My first real relationship in years upon years

First Post. I found this place looking for advice/consolation.

My story: 24 year old, just finished 51 months in state prison for a fatality while drinking and driving. Basically getting my life back in shape...doing really well too I might add. Got my own apartment, signed back up for college, work for a Fortune 500 company as an intern (3 months out of the pen), many, many skills, a very sociable person by all accounts...people tell me I actually talk too much sometimes, and I'm sometimes known as a social butterfly...even at the office.

Was diagnosed with depression at age 15, took meds for 4-5 years, noticed it clouded my thoughts, got rid of my dreams, and made for a socially inept being by just having me sit there all placated while others interacted and talked and conceptualized, and just talked non stop about things (this is what we did in prison when we weren't working or working out).

Haven't ever had a serious relationship in my life....only once but that was based on sex and turned into more once I went to jail...we fell in love for the first 7 months until I told her to go and not to wait for me....we were 18 and 19...whatever.

I just recently met someone through a mutual friend, and we hit it off the first night we met, and have been talking to each other for about 5 weeks (minus the last week)....texting...on the phone...yes I did put in more contacts than she did.

So I brought her to a fraternity BBQ, and things just blew up from there. She drank half a bottle of captain...got drunk....i also got drunk...something I didn't think would cause problems but yes it did. She became antisocial towards the end of the night, started texting all her friends....I was drunk and not even paying attention to my friends (after drinking all day), we played several BBQ games together and lost beer pong, she beat me at pool with the 8 ball...

I thought we had something going on, until the end of the night, she starts packing her ****...says she is leaving. I say WHOAH you are drunk and your not leaving, plus we planned on you staying the night....I eventually coerced her into not leaving, but I'm like why are you gonna leave....

Then she goes off that "You're too obsessive....you get mad about the little things....you get mad when you're playing games....you try to be perfect all the time"

And I tell her thats part of my personality...its part of being competitive.

I'm like how is this different than before? She says, "what before"

So she leaves the next morning....after we slept in the same bed...and no I haven't tried having sex with her yet because I really like her and well haven't had too many opportunities to do it...so she tells me shes going down the shore (sunday morning til tuesday night)...I'm like well I would go but I don't have a ride home. She says take the train if u want.

So I walk her to her car, we kiss an intimate kiss goodbye, and I say when am I gonna see u again? She says," Just call me...I'm pretty random"

Since then we've barely spoken on the phone and I've had several ignored texts from her. Things haven't seemed to be the same and the last 2 weekends I've tried to set things up with her and she has plans with her 900 friends. She's a very independent girl (20 yrs old) and I really just don't know what to do.

I have NOT been depressed about something for YEARS and now all of a sudden its coming out because she has been ignoring me, and I totally get the feeling she's done with me.

So what do I do? Mind you we go to the same college and will live 2 blocks from each other, and we did have something going on.

My question is...there are 4 weeks left before school starts. How do I keep this going so she doesnt lose interest any more than she has? I just texted her earlier "HI"...thats it, and no response. this is not the first time recently and I just feel as if I'm putting all the effort into trying to keep her.

I think I explained it enough...but I guess I'm trying to make up for 4 years of lost time and I really feel lonely right now. I don't really have many good friends anymore, several but not as many as most people...a prison bid WILL do that to you, and I have acknowledged the fact...the problem is I never had these feelings in jail, only feelings of how amazing the summer of 09 is going to be, and it is nothing short of a living hell working in the corporate world and not having many friends and not having a driver's license to go meet all these girls who I've met (I've talked to about 20 girls in a few months...clearly I want a relationship)

Can someone help me or diagnose me? Haha...a friend of mine told me to watch She's Just Not that into you!

And I think the problem is I'm too thoughtful of a person and I can't find who I deserve.

Hi batteryfoundinme,

I just replyed you back in another thread called "bf not interested in sex"....
I think she's not that into you and besides, she's not even good for you....it looks like you are a compasionate person and she is not, she will make your life like a hell....so, it's better to get rid of her now....
don't be obsess about her and stop texting and calling her, she won't get back to you....I'm a woman and I know myself, if I don't want a guy, I will be so brutal and not care about him at all....even guys are the same....you can't force anybody to love you or to give you attention!
Probably, it's better for you right now to get your life back together and now that you are in a good track, stay away from relationship and just try to make quality friends instead....then later on when you are more ready, you can go for a girl....
Well...you are still very young and you paid the price of making mistake....
Again...you are so young and you have a long life ahead of you, don't try to rush it....find different types of interests and make yourself busy with them....you mentioned that you don't drive, I'm just wondering if you can drive ever or you are restricted for driving?
You don't know this girl that much either, you are just obsess about her because you got rejected, that's all....
be good to yourself and exercise, then good things will come to you

take care
Marjan

I dated a girl like that back when I was 22 yo (in '87). She was in a local college and I was 1-year out of college, working. I waited weeks between times we could go out. She was a heavy drinker and in college at Villanova. Drank way more than I did at the time - and I thought "I" was a heavy drinker at the time.

