[starsx24]

I thought I'd share some more with you guys since I just joined and I'll probably be on here for quite some time since it's helping me find the answers I've long been looking for... well.. here it goes,

I'm 16 years old, I know young right? Well.. in my 16 years I've been through a lot. When I was 3 years old, I was beaten everyday by my father. One day I went to daycare and when my teacher asked me where all of the bruises came from, I told her the truth. "My daddy hit me.", and at that time my aunt was running the place. My teacher went to my aunt and told her. They called the police and I was interviewed and recorded as well. My dad was sent to jail, but only stayed for a few months. He eventually got out. My mother's side of the family hated him, but as a year or two went on, things went back to normal. My mom took him back, and I was so young that I had forgiven him.

As years went on, I realized my relationship with my father really had died that day. He rarely talks to me, and he treats me as if I don't even exist. My mother and I used to be close, but now that I've grown up my mom has been acting the same as my father does. I don't get hit by my parents, but they do ignore me. They aren't horrible parents. They pay for me to have the internet in my room and a cell phone. They make sure I don't go hungry, and they make me do good on my schoolwork, ect. They do what parents have to do. But at the same time, they rarely talk to me, they never wanna spend time with me. They're always too busy. I have 2 younger sisters, and they always blame everything on me. And my parents always believe them. Everything is always my fault apparently and I get punished for it all the time. They love my sisters to death, but I don't feel they really love me. To be honest.. I've never really felt "loved" by them.

When I turned 12, I met this guy Jake. And he was amazing. We spent everyday together and we knew everything about each other. We were together off and on for 2 years. And honestly, he was my first real boyfriend. He was like an escape for me from my broken home. He made me feel wanted, important, ect. He was a year older than me. I truely did love him. Most people say you can't love someone at that age, but I don't believe age holds you back from loving somebody. Well after about 2 years, he cheated on me with my best friend, and there again, I slipped into depression. I cried all day and night, and my mom would always walk past my room and ignore it. Never once came into my room to see if I was okay.

For 2 years, he was all I knew and to lose someone like that was really hard on me. Around the same time my grandfather who I was REALLY close to slipped into a coma, and my uncle committed suicide. I was in middle school, and since everyone is immature in middle school and there's a lot of drama, of course I was constantly fighting with my friends. I felt like I had no one. My friends weren't there for me, Jake was out of the picture, and my family wanted nothing to do with me. And my grandfather lived hours away from me.

I slipped into depression. I got really bad into drinking. I would steal alcohol from my parents liquor cabinet. They rarely ever drank. They had a drink or two on holidays, that was it. I became best friends with this girl (Tiffany) who came from a broken home as well. Her parents were druggies and alcoholics and they let her do as she pleased because they didn't care about her. So I stayed at her house 5 nights out of the week and I began drinking a lot, I started smoking cigarettes, and eventually I got really bad into drugs and pills. I knew it was wrong, but she seemed like the only person who understood me. At this time I was 14. I know.. still really young. One night my mother caught me walking in high, and believe me she snapped. Never hit me, but lectured me for hours. Then I started thinking about it, and thought, hey she cares. But still.. at the same time I thought yeah she cares, but she doesn't ever show it, so it felt like she didn't. She let me off with a warning and told me if she ever caught me drinking or smoking again, she'd take everything away from me. && She banned me from hanging out with my friend.

It was hard, not being able to see her, and then again I felt like I had no one. I started cutting, and still kept drinking & smoking. Then eventually I entered highschool, and met this girl who wasn't into drugs or drinking, but she did cut. She was also depressed for very similiar reasons. We started hanging out. Watching movies, driving around, and just having fun without having to do anything teenagers shouldn't be doing. One night, she drove a little fast. And we got into a car accident. I had to be flown to a hospital because I passed out on scene and was really hurt. For a long time, I heard my parents complain about how expensive the bill was for being flown. And how I was gonna have to pay them back and blah blah blah. That pushed me right back into depression when honestly... I was starting to came out of it from hanging out with (Tara).

Then I met my boyfriend who I am currently with (Matt), and come this Friday it'll be 17 months that we've been together. We started dating the day we met, and for the first few months I was definitely skeptical because of how wierd it was dating someone I didn't know. But I stayed with him and got to know him really well. We came to know every single thing about each other, and I fell in love with him. And the love I felt for him was different than the love I felt for Jake. It felt as if we were MEANT for each other. I told him everything about my past. About the drinking/smoking/partying/drugs/sneaking out/cutting/depression/all about jake/my family, ect. Well from that moment, he really stepped into my life. At the time, I was still doing it and he made me quit everything and made me promise I wouldn't. And since I really did love him, I wasn't about to betray him like that. He really cared about me. So I stopped everything for him. And the relationship was amazing. Now, the past few months he's become distant, yet at the same time, tries to control every move I make.

