This is messed up

Bit of background here: http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=77203

Well, it's almost a year later, and we're still friends - we keep in fairly regular contact through text/Facebook, and I went to a concert with him a few weeks ago. But things are starting to get complicated...which is saying something, considering how complicated things already felt before!

Basically, for the past few months I've been going through phases where it's felt like I have a major crush on him. When that happens, I think about him almost all the time, start to miss him a lot if I haven't heard from him recently, and also really regret turning him down before. This can last anything from a few days to a couple of weeks, but afterwards I go back to just seeing him as a friend again. (I'm not sure if he still has feelings for me, although I think it's possible that he does, even after all this time.)

I'm getting worried - I don't want to risk ending up in a relationship I'll regret later, and I also don't want to hurt him - he's a good guy, and doesn't deserve this. I don't know what's going on...whether it's guilt from turning him down (I certainly felt terrible about it at the time), just wanting someone to care about me in that way (that sounds bad ), or something else entirely. Any advice would be much appreciated...

Continuing a friendship with someone after a relationship can be tricky, I think we have all probably been there.

One thing I always found myself saying to myself is "I left for a reason, we gave it our all (assuming you did) and we just were not compatible." IF you feel there was realistic room for improvements thats a bit different however. Also, I find allot of people seem to miss the good and overlook the bad when thinking back on a failed relationship in terms or rekindling the love. You must ask yourself if the good was worth the bad (I would assume there was bad considering you are no longer together) perfect relationships are rare indeed, so look at it from a balanced perspective.

Finally just remember that when you are feeling lonely and "stuff" I find its very easy to turn to an ex especially if your friends who see each other. I find its allot easier and feels more comfortable to enter the arms of an ex lover in times where you feel lonely. I always let those feelings pass and try to make realistic decisions in a clear confident head space, rather than in the moment, if that makes sense.

I wish you the best of luck in this whatever you decide and hope some of what I think and do in regards to this may help.

0ldsoul

Thanks 0ldsoul. Sorry, maybe I wasn't clear - I've never been in a relationship with him, he did ask me out but I said no. He's still the closest to a relationship I've had in a long time, though - last boyfriend was five years ago when I was 14 - so a lot of what you said can still apply. Although we have more in common than I realised at first, there are still plenty of differences, and I just don't know if us getting together would be a good idea, to be honest. I don't think I'm really cut out for relationships, anyway.