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This is a very new thought that has come to me the last 2 weeks...that Its ok to want to do things just for me, that its ok not to worry and fret and think constantly about my children (ages 15x2 and 21), its ok to do what I want to do for me...I mentioned this to T today and about how growing up it was forbidden to do anything that wasn't to do with my adoptive mother...but I thought it was a sin to have this thoughts, to even think if something happened to my kids I'd still be here...T said because of both my mothers having done things for themselves I identify badness with that...because they were both brutal in their doing for themselves I've always tried to go the other way, but now I'm beginning to find a healthy balance and yes I think T has been that healthy role model, by her taking her holidays as much as that has pained me over the yrs its taught me...as I say this is such a new revelation for me...a simple one perhaps, but brand new for me, and it makes living just that bit easier when you dont feel you have to carry the world on your shoulders!!! its oke, its not mean or selfish I said to T about how I struggle with people that show this sort of independence even her...and she smiled and said yes...