Anyway - girls like that need to have a lot of friends seemingly because they just don't have a life plan put together. If she thinks she can talk to you every week or two - then you either have to go along with that or take-off. For me, I left the area and moved about 80 miles away. The night I told her I was taking the job and moving, she just kind of said 'ok, well good luck with that'.

You may want to keep looking for someone who you can connect with better. You know, after living my 45 years, I think I've only met two women in my life I can really say I connect with - and neither is my wife. However, you are trying to find friends and gf's now. Just have fun with it and stay "unattached" so you can enjoy your freedom now and grow with the years to come.

I kind of look at life in this way: Life is a schmorgasboard. You have to try a lot of different things before you find your favorite meal.

I think that you should move on. It sounds to me that she has moved on. You know girls are like that at that age. When i was in my 20's if a guy did something to me, and I just didn't like it, that would be the end of him. Your still young to. Your in school, and I just wouldn't be looking for a marriage partner until I was finished college. Good Luck

Conratulations on making it through (prison) what I can only imagine was incredibly difficult and come out in such a positive scenario regarding work, education, etc...

I would throw out all that happened at the BBQ as you were both drunk as you have stated.

But, it still does not sound like the relationship is working. Maybe give it a little more time, have a serious discussion without any alcohol or iphones on and hash it out.

I wish you the best of luck. Please take care not to ruin what you've accomplished for yourself by having any more trouble with alcohol as part of the equation.

Thanks for the replies everyone. I am not trying to "burn" any bridges I may have started....and this is just positive affirmation of what I have thought of all along. Yes, I believe I was obsessed with fixing that rejection that came so randomly. ..Whatever...there are plenty more girls out there and yes I do enjoy dating all of them, but a wise man once told me that 99% of the girls out there are not "THE ONE", and it seems to hold true. You really need to date 99 girls to find that ONE who is compatible with you to the fullest extent.

As for this girl, I am going to stop obsessing, be myself, continue to work out like a possessed beast (for my own mental sanity as well), forget about anything that could have or would have been, and just stay friends who don't contact each other every day because clearly she wasn't hip to all that. This may possibly intrigue her to my whereabouts and goings on and spark something again, if any in the future.

And I am NOT a dog, by any means, and I sure am amazing boyfriend material if that right one comes along. My problem is I ALWAYS go for the most beautiful girls my age who either have boyfriends or are already working out of college, and WHOAH, 24 years old in college? It's not the social norm...and I believe it deters many potential women...something I never would have thought to be a problem. I am not narcissistic, but I am 5'10", 195 lbs, solid muscle, ripped abs, my best friend (girl) told me I am an 8.5/10...and without a nose broken 3 times and a slightly receding hair line, I would surely be a 9.5.

I never thought it would be an issue being 24 dating a 20 year old, but mind you I left a sheltered suburban 19 year old, and came out a 210 lb. 24 year old hardened man who had to live with killers, axe murderers, a lot of manslaughter, lots of real hard drug dealers and gang bangers, and yes I adapted as any normal human being would, and I commanded respect amongst my peers because of my mentality and how I acted, not to mention I seemed to be bigger than most because of my dedication to working out/bodybuilding.

Coming home I felt like a 30-35 year old mentality with a short allowance for ignorance or stupidity, in a 20 year old's body, yet 24 physical years of age.

Obviously the mentality plays the entire part of your persona/personality/mental well being and well basically it has just been a bit harder adjusting...

I'm not into partying like most 20 year olds, yet I am still a Junior in college and I honestly want a companion at school, which I shall find when the time comes. I am very socially active on campus/fraternity and it shouldn't be an issue. I just want everything too fast.

Thank you everyone for a warm welcome and words of wisdom from SuperPosters, etc. I will probably frequent this forum when I need wisdom and experience, etc. so I don't bother my friends as if they are shrinks, which is NOT what they are.

Thanks!

"Familiarity Breeds Contempt" and I stand true to that.