[shortandcute]

What do you think could be signs of emotional abuse, or that someone might be an abuser?
The things that I've come up with are:
A "blame-the-victim" attitude. When they hear of someone who is being abused, whether it's a woman being beaten by her husband or even a child abused by his parents, does the person say things like, "Well, she must've been all up in his face daring him to hit her," or "What kind of child is he that his parents would do that"?

A bully who enjoys holding some kind of power over you. "If you don't do as I say then you will be harmed even more".

[shortandcute]

That one example I came up was actually something I have heard from my brother- in- law! My dad used to beat my mom a lot, and one time my BIL told me and my sister, "Yeah, well, knowing her [my mom], she was probably in your dad's face all the time screaming 'Hit me!' " My dad was also beaten by his own dad a lot, and even sexually abused by at least one of his mother's boyfriends. My BIL told us one time, "Well, I kind of have to wonder what kind of child he was to deserve that. He must've done something to be treated like that." Yikes!
When I was dating my first husband, he was already hitting me a lot. I tried talking to my sister and BIL about it--because they were my legal guardians at the time--and my BIL told me once, "That's because you keep barking at him like a dog."Another time they were upset with me because I was using up a lot of the coffee. They told me that I was "sinning against God" by doing it, because it upset them.

[spoondogcuz]

I was with a rape and domestic violence councillor for three years. I can tell you that she herself was an emotional and physical abuser. She would use mind games to control our relationship,ignore me for no reason for days,put my dinner on the floor for the dog Infront of me,spray her deodorant in my eyes because she had a bad day.. I believe emotional abusers are power hungry narcissists. I'm glad I'm out and learnt from the best.

Kia Ora

[shezbut]

When everyone silently sits still and "behaves" whenever the abuser is around. My Grandfather was very abusive, he had this power over all of us in the family. There were signs that he was going to start yelling and hurting people ~ so we'd all sit, silently holding our breath, as we shook in our boots before the words and hands came down on us.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by shezbut

When everyone silently sits still and "behaves" whenever the abuser is around. My Grandfather was very abusive, he had this power over all of us in the family. There were signs that he was going to start yelling and hurting people ~ so we'd all sit, silently holding our breath, as we shook in our boots before the words and hands came down on us.

That's how I always felt around my dad not physical abuse per se but being terrified and being quiet so it is abuse for sure

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[Ladys1963]

Originally Posted by shortandcute

What do you think could be signs of emotional abuse, or that someone might be an abuser?
The things that I've come up with are:
A "blame-the-victim" attitude. When they hear of someone who is being abused, whether it's a woman being beaten by her husband or even a child abused by his parents, does the person say things like, "Well, she must've been all up in his face daring him to hit her," or "What kind of child is he that his parents would do that"?

A person who has the inability to feel compassion or empathy. Always remember, you can leave. So many feel they can't or wont and dont. This world is full of people that will help you. You just have to reach out. God is great every day!

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by spoondogcuz

I was with a rape and domestic violence councillor for three years. I can tell you that she herself was an emotional and physical abuser. She would use mind games to control our relationship,ignore me for no reason for days,put my dinner on the floor for the dog Infront of me,spray her deodorant in my eyes because she had a bad day.. I believe emotional abusers are power hungry narcissists. I'm glad I'm out and learnt from the best.

Kia Ora

That must've been rough!I'm glad you got out of there. YIKES!