Mothers day.

I was listening to a radio phone -in as I drove to T this morning...at first I wondered what "issue" would be at the forefront today, would it be the emails I wrote, would it be about the muddles we experienced last week? ..but once I heard the phone in, I knew what it would be. The phone in was about mother's day on the 22nd and about those that have lost their mothers and how that feels.

As these daughters were talking about their loss, I knew the feelings too, but felt I had no right to know this feeling because I lost my mother before I knew her, unyet the loss was identical to the stories on the radio.

I found myself feel a little angry and jealous that these people had comforting memorys to help them through, I had none, I couldnt look back on anything because it was all preverbal, UNYET my body holds the memorys and it hurts and its like no words have been invented to describe the loss for me.

I told T as soon as I arrived about hearing the show and how I felt and how it seems so silly to have so much pain having only spent such a short lenght of time with my birht mother, T said, yes but at that point that short lenght of tmie spent with her was your entire life to that point.

we talked somemore about working on the forgiveness, and how I am still trying to work out where I stand with all off this, and I said, you know I don't know what she left me, apart from life??

T said, well if you look within yourself you will find the key...we talked some more and I hit on what it is my birth mother "left me", and suddenly I felt like I had "come home", I found my connection, my real connection, my place in the order of things. I actually felt I finally had a mother, not a perfect mother, not one I would have wanted, but the reality is, she is the one I got and there is something she left me with, that isn't a negative, so all in all, it was a nice session

(((Mouse_))) you did amazing
we all get the mom we get. as you said. I m sorry you never got to know yours.
Its hard both ways on mothers day.
Its a holiday ..........after losing mine ,.,,,,,,,,,I have a hard time with
so glad you came to terms with it

Mouse,

This is really interesting. Can you say more about what the moment of realization was like for you, and what it means for you now?

Mouse, you knew your mother while you were in the womb too and you attached to her there also. Babies listen to their mom's voices and the other voices of the family too. Babies turn their heads toward their parents when they hear mom's and dad's voices after they are born. My husband saw this happen. He went over while they were cleaning up our first born. Everyone there was talking and our child wasn't focusing on anything and then my husband asked a question and she looked right towards him! I have heard it explained that babies already know their mothers when they are born and if that baby is adopted that child is mourning the loss of her mother. That child grows up never having completed that mourning because it was preverbal and therefore not understood...........

Mouse
I am imagine it must have been very difficult growing up without "mom".

My mom was very distant, didn't show her love much.
I just lost her to cancer a little over 6 months ago. Her birthday is the day before mother's day. I know it's going to be a very difficult because I am love her and am angry with her all at the same time. It' sort of confusing.

Sounds like you had a very insightful session.


hangingon