[playthemdrums]

Hi everyone, i'm an international student at College in Los Angeles. I am from New Zealand. I met a girl here at the very beginning of the winter quarter (January 09) and we have been dating ever since.

At the beginning of the relationship i let her go clubbing without me and a photo popped up on facebook with her dirty dancing on some random guy in the club. This caused me to doubt her. Later on in the relationship she told me that her ex boyfriend cheated on her, and to get back at him she cheated on him (sex involved). This happened about a year ago and she tells me she's changed. After about 3 or 4 weeks of dating, her ex called while i was there, and they talked for a little bit and the she said she had to go. He has called maybe 4 or 5 times with me present during the whole relationship. Because i lacked trust in her, i went through her phone and there were messages from other guys that i dont know and the messages were flirtatious on both parts. She always has guys talking to her over myspace, and quite often, its her that sparks up the conversation with them. This scares me because i am leaving in a month to go back to my home country for 4 months. I feel like shes scoping out guys for when im gone. The other day, she tried to slip in quickly in conversation that she had met up with her ex for lunch. Due to the fact that there were never any messages from her ex, i asked her how long have you been talking to each other? She eventually told me (after lieing and denial at the beginning) that she had been texting with him for a long time, but had deleted the messages because she didnt want me to see them and get upset. Apparently he had been sending "sexual" messages to her. Now i have no idea what they said. To make matters worse, 3 days later i noticed her flirting with a guy saying "We're gonna chill over summer right? Take me to the beach at night on your motorbike! We can share a fries and slurpy!" (with the odd thrown in. So this makes me think, if shes flirting with this guy, what was she talking about with her ex that she wouldnt let me see, and what signal does this send me?

I am thinking of ending the relationship.

I really need some professional advice.

Am i being too paranoid? She tells me she loves me. OR, am i being too tolerant?

Thanks for your time

James

[Am I crazy?]

Hi there James,

It sounds like she doesn't want to commit to one person. She doesn't seem to be taking the relationship as serious as you are. You both sound young (I am assuming as you are students?) and haven't been dating for that long. Maybe she has this attitude because you are going to leave soon - maybe she doesn't want to get serious because she may feel there isn't a future because of that?

Lisa

[flyerfan24]

I'd end it........seriously.......this sounds way to familiar for me. I'd get out now.you put a few months in......having done and doing the long distance relationship(work related travel).........see my other posts.
Being in this type of relationship is going to drive you insane.
Just end it.go back home for you summer break and return for the fall semester..........free of this stress.