I think I managed to finally push T away. It hurts, but it makes sense.

I knew it was too good to be true.

[MINIME]

Why love does not turn on and off i bet he isnt going anywhere. He knows how hard it is. Text me if u want ok

[hangingon]

Tree, do you mean that it feels like you have pushed him away. That that is just a feeling you are having or did your T actually say something to you?

I am sure what ever is going on is really hard for you. Sending you safe hugs

((((((((((Tree)))))))))))))))
What's going on?

((((Tree)))) It is okay to push them away some times. Sometimes you just need to. I am sure your T will come back. Take care because we all know you are awesome here.

[phoenix7]

Im sorry you feel that way Treehouse I dont think T will desert you - he has come through so many times before and showed he will stand by your side - what happened ? do you want to talk?

[darkrunner]

(((((((((((((((((((((((treehouse))))))))))))))))))))))))))

You deserve to have T in your life. You deserve healing and peace.
You don't deserve any more hurt!!!

I have a feeling that T is not going anywhere....he will always be there waiting for you to come back. Trust the process, right? Your T is trustworthy, and will help you through this. Please let him!!!!!!

Big hugs to you........

[Luce]

hello treehouse people
i cant remember what all of it was
but i know that t is safe and kind and loves you
and i know he wont leave
even when you are the most scared that he will
or even think he has
and i remember that little treehouse people might be real scared
but big treehouse person knows t is safe
cos she wouldnt let him hurt you
she knows
you ask her k?


ps to little treehouses
all the luces are sorry for scaring you
we didnt mean to scare you
you be okay????

[sittingatwatersedge]

what's up little Treehouse? you OK?
something doesn;t sound right.
we;re here

[peaches100]

(((((Treehouse)))))

What has happened to make you feel so sad???

Sometimes when we talk about it, we find out things aren't as bad as they seem. . .

We're here for you.

[searchingmysoul]

(((((((((((((((treehouse))))))))))))))))

I hope you are haning in there...Maybe have had a chance to talk to your T...

When all we knew then was rejection we expect that all of our relationships now will fulfill that expectation. I hope your T is different than all of those people who did not nurture, hold, empower, and keep safe little tree. I hope that he comes through for you right now...

Keep safe today.

~Searching

I talked to T today. He is still there, and never was angry at me. He sent me an e-mail earlier today that said I seemed scared and actually, that kind of diffused things a bit...knowing that he was seeing me as scared and not needy or crazy or annoying or whatever.

We talked for about 20 minutes. I guess I feel better. Sad and scared, but it feels directed in the right way - not at T, but at other things. Blah.

I am coming to some realizations about my self, and my selves, and my life that are just crushing me and making me physically sick. T says we will get through it, but I seriously can't believe how painful it is, and how incredibly, incredibly sad it makes me.

Thanks for supporting me. I appreciated everyone's words so much.

[Miracle1986]

(((treehouse)))

[ECHOES]

I'm so glad you and T connected and you that feel reassured.
You are a wonderful person and you and T will get through this so you can feel good again

(((((((((tree))))))))

so glad you and t are fine. i don't think you could push him away more than temporarily even if you had done something that caused him to be angry. he loves you too much just like we all do! i hope things start getting easier for you soon emotionally. it's okay to slow down if you need to.

[phoenix7]

(((Treehouse)))

[sunrise]

Treehouse, I'm glad to hear from you and that your T was not pushed away after all!

I have a question: would it really be so awful if your T gets angry at you? I'm saying that from a complete position of naivete. If my T got angry at me, I might go in a hole and die, or never come back to his office. But rationally, would it really be so awful? Healthwise--how are we supposed to handle it if our T gets angry at us? Should we just sit there and be nonplussed? I don't have any answers!

I'm sorry you are so sad now, Treehouse.

Originally Posted by sunrise

I have a question: would it really be so awful if your T gets angry at you? I'm saying that from a complete position of naivete. If my T got angry at me, I might go in a hole and die, or never come back to his office. But rationally, would it really be so awful? Healthwise--how are we supposed to handle it if our T gets angry at us? Should we just sit there and be nonplussed? I don't have any answers!

T wasn't angry at me, and I don't think I was as afraid of his anger as of feeling ALONE with everything that is going on.

T and I have actually talked a lot about what it would be like if he were angry at me. And I asked him yesterday on the phone a few times if he had been angry at me this week, and he wasn't. But we've talked about what would happen if he WERE angry at me. We actually sort of role-played it...he would tell me about his feelings using "I" statements,and we would talk about it. He says he has NEVER been angry at me, but he promises he would tell me if he were.

I know that *I* have been angry at him, and I've told him, and we've had some really intense rough patches...but he has shown me by how he reacts to my anger how healthy people react. And he has shown me that my anger hasn't ended our relationship - in fact, usually it's strengthened in some way. So I imagine that in the end, even if T got angry at me, it would be okay. As long as I didn't just start running and never look back

I see T today at 1. I am so emotionally exhausted from this week. The realizations I had yesterday after talking to T made me physically sick...but I feel a little better this morning. Sad, but not so sick. I guess this is all just part of the process. Sheesh, what a process.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by treehouse

Thanks for supporting me. I appreciated everyone's words so much.

not just words, little treehouse. Prayers.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by sunrise

If my T got angry at me, I might go in a hole and die, or never come back to his office. But rationally, would it really be so awful? Healthwise--how are we supposed to handle it if our T gets angry at us?

interesting question Sunny.
If my T (a woman) got mad at me, I would probably tell her off and leave for good. at least that's what I THINK would happen.
this is however precisely why I have a female T. If T were a male I would definitely crawl into a hole and die. for some reason it would be so much more damaging.

[phoenix7]

Hope your appointment goes well - alone is a scary word - I am glad you are not alone