Help, problem dealing with my mom!

Hello all!! I would really appreciate some sound advice. I thank you in advance for listening and for your patience. You're all so kind. Some background here. My parents divorced about 5 years ago (I'm 25 years old). It was a bad divorce. My father has moved on with his life but my mom HATES my dad. This is hard because I talk to both every day to check up on them and my mom has moved away from the area so I call just to make sure she's okay and to chit chat. Both are very loving people but my mom has bottled up hate for him. 90% of the time I get along fine with my mom. However, lately I've been having issues. Mainly that I'm lonely (been a long time since I've had a girlfriend and I'm having issues with finding a different job). Naturally in the last few days I've opened up to my mom about my problems (I usually don't talk to her about deep things like this but I'm lonely and she's one of the few people I can turn to). However, when I talk to her about my issues, she ALWAYS takes the conversation back to how AWFUL my dad supposedly is (he's not awful, just human). For instance, I'll tell her how much I hate my current job and she'll say "Oh well your father thinks he has all the answers, why don't you ask him?" and I'll say "Mom, this has nothing to do with dad!" And then she'll just turn the conversation into how SHE's lonely. I listen to her problems with all my heart. She cannot listen to mine and it's tough because it's so lonely right now and she's being very cold hearted. I feel like I can't tell her anything. I could honestly say (just as an example), "Mom, I'm on the edge of a cliff right now, I'm gonna jump!" and she'll say "oh really well I'm lonely and do you know what it feels like to be me?" I love my mom with all my heart but it pains me that she cannot listen. I tell her this too. And even then she'll still find a way to bring the conversation back to my dad. So what do you guys think? Should I limit my talk with my mom and keep the relationship friendly but ultimately not tell her my issues? Should I seek counseling (I'm not depressed, just sad. I'm just very lonely. I know life is supposed to be tough but I feel like I have no one to turn to). Or is it one of those things that I should laugh at and just say, "Wow, parents can be very difficult!" Thanks for all your help. I'm very lonely. I turn to my religion in tough times but it's very nice to hear kind words coming from a human.

My parents were married for 23 years, and had a bad divorce. People don't just get over it in a certain time period. They've been divorced 3.5 years and seperated since I was 14 and I'm 21 now. I think your mom probably needs to talk to a therapist to get pastt her anger, and to start really living again.

I know it may seem she doesn't care about you, but sometimes we get so enveloped in our problems we forget others are suffering too.

Divorce is very painful. I agree that she should see a therapist to help her get over her anger. I really don't think that it's doing much good for you to talk to her. You can tell us about your relationship problems if you would like. Or you can also go talk to someone. Your mom is so mad, and unfortunately your her target. I would ask her to go just see what she says.

Sometimes, you got to accept that your parents won't be helpful and keep the distance from them....just be respectful and friendly...
I suggest to tell her that she got to stop complaining about your dad to you....for god sake, he's your dad and whatever he is, you love him...so she got to understand that...probably, she's still in love with your dad....she should see a therapist for sure....tell her...
In term of your loneliness...tell me something new...all of us are lonely...all of us are battling with our life for finding a job, place to live, partner and so on...you are not alone then
I'm dying to talk to my mom and tell her about my problems, but I stop myself, because based on my experience, I won't gain anything except she makes me miserable by constantly getting worry about me or getting angry at me later on and bring up my issues back to my face....now, I'm getting smarter and I just don't tell her....
here in PC is a good place if you write your problems, we will write back to you....
I recommend you to go for a hobby for yourself then you will meet like minded people and you will make quality friends that you can rely on and talk about your issues....

with love
marjan

I thank you all for your help! I already feel much better. I'm going to still keep a good relationship with my mom but I also have to keep a fine distance. I have to recognize I can't talk to her about all of my problems but it will make matters worse, but I CAN love her with all my heart and forgive her. Thank you all so much. You're all very kind!!!! God Bless!!!

It sounds like you have a really good relationship with your mother so if I were you, I’d be honest with her. I’d tell her “mom, I love you very much. I’m sorry that dad has hurt you but I cannot take sides, I’m not the right person to vent to about this.” Maybe by hearing it simply and plainly she’ll realize that she’s just adding to your problems by putting you in the middle. Five years is a long time to continue to beat the same dead horse.