He starts screaming at me for random things, calls me every name under the sun, said he wished I would get into another car accident and die. And then eventually once I'm crying and not talking, he'll say sorry. But yet.. that's the only time he'll become affectionate with me. He won't open up, doesn't make any effort to see me anymore. I feel like the relationship has changed completely, and he thinks nothing has changed. He tries to tell me what I should spend my money on , tells me he doesn't want me watching certain shows because there are half naked guys and he doesn't want me watching that. He said he doesn't want me watching any rated R movies because I'm only 16 and I need to be 18. I have my permit and I am eligible for my liscence at the end of next month, and he's trying to tell me that he doesn't want me getting my liscence until I'm 18 because I'm still young and I'll cause an accident and I need more experience, yet he's 19 and doesn't have his. He gets irritated everytime I go out with a friend, and he'll call my repeatedly if I don't answer my phone the very first time he calls.

He goes out all night and won't call me once and expects me not to get angry, yet if I do that, I hear about it for weeks after. Whenever I try to tell him maybe we need a break or we need to break up, he threatens to blackmail me and tell my mom everything. (My past and the fact that I lost my virginity to him.) And honestly... my life isn't the best right now. I'm constantly getting the urge to cut again and go back into drugs and drinking.

So I came on here for advice and friends, and to try and cope this way.


I know it's long, but I felt I needed to share it with everyone.
Thanks for taking the time to read. I really appreciate it.


-Starsx24

[jerrymichele]

Sweetie I feel so bad for you.You probably feel so alone, and that no one cares. We care here at pc!!! I do think that your bf isn't good for you. Is there any way that you can go see a therapist? You really need someone to talk to with everything you have been threw. Keep posting so that we know that your ok.

[starsx24]

I wouldn't know how to see a therapist. ='( I don't have money for one, and my parents would just say I'm going through a "phase" and I'll be "just fine"....

[Christina86]

Originally Posted by starsx24

I wouldn't know how to see a therapist. ='( I don't have money for one, and my parents would just say I'm going through a "phase" and I'll be "just fine"....

What about through your school? Guidance counselor? Talking to a trusted teacher, or someone else? Or go to the hospital and ask for help. Or talk to Children's Aid if need be. But don't discount your parents - tell them the truth, that you're not dealing well and need to talk to someone. There are also lower-income places as well if they're worried about finances.

[starsx24]

I've tried talking to a guidance counselor at my school before, but all they did is call my parents and told them everything. That didn't help a thing, my mom told me to stop seeking attention and playing the role of poor little girl. She said I'm fine and that I better never do it again because it's making her look like a bad mom. That's why I turned to this website hoping to find answers.

[Shangrala]

Hi Stars~

Although it has been said already, I have to also emphasize the need for you to seek support...whether it be through school, private counsel, or preferably, from your parents, as a start. (And though their actions may say otherwise, your parents do love you).

From the sounds of it, Matt has a thing for controlling you. The reasons for the change in his behavoir over this time is not certain, nor really is a concern, especially for you. YOU are your concern. Period.

The fact that Matt would acutally lower himself to the point of blackmailing you in order to keep you in his check is enough to make me want me to slap him...Sorry...."been there, done that" sorta of thing...(I know the kind far too well, and NONE are the kind who provide a favorable future with).
Get away from him.

Call his bluff. Take away what power he 'thinks' he has over you by approaching your parents first and confiding in them your worries and concerns.
Surely, your parents know that you are dating Matt. It's kind of hard to hide a relationship that has lasted as long as a little over a year and a half, especially from your parents.

Whether or not your parents want to admit it or not, they are fully aware that you are growing older, (dating), thus they are fully aware that because of the extent of your relationship with Matt, that there is always the probability that your relationship is sexually active.
Your parents may be wearing their blinders to these realities regarding you, but that does not mean that they are not aware of them.
And whether or not they want to be approached, BY taking the initiative and approaching them you are in fact showing that you are taking responsibility of your own self...a behavior which states that you are, in fact, maturing....and deserves respect for.
They may not like it, but they can't help but to respect it.

If you honestly feel that going to your parents is not a possibility, then your next move is to seek support through your school, either with a counselor or a trusted teacher.

Matt is a vexation to your spirit. He will feed off of you for as long as you allow him to.
His behavior has all the classic signs of a control freak...(at least, all the ones I've had in my past. Granted, that was many hundreds of years ago...lol).
But the thing about traits is, whether good or bad, the traits themselves don't change, it's the people and their choices of which they carry that change.

Please, seek support for yourself. You need as much positive influence and reinforcements as you can get for yourself at this time.

Keep us informed. We all care are here for you.

Shangrala

[marjan]

I'm totally agree with "Shangrala"....Don't let him to control you....He's just bluffing...and wrose scenario if he goes and tells your parents or whatever....tell him..."BOOOO....I'm afraid...." and laugh at him....and you can say that "oh, I've already told them....nothing new about your black mail then!"....
be strong and you will see the result....

with love
Marjan

[jerrymichele]

Stars I think that you should really let the bf go. When you go back to school, see a counselor, then ask him/her if there is a crisis line that you can call. The crisis line should be able to direct you on what to do. You could also go to a Dr., and tell the Dr. what is going on, and than he/she can tell your parents to send you to a therapist. Have you thought about sitting your mom down and just try talking to her one on one? She might be a different person if it's just the two of you.