to the process. It also explains *why* the therapeutic relationship is such a vital part of the healing -- if T is not being authentic, or if the connection isn't there, then our brains are not firing those mirror neurons.

In light of what I just said -- maybe T is feeling that you are feeling the urge to walk away. Maybe T's mirror neurons are firing from *your* feelings???

Thanks for reposting the Briere and sharing, and good for you for being committed to the process!

Thanks, Spotted Owl. I appreciate the support. The mirror neurons research that you mention is intriguing -- do you have a link to anything about that? I'd love to learn more.

Thanks for those quotes from Briere, notme.... I haven't a chance to read the article.

I especially liked what he said about verbal assurances about being safe not being enough- the client has to EXPERIENCE the safety. I think that must be why it takes SO LONG to feel safe in therapy...and, at least for me, why when I finally did start to really feel safe, I felt it (and feel it) SO very deeply.

Everything you quoted just seemed so "on the mark". I am so grateful that we have therapy as a place to heal.

the resolution you made is so brave! Hang onto it!
and about the little emoticon you have here - please be gentle with yourself.

Yes I'd say my therapy experience is much in line with what has been posted here.

Thanks, Sitting.

I feel like I am at a crossroads with therapy. That maybe it has sufficiently connected me with past pain. Great, I know it's there. Why on earth would I want to put myself through it again, in therapy? It feels like I'm banging my head against the wall. Just putting myself in that same position over and over again. Maybe time to move on... I guess we'll discuss this tomorrow.

I understand Briere's theory of therapy up to a point. I understand the idea of triggering emotions that remind you of old trauma, so that you are aware of them, break through the numbness, and can consider whether your reactions in present day are really based on old hurts. But once you've been reminded, once you are aware it's there and that it sucked and that it will never be able to be fixed. Well...what else can therapy possibly have to offer? I don't get it.

Here is another part I liked, sort of on that point. I guess I don't see how to "process" and how that will resolve anything:

Thanks, Earthmama. I guess I don't feel like it's a place to heal. I feel like it's a place to be reminded. But I don't see what comes next, and I don't want to be stuck there.

Hi Notme9,

Thanks for these quotes. I have not read Briere but all of his comments make perfect sense and seem to describe in plain language what I perceive to be the goal of the therapeutic relationship.

I really get this and I am somewhat in this place now. In some ways I think this is where the really hard work begins. I think the goal now, is to get in touch with our core selves. Chaotic mentioned a book called "Something more: excavating your authentic self." I bought this book last week and it is beautiful.

I think that once we have reached the place where we are ready to do more and be something more than an abused person, then we can try to find out who we were meant to be before we were abused. In our core selves we are beautiful, whole, and good! T can bear witness as we begin this new journey of self discovery.

Thanks again for the article.

(((((((((((((((((notme))))))))))))))))))))) What a painful spot to be in.

T has told me to "trust the process" and I know he believes in it very much, and I DO feel like our relationship has been healing for me. I don't feel HEALED, but I do feel like the process is working...

Do you think that first comes the reminding, and then the healing?? For me, I didn't even know the extent of my own pain until I started therapy and the therapy relationship opened it all up. It felt horrible. Somehow, though, things are changing for me. My wish is that it will change for you too....

(((((((notme9)))))))

I love Briere. The writing is so sensitive and tender about trauma therapy and the experience of the client.

Notme9- I too experience the re-experiencing of the trauma as so much harder than the original incident. I think I was so shut down when things would happen that I immeadiately would go back to business as usual to gain the equalibrium. (Imagine the coping skills we have to have in this...but that is off topic a little...) Now, the revisit is actually more like experiencing the incident for the first time. It is beyond awful. And all of the ways I had to deal with it then I have to disarm in order to heal.

Thanks MissCharlotte. I think what you said there is interesting and probably something I will have to think about more in the future, something I've never thought about before. Thanks for that book recommendation, too.

Just had my session and feel exhausted. But not angry for the first time in a while, so I guess that's something. We talked by phone, so I was able to say more than I usually do, to be more direct without leaving the experience, and I think we accomplished some things. I think she finally got what I was saying (I thought it had been obvious before, but she claims she didn't know. We decided that in the future I will use certain code words when things are bad, that way she won't miss it and can respond accordingly.) I'll probably post more when I've had some time to process it.

Thanks again.

Yeah, I think that's what's supposed to happen in theory. I just haven't read enough to understand exactly how that healing step works. Briere said a little bit about it, that part of it is that you experience the feeling in therapy, but then come to realize the present situation is not the same as the one that made you originally feel that, and recognizing that "disparity" is helpful (he said it better). That of course assumes there is disparity (i.e. that the T isn't doing the same thing that hurt you the first time, in which case, that would be confirmation, and not a very good feeling).

As for not knowing/realizing until therapy, yes, me too. I was in the habit of not thinking about things and just moving on. So, yes, lots of things that had never been reflected on before.

Thanks again, EM. I appreciate the support.

Yes, exactly, Searchingmysoul. I think the anger and distancing are what I have to disarm, and it's hard. In talking about the recent anger, my T said she knows I feel vulnerable and protective, and yes, I guess that's it. When you drop your defenses, which is what you have to do to emotionally connect with those old experiences, you are open and vulnerable and more sensitive to everything else, too. Very hard.

Thanks.

(((((((((((((((( notme9 ))))))))))))))))))

I'll try to put together some good links for you -- I should have probably written earlier that much of my 'theory' of how they might impact the therapeutic relationship is just that -- a theory that makes sense to me. Not, scientifically proven yet, because it is such a new field of research.

Wikipedia Overview of Mirror Neurons:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mirror_neurons

A pretty scholarly article, scan down to 'Mirroring Emotions and Sensations' What Do Mirror Neurons Mean? The Mirror neuron system and its role in interpersonal relations

A general science daily article:
How Mirror Neurons Allow us to Learn and Socialize...

I apologize if my first post was not totally topical -- just the idea of finding answers and having it all make sense, reminded me of this, and I wanted to help.