[chaotic13]

Peaches "To My T" thread made me reflect on this maybe you all would like to play.

For those of you, like me, who for whatever reason are compelled to communicate with your Ts between sessions...try this:

1. Go back to one of these communications.(In my case I opened my sentmessages folder and randomly selected an email that I sent to my T.)

2.Re-read the message as if you were your T. Assume that as your T, you have at least 10 other unique clients who also communicate between sessions.

Read your meassage exactly how it is written. Try not to fill it in with between-the-lines content.

3. Compose a quick response to the message.

4. Look at your response. Are you glad that you're "NOT" your T?

My response to the message I selected was:

AND?

I'd probably would be in the psych hospital at this point if I was being treated my ME. LOL

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by chaotic13

Are you glad that you're "NOT" your T?

Am I ever glad! I simply cannot take rejection, and it seems that for the last six weeks, I have spent the time between sessions reiterating to myself that T is untrustworthy / uncaring / ungenerous / rejecting / punitive / blahblahblah, and all the time I know that none of it is true.
Now I am afraid to face her lest I do or say something to force her to push me away. Sheesh ! why ever does she put up with it?

Chaotic, that is a fantastic idea. I think I do expect perfection in my T's responses sometimes (that she understand exactly what I'm saying, and know what I'm needing, and that she responds to it perfectly). And when she doesn't, I feel rejected/like she doesn't like me. Maybe this little exercise will help me see her point of view so I won't jump to conclusions and imagine what she really means.

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

, I have spent the time between sessions reiterating to myself that T is untrustworthy / uncaring / ungenerous / rejecting / punitive / blahblahblah,...Now I am afraid to face her lest I do or say something to force her to push me away. Sheesh ! why ever does she put up with it?

Sitting, that's interesting to me, because recently, when I was in a frustrated place, I think I was feeling that way about my T more than usual (like, everything felt bad, and that impacted my feelings about T too), and I think she did get frustrated by that! It was the first time she had shown me that it was hard on her (usually, she tries to be neutral and focus on me). And it was a terrible feeling at first, but I think it did help me ultimately see her as more human too, rather than someone to expect perfection from.

[chaotic13]

OK, How is this for a reply to one of my needy/freaky email.

Dear Chaotic,
I was pleasently surprised that you emailed more of this nonsense to me yet again. I would have thought by my reply last week that you get that...I really can't help you.

The stuff you write IS really freaky...That I can validate for you. No, normal people do not pluck one word out of an hour dialog and write a 50 page analysis or what it might have meant when I used it. Also, YES you are in control of what you discuss in therapy. If you would like to spend another $150 and an hour of your time analyzing what that word means, we can do that in your next session.

[mightaswelllive]

This is funny. I have actually done this before and it has gotten me to be more cognizant of the messages I send to T. They have to take everything you write as what you really mean because they aren't able to observe your body language or intonation - an email is JUST words. For this reason, I reread my messages to T over and over and over before I send them to make sure that my message is completely clear. If you are lucky, your T will read it in your voice - but that is something we cannot expect unless we ask.

And chaotic, certainly your T doesn't see you as "freaky"

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by notme9

I think she did get frustrated by that! It was the first time she had shown me that it was hard on her (usually, she tries to be neutral and focus on me).

NM9,
I told T that I've noticed I;m very protective of her feelings and she said "yes you are", which surprised me (do I not think she would see that, lol) I wondered aloud whether I am that way because I need her but she didn't say anything.... hmmm.

[phoenix7]

Quote Chaotic13) If you would like to spend another $150 and an hour of your time analyzing what that word means, we can do that in your next session. (End quote Chaotic 13

LOL

I actually sent my old T a letter with my questions and what I thought his answers would be - bet he thought it was hilarious

[Mouse_]

Chaotic, I like this thread, it grabs my imagination, but it also makes me want to hug you.

[peaches100]

(My message, as my t)

Peaches,

I hear you saying quite clearly that your emotions become overwhelming, which then makes it very hard to continue your day to day functioning. You are right, pain is very difficult to tolerate! However, submerging it does not rid us of the pain. I think it will be important for us to continue practicing emotional regulation techniques (DBT skills) and be careful to process your traumatic experiences in small pieces, so as not to overwhem you. I will do my best to help you with visualization/relaxation before you leave my office. Your concern about needing physical comfort is a reoccuring one, and something we need to continue talking about. I will see you next week. Be well.

[peaches100]

Here is my t's actual response:

Peaches: You have discovered the issues that are painful, let’s address the pieces of those painful memories, with appropriate relaxation prior to leaving this office. I would like to know what DBT skills you have been working on lately. you had planned on distracting yourself, we used safety and containment, are you still containing and soothing hurt parts with my presence? with J?

[chaotic13]

Peaches... You are sooo much kinder to yourself than I am. I would like to get return emails from you

[phoenix7]

Peaches I think both replies are great Can I adopt you as my T

[sunrise]

Chaotic, I'm curious, what is the email response you would like to get from your T? It might be interesting to write that one out! (Can you be kind to yourself?)

[chaotic13]

Originally Posted by sunrise

Chaotic, I'm curious, what is the email response you would like to get from your T? It might be interesting to write that one out! (Can you be kind to yourself?)

Very interesting question Sunny! I don't know because if my T was really empathetic and warm... then I would probably reject the response and think she was patronizing me or seeing me as REALLY weak and needy and unstable. IDK...I'll have to think about this and see if I can compose one that is nicer. :-) One that maybe the inner child would like :-) Maybe she could send me a nice crayon picture that I could put in my drawing folder. LOL

[sunrise]

I've been thinking about what kind of email response I would like to get from my T, and I would want to get, first of all, any response at all. And second, I would want one just like he gives--not because they're so great or profound or anything, but because they are "him" and I would just want him to be who he is, and I know what that is, so that's what I want. His emails are brief, supportive, warm, and he uses text-based emoticons, sometimes rather complex ones, lol. And lots of exclamation marks. (I mean, how many men use exclamation marks? That's very endearing to me.)