After my big disclosure to T on Thursday, I was so, so, so spiraly, with one fear after another kind of lining up in my head. I rarely ask for a phone conversation with T, but I was scared I wouldn't make it through the weekend otherwise, so I e-mailed T and asked if he had time for a phone call on Friday.

He called me at the end of the day, once he was home from work, sitting outside and watching his daughter play. It was such a relaxed conversation -I felt like he had all the time in the world. No other client was waiting in the waiting room, he wasn't driving to a meeting. He had enough time to help me get to a point where I was okay.

We talked for about 20 minutes and he was able to calm my fears. I felt like he was being really honest and open, not sugar coating things,and that helped. He explained to me how he takes care of himself so he can hear stories like mine and not get lost in them and still be able to help. He promised me he won't tell anyone my story, not even his own therapist. He said my story isn't "too much". He PROMISED I will feel better someday, and said I work so hard in therapy, that I won't get stuck for a long time. He said that we could take a break from talking about it if it gets to be too much for me. He said he still likes and loves all parts of me, and that nothing in my story can change that. He said that even though I haven't told him every detail about what happened yet, he understands what happened.

I'm so glad we talked...because now I feel sad but hopeful, and I DO NOT feel spiraly. That is huge.

The best part was that I felt like T was not irritated to have to talk to me. He made a point of finding a time when we could talk for as long as I needed to, without feeling rushed. I felt like he understood that this is a hard time for me,and it was okay for me to ask for help.

It feels good to feel better

[pachyderm]

Well, I want to just put a , but I have to add more words. Anyway,

[deliquesce]

thank you for sharing, EM . i love hearing about your connection with your T - he really looks after you and wants the best for you. and you are brave enough to keep engaging with him, and do so much hard work.

i'm glad you're feeling better. you deserve to be hopeful that things will be better, too.

[pegasus]

*Smiling*

Big hugs

[phoenix7]

that gave me an attack of the warm and fuzzies

thankyou for sharing that with us - I could almost see T in his garden watching his daughter play

I am glad you are feeling more relaxed

[Xtree]

Thank you for sharing your warm story with us. That must be a wonderful feeling. I am glad that he could you feel better, I understand that can be a very difficult thing to do. :-)

Xtree

[MINIME]

That is axesome. U did great asking for what u needed

[hangingon]

Treehouse,
Your T sounds so wonderful and caring. You guys sound like you have the greatest relationship.
He doesn't happen to be on the mid east coast does he? LOL

Great work at asking what you need.....and great work on your T part for following through with that.

(((((((((Treehouse)))))))))))))))))
I'm so happy for you! You so deserve peace and happiness

[Simcha]

He promised me he won't tell anyone my story, not even his own therapist. He said my story isn't "too much". He PROMISED I will feel better someday, and said I work so hard in therapy, that I won't get stuck for a long time. He said that we could take a break from talking about it if it gets to be too much for me. He said he still likes and loves all parts of me, and that nothing in my story can change that. He said that even though I haven't told him every detail about what happened yet, he understands what happened.

I told my T at last session that I'm the only one who owns my story, and so I'm the only one who can tell it, not him and not anyone else. This includes writing down what I allegedly say in my patient file. My T doesn't do that anyway, but I had a psychiatrist once (who should have been the patient BTW) who wasn't sensitive to what he did or said. When I saw my patient file I found that he quoted me as saying certain things about my story that I never said--I think he wanted to make me look worse than I was for his own purposes--this was read by a third party.

My T would never repeat what I told him to anyone, but I had to say it to him anyway to emphasize how much I value trust and privacy.

It feels good to feel better

Yay!
I need reminders of good things to help me feel better when I'm going through a difficult time too. It makes it better that we know we can trust our T's.

(((((((((TREE))))))))))
--sam

[deliquesce]

Originally Posted by Simcha

I'm the only one who owns my story, and so I'm the only one who can tell it, not him and not anyone else.

i'm glad someone else thinks this way. my pdoc read me the referral letter he wanted to send to new-T, and he mentioned some 'stuff'. it was good he read it to me - he wanted me approval on if it was ok to send. i asked him to take the 'stuff' out, though. that stuff is my stuff, and it's my story to tell, not anyone else's.

of course it didn't make a difference in the end - pdoc took it out, but i told new-T in the first session, so he found out anyway. but in a way, it did make a huge difference, because it was my story, me telling it, and my choice whether to tell it that day or not.

pdoc is good because he never writes that stuff down. so he says it's just between him and me. i like that.

Originally Posted by Simcha

I told my T at last session that I'm the only one who owns my story, and so I'm the only one who can tell it, not him and not anyone else.

I totally agree. When Teacher T wanted to consult with T, I asked him what he would tell her. He told me that he would tell her my diagnosis, tell her how hard I work in therapy, tell her that boundaries are really important to me and that *I* get to decide what boundaries are. And he made sure all of that was okay with me (it was). He said that he wouldn't tell her any of my story - if I felt like she needed to know any of it, I could tell her what I wanted to when I wanted to. It made me feel very safe.

I've asked him what he writes in his files, and he said he basically just makes notes like "affect matched stated mood" or things like that. He keeps everything else in his head. When I wrote parts of my story to give to him, he kept them in a separate unmarked file in a locked filing cabinet in another room.

I really don't want the things I'm telling him to be written down anywhere.

Eeek!! I'm triggery tonight! Time to get off of PC and distract myself...

