I'm going to march into therapy...

And say:

"This is what I want to deal with. Nothing else. I am aware of the risks associated with dealing with this stuff head on - but I want to do it because I hate wasting time".



Except I'd never say that. I've not gone to therapy in almost a month again. Stupid schedule changes I've had.

Bah. I wish dealing with "abuse issues" was straightforward. I know I have a life of issues, but I figure if I could just "solve" this that everything else would be easier. The way things are going I feel we're dealing with the symptoms instead of dealing with the problem causing the symptoms!

I mean, I'm fine dealing with my negative outlook on stuff, my interpersonal issues, trust issues/abandonment issues, depression issues, self-harming issues, and all the other stuff in my life... but it would be *SO* much easier to just solve this particular issue.

It wouldn't be easy by any stretch of the imagination... and I'd be miserable for some time... but in the end, wouldn't it make things go quicker?

Bah. I hate being a psych student. Don't "out psych" the psych student. No wonder she said that her colleagues told her that dealing with psych students as clients is the hardest thing ever!! We're always analyzing ourselves...

Appointment is... ummm... sometime next week at 3:45. I want to say Thursday but not sure. Wish me luck in finding where I wrote it down!

Ive rung up twice to get my appointment time and day - have written it on the calender now ..... just have to remember to look at the calender!

Christina -
I know how you feel!! It is SOOOO hard to be patient with ourselves and the process.
I told my T last week to tell me what I needed to say or talk about to get better, and I would do it.
I guess it's just not that easy.
Hang in there.....

(((((((( christina )))))))

when I started I knew nada, and I thought I was "crazy" and everything scared me. I wasn't given any into as to what to expect or how to behave or anything. That was so scary and the fact that I was apparently expected to suddenly develop limitless trust and tell everything, no matter how horrible, to someone I didn't even know, when my ability to trust is zero zero zero.

so I started reading, by now I've read a lot - not a psych student, so I know I haven't got the logical sequence of things down and have had to piece together for myself. And now, I second guess and doubt and push back, I bet that T is really sick of me sometimes.

CHristina, at least you have a realistic understanding of the process so you're not continually doubting yr T's sincerity and if your trust level goes up and down, you know why. Not saying that it's not hard for you - working on trauma is, I know now, the hardest thing ever - but you have a lot of strengths to draw on. Good luck, and here's hugs for you too-

when I read that I thought YES you go girl high five LOL Im a firm believer that the client is paying the big bucks so the cleint should decide what they want to work on in therapy.

I did do something simular to this. I wrote down what I wanted to work on and how my therapist can help me do that then in the lobby comes my therapist to escort me back to her office. I looked her in the eyes and handed her the paper and she read it and said "so there!" and we both laughted at my being so bold for the first time in a year of seeing her on and off. Then we went back to her office and drew up a therapy plan that met the needs that I wrote on the paper. Now I dont write things down I walk in and tell her dont bother questioning me about how you doing nonsense this is whats going on and this is what I need from you right now. yesterday she told me how happy she was with my progress. I giggled and said what progress Ive been stuck with this that and the other thing now for a few months. She asked me to stand up, stand by the door and watch her be me. then she did the funniest but right on imitation of me when i first came to see her, the day I took my treatment into my own hands and how I am now. I laughted and told her I got it. and we talked about how scarey it was for me that day to tell her in writing what I wanted to do in therapy. She told me that she was very happy when I did that.

It may be scarey but if I can do it you can too. so when you are ready take a deep breath, plant those feet and you go girl. high five to you.

Christine86 - how are you doing?I like amandalouise's idea of going of writing it down - I have taken a list to therapy before - and said this is what I need to deal with today - It works - worth a try?

((((((((Christina)))))))))

Yes, it does indeed sometimes suck being a psyc student

BUT, I know that you know there are certain benefits too!

Gosh, look at all that insight there! You just listed off a bunch of things that you know you struggle with, yet are able to acknowledge and move forward because of (even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes). So tackle this particular issue with all the gust and glory you would approach another one! You go ahead and walk right in there and tell your T what is on your mind! I'm sure she would appreciate it, and I know you would too! What better way to get this issue out in the open then to just come out and say it!? It can be a scary thing to do, but I promise you it will help this issue move forward.

Many hugs
Jacq

(((Christina86)))

First of all, YOU are not a problem, and therefore you do not need to be solved. I know what you mean about just wanting to 'solve my problem', but that type of thinking dehumanizes us.

You are a human being who was hurt. The only thing that will heal that hurt is the opposite of abuse...unconditional love and acceptance of yourself. Whatever happened to you, around you, near you ...does not matter. You are lovable and worthwhile, and deserve to be happy.

It can be really easy to get caught up in finding the next psychological trick to 'solve' whatever we perceive the problem to be. But at the core of it all, just being kind to yourself is the thing that provides balance for the trauma. T's can be great at helping us realize we are deserving of that kindness, but you too can start to practice it in small ways each day.

I read an article once (and have never been able to find it again) where a doctor working in a psych hospital with the worst cases wrote about how he approached their treatment. He said he tried talking to them, drugging them, all sorts of different approaches and nothing seemed to really 'fix' the problem. In his exhaustive search for a way to help the patients, he tried meditation. He sat in his office and meditated on 'I love you' and 'I'm sorry'. Over and over again. The patients then started to finally show some improvement.

Whether that is a true story or not, I don't know. But it inspired me to try it myself. I will sit and meditate on those two phrases...one with each breath, and then repeat. I've done off and on for several years now, and I started doing it in the midst of trauma recovery.

There is no one easy fix, but I find that things in general become easier and easier the kinder I am to myself.

I forgot I made this post.

((((((((((((everyone))))))))))))))

You give me so much to think about!!

Found out, it's Thursday at 3:45pm EST. So I'll be going and at least discussing what I wrote here. Because I can't keep putting money toward something that I don't get a lot out of regularly... not that I don't get anything out of therapy... but it could be much more.

Hope your session went well - update please

This is really powerful. I like this perspective on healing.