[mixedup_emotions]

I was avoiding a topic with T during my last session that I had e-mailed him about prior....and he suggested that I bring my e-mails with me to T so I hold myself accountable to discuss it.

SO......

I decided to write up a list of notes and I e-mailed it to him today...basically to hold myself accountable to discuss tomorrow. I covered:

- Summary of recent events with my husband - the continuing cycle of his abusive pattern - and how things were handled, how I felt, how I now feel....

- A question about something T said to me last week - that he said he was forceful with me early on in therapy because he was fearful. I want to know what he was fearful of - because I don't see my husband as "dangerous".

- How to move forward after being in a dysfunctional relationship my entire adult life....I fear ending up in a similar situation.

- How I felt and feel about disclosing past SA to him...and how it took days for me to block it from my mind (acknowledging that blocking it is not getting through it).

- How I have always been self-conscious and am extremely uncomfortable with being touched.

- My tendency to try to figure out how to blame myself for things, feelings of insecurity. Raised a comment that someone in Group said that bothered me.

- How do you know when a memory is real or not?

- Why do I feel so strongly about not wanting a female T?

CRAP. I'm in for a whopper of a session tomorrow, huh?

Making a list is a good idea. My meditation teacher told me once to just go to therapy, sit down, breathe, and see what comes up. Maybe with your list, you can see what feels most important tomorrow and start with that. You probably won't be able to get through all of that in 50 minutes, but I bet it will feel good to get through at least some of it.

Let us know how it goes, ok??

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by treehouse

Making a list is a good idea. My meditation teacher told me once to just go to therapy, sit down, breathe, and see what comes up. Maybe with your list, you can see what feels most important tomorrow and start with that. You probably won't be able to get through all of that in 50 minutes, but I bet it will feel good to get through at least some of it.

Let us know how it goes, ok??

It used to be easy for me to just go with the flow....until it came time to talk about some serious issues. Then, I'd just avoid it, change the subject, bring up a subject that was easier to talk about. I know we won't be able to delve into each and every topic, but my notes were explicit (2-1/2 pages typed) so that I could get my feelings down on paper and "out there".

I am bringing two copies with me tomorrow so that we both can be looking at it at the same time.

I have no idea how I'm going to feel when I go in there tomorrow. Terrified, most likely. At the moment, I can feel myself building that protective wall around myself...which I guess is not a good thing. I want to be able to walk in there and talk about things 'matter of factly' and not really feel anything...like it's not even about me. But that's not what I'm there for....UGH.

Why does this have to be so hard???

[phoenix7]

good luck for tomorrow

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

I want to be able to walk in there and talk about things 'matter of factly' and not really feel anything...like it's not even about me. But that's not what I'm there for....UGH.

Why does this have to be so hard???

[searchingmysoul]

(((((((Mixed-up)))))))

Good luck with your session!

I also make lists of what I wan to talk about...Usually they consist of left over topics or inbetween topics from the last session. I have found it helpful to operate that way.

Take care!