[Typo]

So yipee I went to therapy yesterday and I actually shared big scary memories and I didn't spontaniously combust, Yes I am still under the impression I might spontaniously combust in the middle of a thearpy session.

After I shared these memories we discussed my relationship with my parents and how one day I may decide to tell my parents about the abuse that occured when I was a child.

This lead to a discussion that maybe I was living an "unfilliled prophcey" with my family. We disscussed how I kept my family at arms reach and how I would rather tell a complete stranger about my abuse than my family. and how I didn't trust them and always keep them at arms distance.

She pointed out maybe this distrust in my family and my desire to keep them out of my lifes as much as possible stems from the fact I felt my family didn't protect me as a child. which I really don't like all this anger I feel towards my parents, it wasn't their fault they didn't know.

I don't know I thought it was something very interesting she pointed out and I wanted feedback.

Peace to you all
Sparrow

Hi Sparrow,

hmmm. I don't know what kind of abuse you endured, ( I am sorry that you did), but parents should do all they can to help protect their kids, and know the signs of something is wrong, know their kids. I am sure there were signs even if you didn't tell. So for me it is form of neglect. Were you threatened by this abuser if you ever told? Do you also have other reasons not to want contact with your parents? It could be so many reasons why you want to push them away.

[MissCharlotte]

((((Sparrow))))

You are brave to discuss this with T and I am so glad you didn't spontaneously combust!

You know, I just want to share that it's okay to feel anger at your parents and still love them. I do, and my parents are both dead.

[chaotic13]

She pointed out maybe this distrust in my family and my desire to keep them out of my lifes as much as possible stems from the fact I felt my family didn't protect me as a child

Silver, this may or may not be true. Only you would be able to know that. Hopefully your T was just offering this as a possible reason and not trying to tell you what your reasons are.

My parents never knew about some of the abuse I encountered going up. When I first started to realize that what I experienced was actually abuse and then started to see how the effects of this abuse spread and infected all aspects of my life, I was angry at my parents. They didn't protect me. As a parent myself, there is no possible way what happened to me could happen to my children--my kids are supervised.

I think as a child and young adult, I kept my parents at arms length for many reasons. For one, they did not seem to have the capacity to really understand me. I remember when my school system was desegrated and I was bused into a rough school. Things were bad there. At one point two city boys attacked me and I was able to sucessfully fight them off. When I got home and told my parents. My mother was upset with me for resorting to violence in school. In her mind "good girls didn't punch and hit." She grew up in a very rural farm community and was educated in a 2-room schoolhouse. At 12 trying to explain things to her... That I wasn't going to school with Laura Engles was a waste of time.

I think instead of letting your T suggest reasons why you are choosing not to tell your parents about the abuse, it might be helpful for you to find a quiet place to go within and investigate this issue. Maybe make a list of possible reasons for not disclosing or not bringing people into your inner circle. Then you might review this list with your T, to see if you maybe you are making some false assumption about what might happen if you lets some people in.

Sometimes, we have very good and legitimate reasons for not sharing things. I haven't shared my childhood stuff with my H. Mainly because, although he doesn't mean it, when he get angry he tends to use things I've told him to attack me with. He regrets it later, but... its too late then. At this moment, there is no value in sharing it with him.

[phoenix7]

Chaotics idea of writing it down is a good one - my T wants me to do a ....cant think of the word.. homework thingy.... you take something and say why in a kind and caring way -

so you could start with (if you think its true -) why do I keep my parents at arms reach - then keep asking why to the answers till you get to whatever the reason is just a thought

[Kiya]

(((((((((((((lilfish)))))))))))))))
and maybe it stems from your family treating you so bad =( like you're not really family or human....
soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo glad you didn't combust!!!!! lots o hugs!!!
kiyacat

[skeksi]

She pointed out maybe this distrust in my family and my desire to keep them out of my lifes as much as possible stems from the fact I felt my family didn't protect me as a child.

This rings so true to me. I feel like, why should I trust my family when they have already proved they aren't worth that trust?

My counselor has been challenging me to find less blame; rather than it being my fault/their fault, I have been working on seeing it as, what happened to me was awful and shouldn't have happened, but it did. It was terrible that my family didn't step in and stop the abuse. It was terrible that I felt so unsafe that I didn't tell more. I don't know, it has helped me to take fault out of the equation, but that might not work for everyone.

I trust my family to an extent now. I still don't talk about the abuse, but I do share things from my present life. I'm okay with that arrangement.

[Sannah]

Families are the way they are for many reasons and all of these reasons interact with each other. From what you have already shared your parents have issues and when you have issues that you never worked out and which still really affect you, you can't see very clearly to assess what might be going on with your children (though some do a better job with this even with their issues it seems). Also, your parents issues affect how close they are to you too. I have come full circle and worked through a ton of issues and my parents are still where they always were. I still can't have a close relationship with them. Your parents have to do some work too. Whether they will or not is out of your control.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by Silversparrow

We discussed [...] how I would rather tell a complete stranger about my abuse than my family.

just my $0.02, this seems a little hard on you, doesn't it? (especially if T was referring to herself).

It's not like you wrote a bestseller about it and dragged the family name through the mud; you have a lot of internal pain, and you are seeing someone about it privately. I think that's brave and honest of you - period. Good for you!