(good to see you, Sam )

[chaotic13]

Treehouse...I'm glad your T made time for you. I'm also glad that you can discuss things in detail and still feel like he cares and wants to listen.

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by deliquesce

i'm glad someone else thinks this way. my pdoc read me the referral letter he wanted to send to new-T, and he mentioned some 'stuff'. it was good he read it to me - he wanted me approval on if it was ok to send. i asked him to take the 'stuff' out, though. that stuff is my stuff, and it's my story to tell, not anyone else's.

of course it didn't make a difference in the end - pdoc took it out, but i told new-T in the first session, so he found out anyway. but in a way, it did make a huge difference, because it was my story, me telling it, and my choice whether to tell it that day or not.

pdoc is good because he never writes that stuff down. so he says it's just between him and me. i like that.

(((((((deliquesce)))))))
Great minds think alike.
The things we tell our Therapists and Pdocs (and every healthcare provider for that matter) are personal and private. Sometimes even the good ones forget that, so it's really good to remind them of that when it occurs. The only things written down should be the minimum that the T needs to write in order to help the patient, and they should NEVER write what they alledge are quotes from the patient. Things are too easily taken out of context, and context is everything.

[chaotic13]

Originally Posted by treehouse

When I wrote parts of my story to give to him, he kept them in a separate unmarked file in a locked filing cabinet in another room.

I think most of my T file is what I've written and drawn. If my records are ever shared... It will be very difficult to dispute them...I wrote them myself.

Lately I've not been wanting my T to keep my drawings...then after H found a few...I readily gave them to my T. I'm glad they are out of my house BUT really scared about what might happen to them without me even knowing.

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by treehouse

I totally agree. When Teacher T wanted to consult with T, I asked him what he would tell her. He told me that he would tell her my diagnosis, tell her how hard I work in therapy, tell her that boundaries are really important to me and that *I* get to decide what boundaries are. And he made sure all of that was okay with me (it was). He said that he wouldn't tell her any of my story - if I felt like she needed to know any of it, I could tell her what I wanted to when I wanted to. It made me feel very safe.

I've asked him what he writes in his files, and he said he basically just makes notes like "affect matched stated mood" or things like that. He keeps everything else in his head. When I wrote parts of my story to give to him, he kept them in a separate unmarked file in a locked filing cabinet in another room.

I really don't want the things I'm telling him to be written down anywhere.

Eeek!! I'm triggery tonight! Time to get off of PC and distract myself...

(good to see you, Sam )

(((((((((((((((TREE))))))))))))))

My T probably writes things like "Socks surprisingly matched today" or something like that. Sometimes I even comb my hair! Weeee!!!

You get yourself some hot chocolate, some good movies, and a nice blanket to camp out on the couch with Tree--gotta take care of yourself when you don't feel good, mentally or physically. ((((tree))))

-sam

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by chaotic13

I think most of my T file is what I've written and drawn. If my records are ever shared... It will be very difficult to dispute them...I wrote them myself.

Lately I've not been wanting my T to keep my drawings...then after H found a few...I readily gave them to my T. I'm glad they are out of my house BUT really scared about what might happen to them without me even knowing.

When it comes to drawings, they can't be interpreted very accurately by anyone other than the artist, so I wouldn't worry too much. In the end, it's all interpretation for everything I suppose. Especially if you draw stick figures like I do...

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by treehouse

I really don't want the things I'm telling him to be written down anywhere.

Me either. My T rarely takes notes, and when he does, I get a little nervous, like why does he choose to take notes now? Is he expecting me to say something important? I think the first couple of times he ever did that, I asked him "why are you taking notes?" in a somewhat disturbed fashion, lol. I guess he reassured me, but I can't remember what he said. Last time I had an individual appointment, last week, he did take notes. I let it pass without comment, but still, I wonder why. Maybe possibly something to do with his legal role.

I think I have given my T only a few things that would be in any file he kept on me (I wonder if he has one?): the original informed consent form, the release forms I've signed so he can speak with others about me, a (rare) homework assignment I did for him once on "anger", and a poem I shared with him that he wanted to keep.

Last week also I noticed for the first time that he had a large paper shredder in his office--it may be new. I guess that should be reassuring since it must mean he shreds anything confidential rather than throw it in the trash. I noticed there were two papers sticking out of it, unshredded. One was a subscription card to a magazine.

[phoenix7]

[quote=treehouse;1000383]I totally agree. When Teacher T wanted to consult with T, I asked him what he would tell her. He told me that he would tell her my diagnosis, tell her how hard I work in therapy, tell her that boundaries are really important to me and that *I* get to decide what boundaries are. And he made sure all of that was okay with me (it was). He said that he wouldn't tell her any of my story - if I felt like she needed to know any of it, I could tell her what I wanted to when I wanted to. It made me feel very safe.

that is absolutely brilliant!

I've asked him what he writes in his files, and he said he basically just makes notes like "affect matched stated mood" or things like that. He keeps everything else in his head. When I wrote parts of my story to give to him, he kept them in a separate unmarked file in a locked filing cabinet in another room.

I like you T - especially the part where he locks the stuff you've said in a private file - my T keeps all the stuff I gave her in my file - now she is leaving I will have to ask her what will become of it all

Eeek!! I'm triggery tonight! Time to get off of PC and distract myself...

Im sorry you are feeling triggery - hope you find something to distract your self - take care

[chaotic13]

I hate the whole issue of me even having a T file!!!!