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#1
Feb 23, 2009, 07:06 AM
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...After the weeks break and the last session where I was late and T offered to extend my session and I shed tears and found it hard to put into words with her what her doing that meant...now I feel anything less than that intimate sharing is flat, but I also know I am to afraid to get back to that level of intimacy with her and am afraid I shall sit and just stare at her books and not talk...I wish I could beat this fear, but its so hard, my memorys of rejection are to strong, even though intellectually I Know T will never rebuff me and if she did it would be done for a reason...i like it when she asks the questions and I can just nod, but for me to make the speech, well you might as well ask me to jump out of an aeroplane, it just doesn't feel like its ever going to happen like its never going to happen that I will ever put my feet up on her couch..it just aint gonna happen...
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Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach |
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#2
Feb 23, 2009, 09:47 AM
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(((mouse)))) have you ever tried daily journalling about your feelings to take with you when you go see your t? it may help you since it will be a reminder of the things that are bothering you during the time between sessions. i know it's difficult to open up
 but jme i believe it is necessary for our t's to help us. just nodding an answer is not communicating our needs, imho. can u try to get iinvolved with your therapy? taking ownership of therapy can empower you and also doing that can allow your t to teach you coping skills for everyday living. even if you allow yourself a little verbal engagement it is a start? glad you like your T. trusting our t's is a positive thing.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
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#3
Feb 24, 2009, 04:24 AM
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(((Mouse))))
Madisgram has a good idea about journalling - I take things I have written to my sessions and they only started really dealing with things after I did that because I could never say what was really the problem I hope you find a way to speak at your sessions - P7
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts  its how many times you get back up!   (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture  )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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#4
Feb 24, 2009, 06:51 AM
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Oh I was just rambling, I do journal and do speak, infact I speak a great deal about deep things, but that doesn't stop me wishing I didnt have too...yesterday I actually felt quite animated and spoke about things as they came to mind thinking at first I was just rambling but actually unbeknown to me some important stuff begun to imerge..you know they say the "fantasy" father isn't "let go" until much further into therapy and out of my adoptive parents my dad was the better, but yesterday something came up and I suddenly remembered somethign my dad said and then I just started talking about the accusations he would make, and it was like living in wonderland because what he was saying didnt match reality and he would accuse you of having done things and you hadn't but you heard it so often that you lost the ablity to be sure about things and I had to always be prepared for accusations, and something that happened a couple of months ago in T suddenly made sense...T said, so your father wasn't as suportive as you've said in the past, and I goes, well I guess not and today I just felt like I had let go that final childhood fantasy and came into my own space...so do not mind me, I just like to write out aloud and am never in that terrible place any more, yes i get down and yes I get confused, but its all managable nowadays...
Thanks
__________________
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach |
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#5
Feb 24, 2009, 08:18 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts its how many times you get back up! (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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